


Dear You

by dimi13



Series: 'Dear You' Letters [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 22:55:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 59,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8552722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimi13/pseuds/dimi13
Summary: He was tired of having these one-sided feelings for someone he knows damn well won't return the same feelings. Kyungsoo is tired of putting up a front, but at the same time, doesn't have the courage to come out and admit his true feelings. Kyungsoo thought he was over it. He thought he had succeeded in forgetting Jongin. What a fool Kyungsoo had been to just assume that he could get rid of his love for Jongin in a such a small amount of time.





	1. There Were Some New and Familiar Faces

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so this story picks up right when 'Letters To You' ended. Happy reading! ^.^

“So, Kyungsoo, look who is back. I thought since he just came back I would bring him along with me, tonight. So, he could see old friends-”

Sehun's eyes travel to the blonde sitting extremely close to Kyungsoo. He narrows his eyes.

“and new ones.”

Kyungsoo blinks a few times and takes in a few deep breaths to compose himself. He turns to Luhan. Kyungsoo still has his hand on Luhan's thigh, but now, Luhan has moved his hand over Kyungsoo's. That's right. Kyungsoo gives Luhan a small smile as he turns back to face the other two. 

“Riiight. Well, Sehun and Jongin, this is Luhan. We just met.”

Kyungsoo is glad his voice doesn't waver and lets everyone in, on how much of a nervous wreck he truly is at the moment. He turns to give Luhan a heart shaped smile and then turns back and locks eyes with Jongin.

“So, Jongin. How've you been?”

Jongin stands on the other side of the table, head down and with hands in his jacket pockets. He looks up to the sudden use of his name. Jongin's eyes widen just a bit as he takes in the sight of Kyungsoo. He briefly glances at the blonde sitting next to Kyungsoo before replying to Kyungsoo's question. Jongin doesn't open his mouth to reply, no, instead he simply nods and offers Kyungsoo a small smile. 

“That's good. When did you get back?”

Kyungsoo notices how Jongin's chocolate brown hair is still the same shade as the last time he saw the younger; the same inviting warm brown color as the younger's eyes. Although, the way Jongin has his hair combed back and parted at one side, makes him look older than what he really is. Kyungsoo takes in all of Jongin's presence as he waits for the younger to respond, but Jongin doesn't get a chance to say anything before Sehun interjects. 

“Oh, he just got back this morning. I went to go pick him up.”

Besides the new hair-style, Kyungsoo thinks that Jongin hasn't changed one bit. Maybe, Jongin might look a bit more fit, judging by how the younger's clothes hug him perfectly in all the right places, but that's due to all the dancing Jongin has done these past few years. Sehun claps Jongin on the back and motions for him to take a seat on one of the chairs at the table.

“Sit, drink, dance, relax. It would be good for you, Jongin.”

This catches Kyungsoo's attention. He raises an eyebrow at Sehun's comment, but doesn't inquire any further, as he takes one look at Jongin's face. He notices Jongin clench his jaw as Sehun tells him to relax. Kyungsoo knows Jongin well enough to know that when the younger stays unusually quiet, it usually means there is something wrong. The older knows there's something bothering Jongin. He can feel it in his bones. Kyungsoo doesn't ask anything, however, and opts for feigning ignorance. He turns to Luhan, who in return, shoots Kyungsoo a sweet smile.

Sehun starts to eye Luhan carefully when he notices the interaction between the blonde and Kyungsoo. He doesn't like the way the blonde is so close to Kyungsoo at the moment. Sehun turns to glance at Jongin, who is also taking glances at the interaction between the other two across from them. Sehun sighs and decides to interrupt the duo's eye gazing.

“So,Kyungsoo, where is Baek?”

Kyungsoo blinks and turns to face Sehun, still holding hands with Luhan under the table. The only other one who notices that particular interaction, is Jongin, who sits the closest to Kyungsoo's side. Giving him a good view of the hand holding.

“He should be a the bar getting drinks for us.”

Sehun nods once and glances at Luhan. Kyungsoo caught on early, the way Sehun has been eyeing the blonde. He goes to assure Sehun that Luhan is 'okay', but gets beat to the punch by the taller blonde. Kyungsoo hopes Sehun doesn't start a scene right now, and scare of his only distraction from a certain tall, caramel skinned male sitting next to him.

“Luhan, right?”

Luhan shifts his attention from Kyungsoo, to Sehun.

“Yes.”

Sehun motions between Kyungsoo and Luhan.

“I didn't know Soo had a boyfriend.”

Jongin raises his head just a bit and takes in the scene in front of him, at the table. He notices the way Kyungsoo's eyes widen at Sehun's statement and the way his cheeks start to turn a light shade of pink. Jongin smirks. Besides his appearance, it doesn't seem Soo's changed all that much. He sits back into his seat and waits for Kyungsoo to respond. 

Kyungsoo almost chokes on his own spit when he hears Sehun's comment. As if he wasn't already having trouble getting oxygen to his brain, thanks to him not being able to breathe probably due to Jongin being in near proximity, Sehun's comment definitely was a hard blow that sucked out all the air in his lungs. Kyungsoo did not need this right now, considering the circumstances, especially from Sehun. He glances at Luhan, who is looking at Kyungsoo for an answer. Does he think, we're going to go out now? Kyungsoo's eyes are almost the size of saucers by now, as he turns to meet Sehun's gaze. He just met Luhan. They danced, albeit very intimately and then sat down. Although, when they did sit down, Kyungsoo, all but shamelessly initiated an almost full on make-out session. A make-out session that Jongin and Sehun would've most likely witnessed had they not let themselves be known. Kyungsoo gets even redder at the thought and sighs. He decides to respond, but before he can even open his mouth, he hears Baekhyun from somewhere in the crowd.

“Hey guys! I'm back with the drinks!”

Everyone at the table turns to look at Baekhyun who is swaying his body to the music in order to move through the crowd of dancing bodies, whilst clutching the drinks in his hands, above his head. Kyungsoo silently thanks the heavens for Baekhyun's impeccably good timing. He sighs in relief at not having to explain about Luhan. Baekhyun reaches the table and sets the drinks down, giving one to Kyungsoo, another to Luhan, and keeping one for himself. 

“Here you go. Oh and Lu, can I call you, Lu? Any way I brought you, this, cause I didn't know what you liked. I hope you don't mind.”

Baekhyun gives Luhan an innocent smile before he sits and finally takes a look around the table to notice the presence of two other people.

“Oh Sehun, sorry I didn't get you one. I didn't think you were going to get here so early with-”

Baekhyun cranes his neck to see who the other guest is with Sehun and is extremely surprised to see that it is none other than Kim Jongin. His bright smile dimming down just a bit when he realizes who it is.

“Jongin?”

He nervously looks from Jongin to Kyungsoo; obviously caught up to speed about everything Kyungsoo had been going through and has been trying to move one from. Damn. Jongin just had to show up now, of all times. Baekhyun bites his tongue to refrain from speaking his mind. 

“Yeah, he just got back this morning.”

Sehun tells Baekhyun the same thing he had told Kyungsoo with regards to Jongin's arrival. Baekhyun nods in understanding and numbly shoots Jongin a small smile. 

No one utters a single word after that. Even though the inside of the club has just gotten even louder, the silence at the table is deafening. Kyungsoo can feel the tension hanging in the air, like it's clinging down to every part of his body. His heart starts beating erratically in his chest, having Jongin there, sitting just a foot away from him. Kyungsoo can't handle the pregnant silence that has descended on the table, nor can he deal with the looks Baekhyun gives both him and Jongin. He completely loses it when he notices Sehun still eyeing Luhan suspiciously. To hell with this. Kyungsoo abruptly rises from his seat, garnering the attention of the other four at the table. He ignores the surprised and questioning stares he gets as he grabs hold of Luhan's hand and drags him back into the middle of the dance floor once again. 

Kyungsoo loses himself to the beat of the music and to the heat of Luhan's body radiating so close to him. He clings onto his dance partner almost desperately, afraid that if he doesn't hang on to something, he will shatter into a million pieces. He tries to shrug off the feeling of being watched, but doesn't succeed. Kyungsoo thinks he's just being paranoid, but he can feel the hairs on the back of his neck, stand. He knows it's not due to the way Luhan starts rolling and grinding his body against him. No. From the moment Kyungsoo left the table, he could feel the intense gaze from someone sitting at the table, behind him. He couldn't shake the feeling of being watched for the rest of the night.

***

Kyungsoo hates waking up at four in the morning. Every sane person on the entire planet hates waking up at four in the morning. Especially, after a night of having fun, drinking , having strangers grind up against your body, and, of course, having your first love, that you're trying to move on from, suddenly showing up out of the blue unannounced. It is just common sense to know that a person needs some well deserved rest.

On any other Sunday, Kyungsoo would have slept in and would will his brain to slowly try to make sense of exactly what kinds of twisted turns his tranquil life had taken. On this Sunday, however, Kyungsoo is up at four in the morning helping Junmyeon pack his things for an impromptu vacation to Paris, with Jongdae. Apparently, Jongdae had been planning this surprise vacation for a while, and had decided to let Junmyeon in on the surprise, on the date they had gone on, the evening prior. 

Presently, Kyungsoo is in the back seat of Junmyeon's car, nodding off, whilst ignoring the two lovebirds in the front. They had been driving for a little bit over an hour now and the departure time for Paris was rapidly approaching. He manages to find a comfortable position to rest and is almost sound asleep, but Junmyeon decides now to ask about what happened at the club.

“So, Kyungsoo. How was last night?”

Kyungsoo blinks open his eyes slowly, trying to adjust to the sun's rays beginning to creep out over the horizon. He sighs. It is too early to deal with this shit. Kyungsoo still hadn't gotten his eight hours of sleep and he doubts he will be able to give Junmyeon an accurate depiction of what happened last night, when he himself wasn't so sure. He decides to feign ignorance in hopes of being able to get out of this unwanted conversation.

“It was good. I danced a lot.”

He pretends not to notice, but Kyungsoo can clearly see Junmyeon raise an eyebrow at him through the rearview mirror.

“Really? Did nothing eventful happen?”

Kyungsoo sinks into the backseat. He rubs his face, groans at Junmyeon's obvious insinuation. Kyungsoo proceeds to pinch the bridge of his nose in annoyance and the lack of sleep only adds to his irritation.

“Hyung. I know Baek already filled you in, on what happened. Could you please just ask what it is you want to know?”

The male in the back seat is grateful that Jongdae is focusing on driving and making sure to get to the airport on time, instead of giving Kyungsoo the second degree as well. Kyungsoo comes to the conclusion that he very much likes Jongdae.

“Are you ok?”

Am I ok? Any other day Kyungsoo would've lied through his teeth saying that he was ok, but not today. Today, he was sleep deprived. Kyungsoo gives out a sarcastic laugh, that makes Junmyeon turn his head to face the younger.

“Please, Hyung. I'm fine. I'm. Just. PEACHY.”

The younger male sighs and doubles over, resting his elbows on his knees and starts rubbing his temples in a circular motion. 

“Soo, I can just cancel this trip. If you need me-”

“No!”

Kyungsoo's sudden outburst makes both Junmyeon and Jongdae jump. He can deal with whatever fate is trying to do with his life, on his own. He doesn't want or need Junmyeon cancelling a trip to Paris, just for him. It wouldn't be fair. Besides, he has moved on from Jongin. I mean it's not like I still like him. Jongin's return just came as a small surprise, no big deal. This is just a small hurdle, that Kyungsoo is sure he can jump over, with ease. Kyungsoo nods in more of a reassurance to himself rather than to his friend. He breathes in and swallows slowly. This time he responds with a much softer and quieter tone.

“I mean, no. This is a gift from Jongdae.”

Kyungsoo glances towards Jongdae through the rearview mirror.

“He planned this for the both of you. Besides, Hyung, you have always wanted to go to Paris. Don't throw away this opportunity just for my sake.”

He hopes that his abilities of persuasion don't fail him now. Kyungsoo would feel really guilty if Junmyeon decides to cancel going to Paris all because he can't seem to move on from his petty crush on his best friend from five years ago. Junmyeon eyes Kyungsoo carefully.

“Are you sure?”

“I am positive, Hyung. That self-therapy Baek suggested really did work. Jongin showing up was just a surprise, that's all. I'm sure I can handle it.”

Kyungsoo gives Junmyeon a sincere smile, because really, he isn't lying. The self therapy that Baekhyun suggested really was working. Jongin showing up really was a surprise, since Kyungsoo hadn't heard from the younger in five years. He had no idea that he would ever see or hear from the younger, again, in the long span of his life.

“Ok, well, as long as you're sure.”

Kyungsoo nods. The car suddenly comes to a halt and Kyungsoo looks out through the windows to see that they've already arrived at the airport. He climbs out from the back seat, moves towards the trunk of the car and helps the couple with their luggage. The couple says their goodbyes to Kyungsoo and promises to bring back souvenirs. 

“Make sure you take care of my car, alright.”

Jongdae ruffles Kyungsoo's hair as he leaves his car in the younger's hands.

“Don't worry I won't wreck it or anything.”

Jongdae smirks and starts pushing the luggage. Junmyeon hovers next to Kyungsoo for a few seconds and gives the younger an encouraging smile. For a moment Kyungsoo could swear that he could make out just a tiny bit of doubt in Junmyeon's eyes . Kyungsoo lets out a sigh of relief as he watches Junmyeon turn around and start to follow Jongdae. He watches the couple until he can no longer see their backs, having already disappeared into the building. Kyungsoo sighs for the upteenth time this morning and gets into the driver's seat of Jongdae's car and glances at the clock on the dash. 7 a.m. Better get home and sleep some more.

***

Monday morning doesn't prove to be any better than Sunday's. Nope. Not one bit. Kyungsoo tossed and turned all of Sunday night due to his brain's damned habit of over-analyzing and over-thinking every little thing that goes wrong in his life. Last night's topic, much to Kyungsoo's dismay, had a lot to do with the arrival of Kim Jongin. Kyungsoo tried. He really did. He thought that Jongin's presence wouldn't make any unresolved feelings bubble up to the surface once again. Kyungsoo thought he had his feelings completely and utterly under control. Well, he thought wrong. Kyungsoo's night consisted of endless dreams about Jongin, about the times they had spent together when they were younger, and about the times that Kyungsoo wished they would be more than just friends. 

To say that Monday morning, Kyungsoo was just a bit grouchy, was an understatement. It was 6:30 am, so, of course, to any innocent bystanders, looking from the outside in, it would indeed look as if Kyungsoo was just in dire need of some caffeine to get his system up and working on this cold and cloudy morning. In reality, the short man actually had the will of Satan coursing through his veins. Kyungsoo wasn't amused, not one bit, about his recent relapse. He was ready to kill a man.

Kyungsoo groans in disdain as he walks through the doors of the cafe he works at, mentally taking note that although it was his turn to open up the cafe for the day, the front doors were already open. His boss had told him that he wouldn't be able to come in on Monday, so Kyungsoo knew the boss wasn't the one responsible for the unlocked doors. Kyungsoo steps in warily, glancing from side to side, trying to take note of anything out of a place. The short man was already having a bad day, the last thing he wanted to deal with, was a petty thief trying to rob the cafe. 

The front of the store appeared safe, since their was no sign of anyone being there. Kyungsoo made sure to check underneath all the tables and then proceeded to check behind the counter. There was nothing. There was no one. Kyungsoo figures whoever opened the front doors are long gone by now, so he pulls out his phone and starts to dial the number for the local police to make a report about a break in. Yes, nothing seemed to be missing, but that didn't excuse the fact that the doors were still unlocked and wide open, when he was the only one with the spare copy of the keys to the establishment. 

Just as Kyungsoo is about to press the call button on his phone, he hears a sound coming from the back of the store. He freezes. Kyungsoo turns his head towards the source of the sound. He hears it again. It sounded like someone had dropped something onto the floor with a loud thud. Kyungsoo concludes that it is coming from inside the kitchen in the back and goes to investigate, the phone call long forgotten due to his damn curiosity. He tentatively opens the door to the back kitchen and pops his head in. Kyungsoo examines the kitchen room from wall to wall. Still nothing. Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows in confusion when he doesn't see anyone there and is about to walk back out to the front, when he hears the sound once more. The short man takes in a deep breath and boldly goes into the kitchen. At a glance, it would be easy to miss the door to the storage room in the back slightly ajar. Kyungsoo has to squint a bit from where he is standing to see that the light is also on in the room. He reaches for the nearest thing he can find as a weapon, a steel pan by the way, and slowly makes his way to the storage room.

He can hear someone moving things in the room, once he is a good two feet away from the door. Kyungsoo clutches the pan in one hand and takes the doorknob of the door in the other. He gently pulls the door open and is grateful that the man inside is facing away from him. Kyungsoo can tell that the stranger is a good foot taller than him which prompts him to hold on to the pan's handle just a bit tighter, whilst his heartbeat picks up speed. With the beginning signs of his body's adrenaline already kicking in, Kyungsoo slowly walks up behind the man,who is too engrossed in pulling stuff off of the shelves, to notice that someone is stalking up behind him with a steel pan raised. Kyungsoo is about to wack the living daylights out of the unsuspecting intruder, when suddenly said intruder turns around and breaks out in a blood curdling scream frightening Kyungsoo into doing the same. The taller of the two stumbles backwards and falls onto the floor, spilling the pack of ground coffee he must've had in his hands, all over him. The fallen giant looks up, trying to blink away the coffee grounds from his eyes and points a finger at Kyungsoo.

“WHO ARE YOU!?”

Kyungsoo's eyes widen in disbelief. 

“EXCUSE ME! WHO AM I?! I WORK HERE! WHO ARE YOU?!”

Whatever the fallen giant was going to say next, dies in his throat, because as he takes in a breath and calms his heart rate down, he slowly wipes the coffee out of his eyes and takes a good look at the short pan-wielding man.

“Kyungsoo?”

Now, Kyungsoo's eyes must be the size of planets. He takes in the appearance of the man on the floor, with all the dark ground coffee around him. Kyungsoo notices the black hair and the pointed ears and lowers his weapon. Oh.

The giant, noticing that Kyungsoo, now, has no intention of knocking him out with the steel pan, breaks out into a wide grin. He starts to get up and dusts off as much of the coffee off of himself, as he can.

“How've you been?”

“Uh...fine, but, why are you here, stealing from the storage room?”

Kyungsoo is confused. The last time he saw Chanyeol, was back in high school when he was just finishing his second year and Chanyeol was graduating. They weren't really close friends, but they hung out sometimes. Kyungsoo grimaces when he remembers that the only reason he even met Chanyeol, was because he was also friends with Kim Jongin. The shorter is snapped out of his walk down memory lane when he hears the all too familiar deep laughter coming from the older.

“Soo, I'm not stealing. I guess, the boss didn't tell you.”

The shorter raises an eyebrow questioningly.

“Tell me, what?”

Chanyeol crouches down and grabs a broom and a dust pan to collect all the coffee that was scattered all over the floor. He answers Kyungsoo's question, while he cleans.

“The Boss hired me to work here. My dad happens to be friends with the owner of this place and, due to us being in a sticky financial situation at the moment, my dad asked the guy if I could work here.”

Chanyeol stands up when he has finally gathered everything up off of the floor and beams.

“So, here I am. I'm looking forward to working here, boss.”

Kyungsoo had been nodding in understanding from the beginning of Chanyeol's story. All the way up to the part where the giant called him, boss, that is.

“What? Boss? No, I am not your boss.”

The shorter starts shaking his head rapidly, while Chanyeol drags him put of the storage room , through the kitchen, all the way to the front of the cafe. The giant situates Kyungsoo into one of the booths. Chanyeol sits across from him and places his chin onto the palms of his hands as he observes Kyungsoo who is already internally freaking out. He smiles. This little shit. Always being cute.

“Soo.”

The younger blinks and turns to face Chanyeol.

“The Boss said you were the manager and that you were going to teach me everything I needed to know. He said I was in very capable hands.”

Kyungsoo has his mouth open slightly. Completely surprised by the turn of events. So, apparently, he had now been promoted to the position of manager and was now in charge of showing Chanyeol the ways of the cafe. I mean not that it was a bad idea, hell, the would mean that Kyungsoo would be getting a raise and any extra cash was happily accepted. Besides, Kyungsoo does vaguely remember, The Boss mentioning that there was going to be a new pair of hands joining them some time this week. He just wasn't given the details as to when and who those extra hands were going to be. Kyungsoo nods.

“Well, ok then. I guess, I should start teaching you then.”

Kyungsoo glances at the wall clock above the front doors and notices it is like five minutes before 7, which is the time the cafe is officially open. Customers would be coming in at any moment now.

“So, we should-”

The younger man is slightly startled as Chanyeol slams one his hands down onto the table.

“First, can I know when we get off of work?”

Kyungsoo narrows his eyes at the taller, clearly judging him. He sighs.

“Well, if you're working full time-”

“I am.”

“Then you'll be getting off around 3-ish, just like me.”

“Oh, awesome!”

“Okaaay?”

Kyungsoo gets up from where he is sitting and starts heading towards the counter and takes out two aprons from underneath. He hands one to Chanyeol.

“Here.”

“Thank you. Also, I hope you don't think that I don't want to be here, working and stuff. I only asked when we get off, because I really need to see someone afterwards.”

“Oh, don't worry. I wasn't thinking anything negative or anything.”

Kyungsoo gives the giant a sickeningly sweet smile. If Chanyeol noticed anything off, he didn't say anything. To make up for his judging thoughts, Kyungsoo figures that taking an interest about the person Chanyeol needs to see, might make him feel less of a douche. 

“So, who is it that you need to see so urgently? If I may ask.”

“Oh, it's nothing to worry about. It's just...you remember Jongin, from high school?”

Kyungsoo takes a slight pause from wiping down the counter at the mention of Jongin's name, but quickly recovers.

“Y-yeah. I remember. Why? What's wrong with him?”

Curse his damn voice for stuttering and curse his damn innate nature of being so damn caring, even if the person in question is Kim Jongin. It seems that it doesn't matter if it's been five, very long and quiet, years between the two of them. Kyungsoo just can't help but care for Jongin.

Chanyeol catches on, to the concern present in Kyungsoo's voice and suddenly remembers that Jongin and him used to be the best of friends. Of course, he would remember Jongin. He mentally scolds himself for not remembering that sooner.

“Nothing extreme. It's just he's back and he's staying at his parent's house.”

Kyungsoo nods and mentally rolls his eyes, as he remembers the surprise he got Saturday night at the club, with Jongin's arrival. Yeah. He's. Back. I. Get. It.

“And that's bad?”

Kyungsoo is having a hard time trying to figure out why Chanyeol would be concerned. Unless, of course, Chanyeol knows something he doesn't know about Jongin. Which is highly likely.

“Kind of.”

Chanyeol has a pained look on his face as he contemplates whether it is a good idea to tell Kyungsoo the next part. Kyungsoo doesn't have to convince Chanyeol to tell him anything, however, because in the giant's mind, he concludes that since Kyungsoo was best friends with Jongin before, it wouldn't hurt to tell him. Chanyeol breathes in deeply and begins to speak.

“Before, Jongin left to America, he got into an argument with his parents and they haven't been able to solve their differences, since then. It's been bothering Jongin all this time. So, staying with his parents, right now, with how things are, isn't doing much good for him.”

Kyungsoo's brow furrows in worry for Jongin. He doesn't like knowing that the younger is hurting and has been hurting for the majority of the past five years. Kyungsoo tries to dismiss his concern for something akin to just worrying about a friend who didn't pass a class and is now doomed to repeat the same year over again. Kyungsoo tries to convince himself that the aching pain growing in his chest, where his heart is, is just him being a good friend and feeling sympathy for the other. When every fiber of his being is telling him to go find Jongin and talk to him, Kyungsoo tries to convince himself that he would have that same exact thought if he were dealing with one of his other friends, like Baekhyun, Junmyeon, or even Sehun. Kyungsoo wants to fool himself into thinking that the longing to hold and console Jongin in his arms, is just him being a good friend. Just a friend. So, as a friend, Kyungsoo thinks it wouldn't be so out of the ordinary to want to ask what exactly happened between Jongin and his family, because, as a good friend, it would be the right thing to do. Kyungsoo would've asked Chanyeol for the details pertaining to Jongin and his family, but instead bites his tongue when the first of the many customers, for the morning rush, enter through the cafe's front doors.


	2. Why Do I Still Care?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was tired of having these one-sided feelings for someone he knows damn well won't return the same feelings. Kyungsoo is tired of putting up a front, but at the same time, doesn't have the courage to come out and admit his true feelings. Kyungsoo thought he was over it. He thought he had succeeded in forgetting Jongin. What a fool Kyungsoo had been to just assume that he could get rid of his love for Jongin in a such a small amount of time.

It's been a couple weeks since Chanyeol started working at the cafe with Kyungsoo. To the shorter man's surprise, Chanyeol seemed to pick up the ways of the job rather quickly. It didn't take too long for the giant to become a pro, working at the cafe. Before long, Chanyeol stopped needing Kyungsoo's help to brew a certain type of coffee, and to prepare a certain type of drink. The Boss was also plenty satisfied with the way his new employee was bringing in new clientele. Kyungsoo had to admit that Chanyeol was rather handsome and had his own charm, even if it seemed he was more of an awkward turtle based off of appearances alone. Even though there were more clients coming by, the job went by rather smoothly having Chanyeol there, as an extra pair of hands. 

As per the other situation, Kyungsoo was really trying his hardest to overcome it. Baekhyun hadn't stopped hounding him about how he was doing and how he was coping with Jongin's arrival. The thought of having to change the locks to his place, had crossed Kyungsoo's mind. He tried his best to keep his friend at bay about his real struggle, although that proved to be rather difficult, since Baekhyun had a spare key to his apartment. Of course, he had thought about telling Baekhyun the truth and asking for help, but frankly, Kyungsoo was just tired. He was tired of always having to mentally tell and convince himself that he didn't care about Jongin; at least not in the 'he cares because he's in love with Jongin' kind of way. He was tired of having these one-sided feelings for someone he knows damn well won't return the same feelings. Kyungsoo is tired of putting up a front, but at the same time, doesn't have the courage to come out and admit his true feelings. Kyungsoo thought he was over it. He thought he had succeeded in forgetting Jongin. What a fool Kyungsoo had been to just assume that he could get rid of his love for Jongin in a such a small amount of time. 

If the reality were that Kyungsoo and Jongin wouldn't cross paths ever since that damn night at the club, life would've been much easier for Kyungsoo to deal with. Unfortunately, that situation wasn't reality. Kungsoo had become best friends with Oh Sehun and since the tall blonde was also Jongin's best friend, Kyungsoo had no choice but to see Jongin every other day. Chanyeol hadn't been kidding when he said Jongin didn't particularly enjoy staying at his parent's house. It appeared that the younger took every chance he could, to get out of the place he was staying at. It didn't take long for Kyungsoo to notice that Jongin didn't consider his childhood home, a home anymore. So, in a way, Kyungsoo didn't mind Jongin showing up when he was hanging out with Sehun. If it made Jongin happier to be out with friends, than who was Kyungsoo to say otherwise? 

Kyungsoo slumps his shoulder and hangs his head in frustration, in denial, and more than anything, in defeat. He takes the bin under the counter, used for dirty dishes, and drags himself to the unoccupied tables. If it weren't for the fact that he needed the job to pay his rent and to be able to buy food to sustain his body to be able to function properly, Kyungsoo would've most likely called in 'sick'. He was not up for anything today. Kyungsoo hadn't been up for doing anything lately. He lazily, drops the dishes into the bin, letting them fall with a loud clank. Too down in the blues, Kyungsoo doesn't notice the presence of someone creeping up behind him.

“BOO!”

The shorter man turns around wearing a bored look on his face.

“Oh. Hi, Chanyeol.”

He then turns back around and moves on to the next unoccupied table, leaving behind a dejected giant. 

Chanyeol eyes the smaller man suspiciously. He tilts his head in confusion. I mean Chanyeol had noticed that Kyungsoo hadn't been acting the way he used to, for a few days now. He pouts. He didn't like seeing his friend so sad. Chanyeol gingerly walks towards Kyungsoo one more time, already having looked around to see if there were any new customers. There were none. 

“Soo~”

Kyungsoo ignores the deep sing song voice next to him and continues on with dropping the dishes into the bin.

Chanyeol winces at the loud sound of the dishes being dropped into the bin with disregard. He inches closer to the small man. He's mere inches away from Kyungsoo's face and still the small man doesn't flinch. Chanyeol pulls back, arms crossed over his chest as he stares at the smaller cleaning up the tables with a solemn face.

Kyungsoo knows that Chanyeol is just trying to help, but he really doesn't feel up to talking to the giant about his issues. Most definitely not. He continues on with his work and moves on to the next table. Kyungsoo just finished wiping down the table he is working on, when somebody pulls up behind him and grabs his arm, pulling him behind the coffee makers, out of the way of prying eyes.

“Okay. Tell me what's wrong.”

The wide eyed boy blinks up at Chanyeol and sighs. He turns his head to the side hoping the the giant catches on that he really doesn't want to talk about this. 

“Dude, c'mon. You can talk to me. We're friends, right? You can trust me.”

Under any other circumstances, Kyungsoo might have at least considered talking to Chanyeol, but that was not going to happen, when he's aware Chanyeol is also friends with Jongin. It's already a headache having Baekhyun, Junmyeon, and Sehun know about his feelings for Jongin. He doesn't need anybody else knowing. Kyungsoo grows even more tired just thinking about having to put up a facade of being alright in front of any more additional people. 

Chanyeol takes notice of Kyungsoo's pained expression as the smaller thinks about the consequences of telling Chanyeol everything. The giant doesn't hesitate in pulling Kyungsoo into a friendly and comforting hug. 

Kyungsoo's eyes widen in surprise. He definitely was not expecting Chanyeol to react this way. He expected more questions insisting him to say what's wrong, but not this. Kyungsoo doesn't know how to react and can only stay still, with wide eyes, as he is enveloped by Chanyeol's arms. He can feel Chanyeol's breath on his ear as he starts speaking to him.

“It's ok, Soo. You don't have to say anything.”

The short man is suddenly being pushed just a short distance away from Chanyeol. The giant lowering his head to look at Kyungsoo directly into his eyes.

“If there is anything you need or if you ever want to talk, I'm here.”

Chanyeol's serious expression is replaced with a wide grin when he sees Kyungsoo nodding slowly.

Kyungsoo doesn't know what to say to Chanyeol. He hadn't expected the taller to say something like that. Kyungsoo didn't even think Chanyeol even considered him a close friend, but here he was, in front of Chanyeol, being proved wrong. Kyungsoo manages a small smile which only causes Chanyeol to grin even wider, clearly happy with having gotten Kyungsoo to smile.

The moment doesn't last long. Not with the chiming of the bell from the front doors of the cafe signaling that someone has just walked in. Kyungsoo notices the close distance between him and Chanyeol. He's startled and starts to blush slightly as he jumps back a bit and begins to head towards the bin he abandoned at one of the tables when Chanyeol pulled him away behind the counter. Kyungsoo looks up and pauses slightly when he sees the arriving customer. 

There in all his glory, stands Kim Jongin. The tan male narrows his eyes and glances between Chanyeol and Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo's brain starts running at a million thoughts per minute, thinking of all the possible reasons Jongin could have to be there, at that precise cafe. Kyungsoo's breathing returns to normal when he comes to the conclusion that thinking that Jongin came there for anything having to do with the shorter man, is just utter nonsense. Kyungsoo turns around, his back to Jongin and continues where he left off. He pretends to wipe down the already wiped down table. When it's clear that Kyungsoo doesn't have anymore tables to clear and that he has probably already taken like fifteen minutes to clear off one table, he finally decides to head back towards the counter. Kyungsoo decides he doesn't very much like the layout of the cafe. Why have the kitchen doors right behind the register? Kyungsoo doesn't get it. When he starts approaching the kitchen doors, it's clear he isn't going to get away with not saying 'hi' to Jongin.  
Kyungsoo loathes his life right now. 

Jongin and Chanyeol seem to be in a deep conversation and Kyungsoo is filled with a small flicker of hope as he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he won't have to face Jongin today. 

“Hey, Soo.”

I hate my life. Kyungsoo turns around and tries to put on the most sincere smile he can muster. It feels so fake and out of place, but considering the situation, it is all he can do so, he won't seem like a manner-less dick. 

“Hi, Jongin.”

That's it. He doesn't stay to hear anything else. He doesn't stay to ask any questions. All Kyungsoo does, is say 'hi' and quickly heads into the back kitchen. Kyungsoo puts the dishes into the sink and grips the sides of the counter and closes his eyes. He takes deep breath, maybe once, maybe more than once, until he clears his head and returns back to his normal functions. Kyungsoo begins to wash the dishes and is almost done with all of them, when Chanyeol walks into the kitchen, with Jongin in toll. 

“Soo, I need to talk to Jongin, for a sec. You think you can cover for me at the front, just for now?”

Kyungsoo turns around as he wipes his hands on one of the drags he found on the counter. He narrows his eyes at Chanyeol, not at all amused that he has to now take care of the front of the store. It's not his turn and he isn't in the mood to deal with people. 

“Please~ It's important.”

Chanyeol starts to use his charms and begins to make puppy eyes. The giant had caught on very early in the game, that Kyungsoo seemed to be a sucker for this method of persuasion and Chanyeol had no qualms in using it when it benefited him. Not that he took advantage of this newly acquired information. He just really needs to talk to Jongin right now.

Kyungsoo sighs and caves. He signals to the storage room as he starts to make his way to the front, carefully avoiding any unnecessary eye contact with Jongin.

“Use the storage room. It's more private.”

The giant engulfs the smaller into a tight hug as he lifts him up and twirls him around a bit. Jongin only looks on, extremely perplexed. 

“Thankyouthankyou!”

Chanyeol sets the small boy down.

“You are the best boss ever!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Kyungsoo only waves him off and walks out of the kitchen. It's only after he is at the front register that he starts to wonder why exactly Chanyeol would need to talk to Jongin so urgently. He has gotten to know Chanyeol well enough these past couple of weeks to know that the giant had some professional discipline. Kyungsoo has a sneaking suspicion that Chanyeol wouldn't have asked for this favor unless it was really urgent. If this revelation was supposed to make Kyungsoo feel any better about Chanyeol's odd behavior, it didn't. This only meant that whatever Chanyeol had to talk about with Jongin, was bad. It meant that Jongin wasn't doing so well. It meant that Jongin had come here to see Chanyeol and get something off of his chest, because something was weighing down on the younger's shoulders. Kyungsoo leans on the counter and groans in pain and frustration. He can never win, can he?

He straightens up when he hears the doors to the kitchen, open up behind him. He watches as Jongin walks out, not even giving Kyungsoo a second glance, with a sad and tired expression on his face. Something deep inside Kyungsoo urges him to go towards Jongin and he is about to yell for Jongin to 'wait up', but then Chanyeol comes up behind him and places a hand on his shoulder. Kyungsoo pauses. The wide-eyed man turns and looks up to see Chanyeol shaking his head.

***

Kyungsoo needed a distraction. He needed to get his mind off of Jongin. He needed to stop wondering if the younger was alright. Kyungsoo needed to stop thinking period. So, when Sehun called one Saturday afternoon, inviting Kyungsoo to go out to the club again, the short man happily accepted. Kyungsoo made sure to ask if it was just going to be the two of them going, since he didn't want anymore 'surprises' showing up again. Lately, the situation with Sehun was that if Kyungsoo wanted to hang out with the young blonde, Jongin would also be there. In the past couple of weeks Sehun and Jongin had fallen back into their familiar relationship of being best friends and now, if one of them went out, the other followed. Kyungsoo wasn't too thrilled about the new package deal. So, he made sure that tonight, just tonight, Sehun would opt for coming by himself.

Sehun insisted on picking Kyungsoo up at the shorter's place, so they could go to the club together. Kyungsoo found it endearing the way Sehun liked to look after him, even though he was actually the older of the two and all the coddling really should be the other way around. Kyungsoo's cell phone rings and the caller ID shows it's just Sehun calling to tell the older that he is already downstairs waiting for him. The short man looks at the mirror one last time before heading out.

Once at the club, Kyungsoo doesn't waste any time and before long already finds himself at the center of the dance floor. He must've lost Sehun somewhere in the time they had walked in. The club being unusually crowded tonight making the smaller think that he just lost Sehun somewhere in the crowd. Kyungsoo doesn't worry too much about that fact. He just really needed the high that came with the reverberating bass echoing throughout the club and the energy of everybody else dancing so close to him. He needed a distraction. He could worry about looking for Sehun later. Kyungsoo loses himself in the music and the dancing, much like the last time. This time, however, he does notice someone approaching him from the side and he tilts his to see who it is. 

It's Sehun. Kyungsoo smiles in relief that he won't have to abandon his favorite spot and go looking for the tall blonde. The smile quickly dims when he notices the almost sorry expression on the younger. Kyungsoo turns to Sehun and tilts his head sideways, as if asking Sehun, 'what's wrong?' Sehun sighs and wraps his hand onto one of Kyungsoo's arms and starts pulling the shorter away from his safe zone. 

Sehun ends up bringing Kyungsoo to one of the tables and sits him down onto the chair. Kyungsoo having not said a word the whole way there. He had never seen Sehun so worried and uncomfortable. Well, apart from the last time they had gone clubbing and Sehun had kept on eyeing his dance partner for the night and also for conveniently neglecting to mention he was going to bring, you know who, to the party. Wait a minute. Kyungsoo narrows his eyes at Sehun, as the taller plops his butt onto one of the empty chairs across from him.

Sehun notices the way Kyungsoo is looking at him and lowers his head apologetically. He clearly knows Kyungsoo is starting to figure it out. Sehun thinks that Kyungsoo was always and has always been too smart for his own good. A small smile forms on his face as he remembers how he has always admired that side of the older, nonetheless.

“Tell me you didn't.”

The younger's smile falters. Guess, he already figured it out. He raises his head a bit and gives Kyungsoo an apologetic smile. He watches Kyungsoo, sigh in exasperation and instantly feels guilty for having told Jongin where he was. It seemed the dancer needed to get out of his house for the night. Something about getting into, yet, another argument with his parents. As Jongin's best friend, Sehun couldn't just leave the guy alone. As a friend, Sehun told Jongin he was at the club and told him if he needed to get out, he was more than welcomed to stop by. 

Kyungsoo thinks, no, he is now thoroughly convinced, that the world is out to get him. He just can't seem to catch a break. It is almost as if the whole world is plotting against him and trying to put Jongin and him in the same room, every damn time. Kyungsoo looks at Sehun, who has a sheepish look on his face. 

“Do you need a drink?”

The older tilts his head back and blinks at the dark ceiling above him, a few times. He moves his head and looks back at the younger and nods. Kyungsoo's response comes out almost as a plea.

“Please.”

Sehun mumbles an inaudible 'sorry' before getting up and leaving to get Kyungsoo a drink. Although, Sehun's apology was barely above a whisper, Kyungsoo hears it. He isn't mad at Sehun, he just wishes that the taller would've told him sooner about Jongin coming. Sehun should've warned him. Or not. Kyungsoo doesn't know. On the one hand if Kyungsoo had known sooner, he most likely wouldn't have come to the club. However, if Sehun hadn't told him at all, then Kyungsoo would've been caught off guard and that wasn't something he was looking forward to going through, again. Kyungsoo groans and decides to hide his face in the palms of his hands until Sehun comes back.

He hears the scraping of a chair being pulled back, near him. Well, that was fast. Kyungsoo looks up to grab his drink and take a huge gulp of it, convinced that he will need the extra courage to get through this night. He moves to grab the drink, but is surprised to find that there isn't one. Sehun isn't there, but Jongin is. Kyungsoo's breath catches at the back of his throat as Jongin looks at him, with a worried look.

“Are you ok?”

Kyungsoo was so sick and tired of hearing that question. Of course, he wasn't ok. How could he be, when Jongin kept showing up out of nowhere. Kyungsoo swallows whatever smart ass response he wanted to say and opts for the safer approach. He' ll just have to lie.

“Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?”

Kyungsoo clearly meant that last part as more of a rhetorical question but it seemed Jongin couldn't quite pick up on that. 

“Well, for starters, you had your face buried in your hands and, honestly, you look kind of pale.”

Jongin reaches a hand to feel Kyungsoo's forehead, but the older quickly flinches away from the touch. Noticing this, Jongin retracts his hand and lets it fall onto the table, hand closing into a fist. The younger's mouth morphs into a firm line as he looks away from Kyungsoo, not quite understanding why the older is acting that way towards him. 

Kyungsoo on the other hand isn't handling the situation any better. He doesn't get why Jongin is acting so concerned. He doesn't understand why Jongin would care if he is sick or not. Kyungsoo doesn't know why any of this is happening. He digs his fingers into his thighs in hopes of being able to calm down and distract himself from the other pain he is feeling in his chest. He needs Sehun to come back, now. He doesn't think he will be able to make it through this night without the tall blonde. Kyungsoo contemplates leaving, when he estimates that Sehun has already taken way too long. Yes, the club was a bit more crowded than he's used to and yes, that could very well be the reason why Sehun still hasn't come back, but Kyungsoo can't take the silence between him and Jongin. He doesn't even understand why he can't handle it. Kyungsoo managed to do it all throughout high school, so why couldn't he do it now? What changed? Kyungsoo doesn't have a clue. All he knows is that this situation, is the most uncomfortable situation he has ever been in, in his entire life. 

Just as Kyungsoo is about to make a b-line for the bathroom and put some distance between Jongin and him, a savior walks out of the mesh of dancing bodies. The older's eyes widen and a flicker of hope ignites somewhere deep within him. As if Kyungsoo had called the other's name, the familiar stranger turns and meets eyes with Kyungsoo. The stranger breaks into a wide smile and starts making his way towards the smaller. Kyungsoo stands up abruptly as the other approaches, capturing Jongin's attention.

“Kyungsoo!”

Kyungsoo doesn't know what higher power is watching over him, but he silently sends a thanks to whoever or whatever, for allowing him to find his ability to speak.

“Luhan!”

The short blonde pulls Kyungsoo into an embrace, all the while, a sitting Jongin observes the interaction between them. Luhan pulls back and he notices the slight paleness on Kyungsoo's face. His hands drops down to grasp at Kyungsoo's hands and Luhan is even more concerned when he notices the cold, claminess state they are in. However, before he can ask Kyungsoo if he is ok, Kyungsoo cuts him off.

“I'm glad you could make it. I thought you had forgotten about that thing we agreed on.”

Luhan is taken aback because he doesn't remember ever having made any plans with Kyungsoo. They had met once the last time Kyungsoo was there at the club, but that was it. Luhan had given Kyungsoo his number but that didn't mean that the smaller man had made any effort into calling him. 

Kyungsoo's grip on the blonde, tightens and he nervously glances towards Jongin. Luhan seems to catch on, somewhat, and decides to play along to whatever Kyungsoo is planning. Clearly, noticing that that the smaller doesn't seem to be faring too well.

“Uh, yeah. That thing. Right. So, do you want to get going? Or-”

“Yes. Absolutely. We should probably get going, right now.”

Being tense all over, Kyungsoo briefly glances at Jongin, who is just sitting in his chair in confusion. The scene before him, developing way too fast for his liking.

“Jongin, could you tell Sehun, that I left with Luhan. Tell him not to worry.”

And, with that, Kyungsoo latches onto Luhan's arm and drags him out of the club. He doesn't even wait for Jongin to reply or let him ask any questions. Kyungsoo practically runs out, struggling to get out of the club's crowded, humid atmosphere and out into the cold night, for some much needed air.


	3. I Met Someone...His Name Is Luhan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was tired of having these one-sided feelings for someone he knows damn well won't return the same feelings. Kyungsoo is tired of putting up a front, but at the same time, doesn't have the courage to come out and admit his true feelings. Kyungsoo thought he was over it. He thought he had succeeded in forgetting Jongin. What a fool Kyungsoo had been to just assume that he could get rid of his love for Jongin in a such a small amount of time.

It's as if some invisible force had wrapped its hands around Kyungsoo's lungs and is relishing in trying to squeeze every last bit of oxygen out of them. Kyungsoo can't breathe. He's trying to suck in some air, but his body is refusing to cooperate; his lungs contracting in on themselves instead of expanding. He feels like the walls of the car (he assumes it's Luhan's) are closing in on him and confining him in a small place. The air around Kyungsoo proving to be almost obsolete for him to be able to breathe in any of it. He starts to pound his fists against his knees in desperation and mentally yells at himself to calm down, pace himself, and take a deep breath. It isn't helping and Kyungsoo was starting to panic. 

Luhan had lead Kyungsoo towards his car, when he noticed that the smaller, was starting to behave and breathe erratically. Kyungsoo seemed to be showing early signs of a panic attack and Luhan was not the type of guy to just leave someone in a vulnerable state like that, by themselves. He pushed Kyungsoo into the passenger's seat and then proceeded to get into the driver's side. Once inside, Luhan's suspicion's were proven right, when he witnessed Kyungsoo having a difficult time breathing.

A hand suddenly lands on Kyungsoo's back and he would've jumped up startled if it weren't for him being fully aware that Luhan was the only other person with him. Luhan moves his hand up and down on Kyungsoo's back, in what Kyungsoo can only guess, in an attempt to soothe him and try to calm him down. He didn't really put much care to the fact that Luhan was more or less a complete stranger, but instead focused on the fact that the blonde was trying to help him. Kyungsoo can barely hear Luhan's voice through the loud rushing of blood pumping, in his ears. He can feel Luhan's other hand wrap around his left hand in reassurance that he's isn't alone. 

“C'mon, Kyungsoo. Try to calm down. God damn it! Where is a damn paper bag when I need it?!”

Luhan tries to coax Kyungsoo to take deep breaths in order to get him to breathe normally. 

“Okay, try to follow me, alright? When I count to 3 you try to inhale and try to hold it for 5 seconds and then exhale. Ready? I, 2, 3, inhale.”

Kyungsoo tries his best to do as Luhan tells him. He struggles at first and his grip on Luhan's hand tightens, his breathing extremely shaky and broken. After a few more tries, Kyungsoo can manage to inhale a good amount of air. He holds it for five seconds and then exhales. The lightheadedness he was feeling, starts to fade away slowly. The sound of blood pounding in his ears starts to diminish and his vision begins to clear. Kyungsoo can feel sweat dripping down the side of his face when he finally comes to and takes in his surroundings. His body seems to relax and cool down, now that the worst part is over. He takes the opportunity to lean back onto the seat and tilts his head back, taking comfort in the way his joints start to loosen up and his entire body unwinds. 

“Feeling better?”

Still too weak to speak, let alone will his brain to form a coherent sentence, Kyungsoo opts for a simple nod to let the blonde know he is, indeed, ok. Minutes pass by in silence, while Luhan gives Kyungsoo time to recuperate. The smaller, glad, that Luhan isn't trying to make him talk about anything, any time soon. However, Kyungsoo knows that he can't just leave Luhan without any explanation as to why he just had a panic attack and why he had to come up with a way to get out of the club without letting his friends know the reason. He owes the blonde at least that much. So, reluctantly, Kyungsoo weakly sits up straight in the passenger's seat and turns to face Luhan, who is observing Kyungsoo with wary.  
Kyungsoo sighs at the fact that he will have to lie, yet again, about the circumstances surrounding what just happened. 

“Uhm, thank you. I'm sorry you had to see that. I guess I just wasn't feeling all that well. I should probably lay off the club scene and the drinking, for a while.”

Kyungsoo gives Luhan a small smile and then tries to laugh off the whole situation. He hopes that the reason he gave the blonde is enough to satisfy him. Luhan only stares, unblinking, at Kyungsoo, who is trying to worm his way out of the situation. When, Kyungsoo sees that Luhan isn't going to say anything, he figures he might a well just go and stop giving the blonde so much trouble.

“Ok, so, I'll just be on my way-”

The smaller is about to open the car door and walk out of the blonde's car, but a strong and firm grip on his arm prevents his departure. Kyungsoo tenses and glances at Luhan.

“Stay.”

Kyungsoo doesn't know how to react or what to say. He is already embarrassed enough with Luhan having seen him completely freak out. Kyungsoo doesn't understand why the blonde would be asking him to stay. He blinks a few times and begins to slowly shake his head. The grip on his arm tightens slightly and Kyungsoo grows more tense.

“Look, you just had a fucking panic attack and I'll be damned if I'm just going to let you out of my car to fend for yourself after what just happened. You could get hurt or you could have another panic attack.”

Luhan's voice is low, but stern. Kyungsoo understands what Luhan is saying and after some quick analyzing of the situation, he concludes that the blonde means no harm and just really wants to help him out. The smaller relaxes, and lets go of the car's door handle. Luhan, then, releases his grip on Kyungsoo's arm. Silence, soon follows. Kyungsoo is glad that the blonde had the smarts to turn up the heat in the car a fews seconds after he was let go. A sick kind of coldness already starting to settle onto Kyungsoo's body and seeping down deep into his bones. He rubs his arms up and down in hopes of creating some friction. Luhan notices and takes off his own jacket and drapes it over Kyungsoo, making the smaller freeze.

“Relax. It's just my jacket. You seemed cold.”

Luhan gives Kyungsoo a kind and sincere smile. A smile that makes Kyungsoo feel warm all over, chasing away the coldness. Thank the heavens that Kyungsoo managed to find a decent human being in a place like that club they had just left. Not that the club was a total wreck, but it also wasn't a place that just everyone would be comfortable going to. The only reason Kyungsoo even went was because Sehun always went with him. Kyungsoo was not stupid enough to go there by himself. Thinking about Sehun, has Kyungsoo widening his eyes in realization. He had just walked out of the club without a word. He frantically takes his cellphone out and notices he has a couple of missed calls from Sehun. The younger probably concerned about Kyungsoo and not at all satisfied with the message Jongin had been to told to pass on. Kyungsoo sighs heavily and leans back into the passenger seat, clutching Luhan's jacket closer to his body.

From the driver's side, Luhan watches the smaller carefully. His brows furrowing when he sees Kyungsoo sigh and lean back into the passenger's seat. Luhan thinks he looks very tired and worn out. Under the light inside the car, Luhan can clearly see the dark circles under Kyungsoo's eyes, in a stark contrast with pale skin. The smaller loking as if he hadn't been able to sleep for the past few days. Luhan sympathizes with the other. He had watched how Kyungsoo had frantically tried to get out of the club as fast as possible. He had watched how Kyungsoo didn't even try to tell the people he was with, maybe Kyungsoo's friends, that he wasn't feeling well. No, instead, Luhan, a stranger, had been the witness to Kyungsoo's panic attack and now the shorter was even ignoring the calls he had missed. Luhan knew someone had called Kyungsoo, because he had felt the phone vibrate when he was trying to calm the smaller down. He watched Kyungsoo take out his phone with an annoyed expression before the smaller leaned back into his seat. Luhan hesitates before opening his mouth, but his curiosity wins him over. 

“So, did your friend call?”

Kyungsoo looks over at Luhan with a stoic look. He blinks a few times before replying. He figures Luhan must've seen when he took out his phone and saw Sehun's missed calls.

“Yeah.”

Luhan nods.

“Aren't you going to call them back?”

Kyungsoo thinks about it and decides that it's probably not the best idea. Not with Jongin there at least. Nope. Definitely not the greatest idea. He doesn't want the younger seeing him in this state. Kyungsoo grimaces just thinking of that happening as he shakes his head. 

Luhan notices this and is quick to question it. He doesn't know why and doesn't really care, but all Luhan knows is that Kyungsoo doesn't seem like such a bad guy and seeing him all worn down, isn't something he particularly enjoys watching. 

“What's wrong? Why don't you want to let your friends know what's going on with you?”

As if on cue, Kyungsoo's phone starts to vibrate and Sehun's name starts flashing across the screen. Kyungsoo doesn't press the decline button, but instead lets the phone call go to voicemail; not wanting to seem rude by declining, but also not wanting to speak to the tall blonde. 

“It looks like your friends are worried.”

Kyungsoo nods in agreement, voice sounding exhausted, when he does open his mouth to speak.

“It seems that way. Yeah.”

“Then why didn't you answer?”

The smaller sighs in irritation and closes his eyes. He is tired. He doesn't have any energy left to lie so, he just decides to answer Luhan's questions with the truth. It's just easier that way.

“I don't want to talk to them.”

Luhan notices that there isn't any hesitation in Kyungsoo's voice when he responds so he rolls with that and starts asking more questions.

“Why don't you want to talk to them?”

“I'm tired of lying.”

“Lying? Why would you have to lie?”

The blonde notices the way Kyungsoo's jaw clenches

“Things...are...complicated.”

Complicated? Luhan doesn't know what kinds of things Kyungsoo must be going through, but he does start to recall the way Kyungsoo was acting inside the club. The way Kyungsoo was nervously glancing back at the guy that was sitting with him at the table. He vaguely remembers that same guy being there when he first met Kyungsoo as well. From what he understood, that guy, was also friends with Kyungsoo. What if that guy did something to Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo did look very nervous... Luhan tried to push his luck and asks about the mysterious guy.

“Does that have anything to do with the guy that was with you, before we got out of the club?”

At this, Kyungsoo slowly opens his eyes, bends over and stares down at his hands in his laps. He bites his bottom lip in hesitation of telling Luhan, a total stranger, the truth. He thinks it over. On the one hand, Kyungsoo doesn't really know Luhan. How can he just go around telling a complete stranger about his problems. You just don't do that. How can one do that? Then again, Luhan being a perfect stranger is the ideal thing. Luhan wouldn't be biased in his thoughts about the whole situation. It was clear that Luhan didn't know Jongin or any of his other friends. If anyone was going to listen to Kyungsoo and maybe, perhaps, be able to give him some sound advice, it would be Luhan. Kyungsoo takes a deep breath and answers Luhan, with a shaky voice. 

“Yes.”

“Did...did he...do something to hurt you?”

Kyungsoo's eyes widen at the sudden accusing tone he was hearing from Luhan. He starts to panic when he notices that he may be giving Luhan the wrong idea about Jongin.

“Oh, no!”

The quick and sudden response only serves to make Luhan more alert, thinking that maybe Kyungsoo is trying to defend the other guy, even after the guy in question did something horrible.

“I mean, it's nothing bad. At least, it's nothing that you're probably thinking.”

“And what is it exactly, that I am probably thinking?”

Luhan is trying to fish for the truth. Preparing himself to hear whatever it is that Jongin might have done to the smaller. Kyungsoo runs his hands through his hair in frustration, clearly losing control of the entire conversation. Control. That's exactly what Kyungsoo's life had been lacking since the moment Kim Jongin arrived. Kyungsoo feels utterly powerless. 

“Just! It's not...ugh!...Jongin...he...he never hurt me in the way you're thinking. He never physically laid a hand on me.”

“Jongin? Is that the guy's name?”

“God! Yes! That's his name!”

Luhan shuts up when he sees that Kyungsoo has grown agitated with the mention of Jongin. He instantly feels guilty for having pushed the topic, but at the same time feels relieved knowing that Jongin hadn't hurt Kyungsoo. 

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't I have asked. I shouldn't have just assumed things.”

The smaller is already on the edge of tears because, damn, how he hates that Jongin makes him feel this way. So weak. So out of control. This secret is really starting to eat away at Kyungsoo, ever so slowly. He feels himself starting to crumble from the inside, out.

“Luhan.”

Maybe...

“Yes?”

If I tell him...

“Can I tell you something?”

Maybe... 

“Sure.”

Maybe, I won't break...

Kyungsoo wraps his arms around himself, still clinging onto Luhan's jacket as if it were a life ring, the last thing he has to hold on to, to save himself from drowning in his confusion and uncertainty, and begins to speak. 

“It's just...Jongin...I like him. A lot. Hell, I don't just like him. I'm in love with him and I haven't been able to be honest with him. I haven't been able to tell him. I've been hiding this secret from him...for more than five years.”

Kyungsoo turns to look at Luhan with tears already brimming the edges of his eyes. The blonde seems to be unfazed by the sudden declaration of Kyungsoo's feelings for another and simply nods, urging Kyungsoo to continue.

“Every single one of our friends know about my feelings for Jongin, except for Jongin himself! Everyone knows how difficult it has been for me to try to move on and, for a while, I was doing good. I was fine. I got help from my friend and my feelings for Jongin were fading. That is, until Jongin showed up out of nowhere after five years of not hearing a word from him.”

Kyungsoo stops to catch his breath and buries his face into the palms of his hands. His face already wet with hot tears and and various other liquids. He can feel Luhan's hand on his shoulder as he starts crying uncontrollably.

“If being around Jongin so much, hurts you, than why are you putting yourself in situation where you will have to be together?”

Kyungsoo almost laughs at the question. As if that idea hadn't already crossed his mind.

“It's not like I want things to happen this way! It's just a cruel fact that me and Jongin just happen to have the same circle of friends and chances are that if try to hang out with any of them, he will be there! I'm just so tired. I was moving on. I was getting on with my life and now...now I feel like I'm being pushed back to square one. I feel like everything I have done was all done in vain. All for nothing...and it frustrates me to no end.”

Luhan only nods, understanding the unfortunate situation Kyungsoo is in and remains quiet. He understands, but he doesn't really know what to say to Kyungsoo. Luhan settles for staying quiet and letting Kyungsoo say what he needs to say.

“You want to know what the worst part is? Even after all this time, I still care about Jongin. I care so much about his well being and I don't even care that he couldn't see that my feelings for him were, and are, far from something between just friends. I still want things between us to go back to the way they were. I want us to be best friends again, at least. I can't bring myself to just stop caring. I can't do it.”

By now, Kyungsoo, had stopped crying. Probably having already depleted his body of anymore tears. Somehow, though, Kyungsoo feels a bit better; lighter, even. He knows that half of what he just said probably didn't make any sense to Luhan, but that doesn't matter. What does matter now, is that, Kyungsoo feels a bit more free. For the first time, in what feels like forever, Kyungsoo thinks that he made the right choice in telling Luhan his secret. Kyungsoo hadn't felt this much in control, ever since Jongin's arrival. The smaller looks up at the blonde, who has his eyes planted on Kyungsoo, unmoving.

“I'm sorry you had to hear that. I just-”

Luhan reaches over and places a hand on Kyungsoo's shoulder. 

“It's ok. Some people just need to talk out their problems to feel better and what's more perfect than dropping all those issues, on a complete stranger?”

Luhan smiles that same warm and kind smile that Kyungsoo saw a few minutes ago. The one that made him feel at ease and warm all over. 

“Besides, it's not like I understood half the stuff you said anyway.”

This makes Kyungsoo laugh and in return Luhan's smile grows at having succeeded in getting Kyungsoo to smile. At that moment, Luhan decides that he doesn't want to ever see Kyungsoo in this state again. Not ever, does he want to see Kyungsoo's face stained with tears and sadness.

“Hey, Kyungsoo.”

“Hmm.”

“ I know we barely know each other, but if you ever need someone to talk to or you just want to get away from all of what you just told me...call me. We could hang out together. I could take your mind off of things.”

Kyungsoo turns to look at Luhan. He doesn't know what to respond. Luhan's sudden proposal has his eyes growing in size, but at the same time, Kyungsoo doesn't think that would be such a bad idea. Luhan is offering to be his distraction. Kyungsoo is aware that he doesn't really know the blonde, but don't all friendships start of as getting to know a complete and perfect stranger? Luhan is offering to be his escape. Luhan is offering Kyungsoo a chance to get to know him and from what the smaller can already tell, Luhan really seems like a nice guy. Kyungsoo considers this to be a step up compared to going to the more than shady, club. As much, as Kyungsoo loves his friends, he doesn't see it possible for him to hang out with them as much as he used to, because he knows Jongin will be there. If he has any hope of moving on from Jongin, Kyungsoo is going to need some space. Kyungsoo can't very tell Jongin to not hang around anymore. He can't do that. Kyungsoo manages a small heart shaped smile, looks straight at Luhan, and speaks with a confident tone.

“Alright, then. I'll call you.”


	4. Stay By My Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was tired of having these one-sided feelings for someone he knows damn well won't return the same feelings. Kyungsoo is tired of putting up a front, but at the same time, doesn't have the courage to come out and admit his true feelings. Kyungsoo thought he was over it. He thought he had succeeded in forgetting Jongin. What a fool Kyungsoo had been to just assume that he could get rid of his love for Jongin in a such a small amount of time.

It had been a very long day at the cafe and Kyungsoo was ready to go home. He couldn't quite believe that it was still tuesday. It was still, only the second day of the week. Kyungsoo makes a face as he thinks about.

“Hey, boss!”

Kyungsoo turns the faucet off and stops washing the dishes and walks out of the kitchen, to see Chanyeol. The giant is already at the front, with one foot out the door, ready to go home and sleep off the exhaustion from today's busy day.

“I'm gonna go. Will you be okay, closing up by yourself?”

“Yeah. I'll be fine. See you tomorrow.”

Kyungsoo waves Chanyeol good-bye and watches as the taller walks out and makes a right, making his way towards the bus stop. He turns around and walks back into the kitchen to finish washing the dishes. Kyungsoo starts humming a tune, obviously in quite a better mood than last week. He recalls how Chanyeol joked around with him and even asked if he had gotten 'laid' over the weekend. To which Kyungsoo responded with a definite 'no', but he did say he had made a new 'friend'. Kyungsoo laughs to himself when he remembers how Chanyeol arched an eyebrow and a smug smile formed on his face at the mention of the word 'friend'. The giant, clearly assuming that the new person in Kyungsoo's life was more than just a friend. 

A new friend. Kyungsoo felt good to have made a new friend. He liked the fact that Luhan didn't know any of his friends. At least, personally, because Kyungsoo had spoken about them to Luhan, enough, that the blonde could probably tell them apart when and if he ever met them in person. 

It had only been three days since Luhan had seen Kyungsoo at his most vulnerable. Kyungsoo had started to text Luhan the day after the whole panic attack incident, much to Sehun's dismay. The tall blonde wasn't very amused with the way Kyungsoo had left the club and not told him where he was going. Sehun was especially not amused with the fact that the message Kyungsoo left behind said that he had left with the guy from the other night at the club. Regardless, Kyungsoo started texting Luhan more. He started by thanking the blonde for having generously taken time to drive the smaller home the night of the incident and then, the conversation just branched out from there. 

Kyungsoo walks out of the kitchen whilst simultaneously taking off his apron. He stops by the front register and digs out his keys from the bottom of the counter and heads to the front doors. He is just finishing locking the doors when he senses the familiar vibrations of his phone on the side of his thigh. Kyungsoo digs out his cellphone and notices that it's Sehun calling. Hmm. Weird. Kyungsoo double checks the time. He knows that tuesdays are usually Sehun's dance practice days. 

Sehun had taken dance as a hobby so, he would go in the morning hours to the local dance studio to practice and then would stay in the afternoon to teach younger kids to dance. So, it takes Kyungsoo by surprise when he sees that it is indeed Sehun calling him, right this very moment. The short man raises the phone to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Soo!”

“Hey, Sehun. I thought you were at dance practice today. "I was, but the instructor that I help out in the afternoons, got someone else to help on tuesdays. I'll only be going on thursdays from now on.”

“Oh, cool. So, what's up?”

“Well, let's see. What are you doing right now?”

Kyungsoo had already started walking home, but stops at Sehun's question. Some instinct in his body warning him not to proceed any further.

“Right now?”

He looks back behind him, the way he came from.

“Yes. Right now.”

“Uhm, I just finished closing the cafe. It's tuesday, remember? I go in at 9 am and get off of work at 5 pm.”

“Awesome! Hurry up and get home so we can go out for dinner! We're waiting.”

Kyungsoo takes a step forward and relaxes. Oh, it's just dinner. He mentally scolds himself for being so paranoid. He doesn't even find it strange that Sehun is already at his apartment. Kyungsoo has the sneaking suspicion that, that is all Baekhyun's doing. He hadn't really gotten around to changing the locks to his apartment. Kyungsoo shakes his head at having tensed up automatically at Sehun's question. Of course, it was just a simple dinner out with friends. There was nothing to worry about if it was just his friends. Friends.... Wait.

“We?”

Please don't.

“Yeah. You know 'we'. The usual suspects.”

“Riiight.”

Still skeptical, Kyungsoo slows down his walk and nervous sweat starts to form on his his forehead. He is about to ask Sehun for the name of the place they are going to go, to have dinner, when he hears the resonating sound of something breaking in the background.

“What was that?”

“What was what?”

“Sehun?”

“Ok, ok. Sorry. Jongin may or may not have accidentally broken one of your ridiculously expensive porcelain plates. Why do you have those anyway?”

Kyungsoo stops walking. Jongin? The smaller moves his phone a small distance away from his face and sighs heavily. He should've known Jongin was there. He should've seen it coming. This shouldn't have come as too much of a surprise. Kyungsoo can hear Jongin's voice through the phone, from somewhere in the background, apologizing for his clumsiness. Kyungsoo didn't at all care about the plate or how expensive it was. It just so happened that his parents were loaded and occasionally would indulge Kyungsoo with some surprise gifts here and there. In the past, Kyungsoo would've laughed at Jongin for being such a klutz. In the past, Kyungsoo would've teased Jongin, for the longest, about having to owe him a new expensive plate. He would've had fun with this and teased Jongin just like any other best friends would. However, this...this was not the past.

“First of all, those were a gift from my parents and secondly, it's fine. Tell Jongin not to worry about it.”

Sehun hears the change in Kyungsoo's tone of voice. The smaller sounding more distracted and tense. 

“Kyungsoo?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you ok?”

Kyungsoo can hear the noise in the background, cease. Sehun probably had him on speaker phone. 

“Uh, yeah...it's just...”

Kyungsoo bites his bottom lip as he stands on the sidewalk looking to the path in front of him and the path behind him. He doesn't know what to do. Should he go and have dinner with his friends, including Jongin? Or, should he just tell Sehun the truth? Tell Sehun that he doesn't think he will be comfortable in the same room as Jongin. Kyungsoo swallows nervously as he thinks about what to do next. He opens his mouth to tell Sehun his answer, but a faint beeping is heard on the line. Kyungsoo looks at the screen of his phone and his eyes widen at the name of the caller.

“Hey, Sehun? I'm gonna have to call you back.”

“What? Wait! Are you ok. Do you need us to come over?”

Kyungsoo turns his head as if someone had told him to do so. The shorter man smiles to himself as he looks over across the street. Kyungsoo sees the other person who is calling, on the other side of the street.

“No. You don't need to come. I just forgot I had made plans with someone else. He's calling me right now, actually. So, I'm gonna have to hang up now. Bye, don't wait for me.”

Before Sehun has a chance to say anything or ask anything, Kyungsoo ends the call. He gets to the intersection and waits for the pedestrian light to change from red to green. The man on the other side of the street mirrors Kyungsoo's movements. Kyungsoo looks up to see the man standing directly in front of him, across the street. A smile forming on the smaller's lips. Kyungsoo's phone starts to vibrate again and he holds it up to his ear. 

“Hey, Luhan.”  
***

“So, you just happened to be walking around the same area where I work and you just happened to bump into me?”

Kyungsoo eyes Luhan questioningly, trying to figure out if this little encounter was thought of, beforehand, or just pure coincidence like the blonde claims. Luhan had called just in time, for Kyungsoo to have an excuse not to go to dinner with Sehun and the rest of his friends and then just happened to be standing across the street from him, when it happened. Luhan raises his right hand, while trying to suppress a fit of laughter.

“I swear, I am not a stalker. I really and honestly did just bump into you by coincidence.”

Kyungsoo narrows his eyes. It's not like he doesn't believe the blonde. He knows that Luhan isn't a bad guy. If Kyungsoo really thought Luhan was up to no good, he wouldn't have agreed to grab something to eat when Luhan asked. He just liked making the other squirm. It was fun.

“Oh my god! Kyungsoo, I swear!”

A few of the people in the small diner they went to, turn their heads to glare at the spot where the duo was sitting. Kyungsoo doesn't let the extra attention bother him, although, the urge to laugh at Luhan only grows. It's too much for Kyungsoo, when he sees that Luhan isn't smiling anymore and instead looks more serious in trying to get the smaller to believe him. Kyungsoo breaks out into laughter.

“Hey! Why are you laughing?! That wasn't funny!”

“SHHHH!”

A generous amount of people around them have resorted to shushing the boisterous pair and Luhan gives them a slight apologetic bow. The blonde makes a face at Kyungsoo, who can't stop laughing and is holding his lower abdomen.

“Awe, man. That was funny! Oh god, my stomach! It hurts! AHAHA!”

“Shut up! You're gonna get us kicked out.”

Luhan teasingly throws a bunch of napkins, the waitress had given them a few minutes before, at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo normalizes his breathing slowly and attempts to calm down. 

“I actually thought, you thought, I was a stalker.”

Luhan has a child-like pout on his face which only makes Kyungsoo begin to go into another laughing fit, but before that can happen Luhan smacks Kyungsoo on his arm as a warning.

“Don't fucking laugh! It wasn't that funny!”

Kyungsoo clears his throat instead, but still has a wide grin on his face.

“You're mean.”

“You know, surprisingly, this isn't the first time I've been told that.”

Kyungsoo recalls the numerous times he has teased Baekhyun and the countless times the short diva had countered back with the same exact thing Luhan had just said.

“I don't doubt it.”

Luhan mutters under his breath as he picks up the menu and scans the items on the list. On the other hand, a smug smile forms on Kyungsoo's face.

Kyungsoo is glad that he decided to come and eat with Luhan instead of with everyone else. He has a feeling that he wouldn't feel so relaxed with the others, but with Luhan it's different. Kyungsoo thinks that maybe it's because Luhan knows the truth about his feelings and he doesn't have to be hiding them around the blonde. The smaller doesn't have to go around pretending that he is okay when he actually isn't. It's a good feeling. Granted, Kyungsoo does wish that he could feel the same way around Sehun, Baekhyun, Junmyeon, and, yes, even with Jongin. He has known them longer and they're practically like family to him. Kyungsoo just doesn't know how to approach them with the truth, just yet. 

“Do you know what you're going to order or do you need more time?”

An unfamiliar voice breaks through Kyungsoo's thoughts and the smaller looks up to see Luhan eyeing him from across the table and the waitress already standing beside them, waiting to take their order.

“Oh, uhm...I'll just have whatever he's having.”

“Ok. Here's some water to get you started.”

Kyungsoo smiles and hands the menu to the waitress. 

“Thank you.”

He watches as Luhan leans forward and wraps his lips around the transparent straw in his cup and takes a sip of the water. The blonde shifts his eyes up at Kyungsoo and notices the smaller staring at him. He swallows.

“Have a lot on your mind?”

“You could say that.”

“I'm guessing your situation hasn't changed.”

“Your guess would be correct.”

Kyungsoo nods slowly and sighs. Nothing had actually changed. His feelings for Jongin only seemed to grow. Kyungsoo didn't know how to deal with that sudden change in his life and as such always reached out for Luhan to make him forget. Somewhat.

“Why don't you just tell them? Like you did with me.”

“It's hard.”

“You had a panic attack when you told me. I never assumed it would be easy.”

Kyungsoo frowns.

“So, you're telling me that I should go through another panic attack and then tell them?”

Luhan scoffs.

“I didn't mean that.”

“Then what did you mean?”

The blonde leans forward and rests his right elbow on the table, resting his chin on the palm of his hand.

“After you calmed down, you told me everything, truthfully. You weren't holding back. You just said it.”

Kyungsoo looks down at the table as he sinks into the booth. He replies in a low voice.

“That's because I was too tired, from the panic attack, to come up with a lie. I was too tired to do it.”

Luhan reaches over and taps Kyungsoo's chin for the smaller to look up at him.

“Soo, you already were tired, before that happened. Isn't that why you latched onto me at the club and left? Also, you are still tired of lying, even now. Isn't that why you're here with me, now, instead of with your friends?”

Kyungsoo looks at the blonde in confusion. Luhan only smirks.

“What do you mean?”

This time Luhan leans back into his seat.

“You're already tired of lying, Soo. You can't keep lying which is why you're avoiding spending any more time with your friends than is necessary. You can't keep on with the facade anymore.”

Kyungsoo stares at Luhan, not knowing what to say.

“I mean, don't get me wrong. I like you. I think you're cool. It's just...I don't want to see you hurting. I want you to be happy and be able to laugh and have fun with your friends. With the people that you care about. I don't exactly want the reason for you wanting to hang out with me to be because you're hurting all the time, as well.”

Luhan smiles at Kyungsoo and reaches his hand over the table, urging Kyungsoo to do the same. Kyungsoo does place his hand on top of the blonde's and Luhan gives it a reassuring squeeze. 

Kyungsoo thinks Luhan might be right. He doesn't like that Luhan might be right, but what he says makes sense. Kyungsoo looks up to look at Luhan. It also makes sense that Luhan would want Kyungsoo to at least hang out with him, because he genuinely wants to be around him. They had only met a few days ago, but Luhan was always insisting on never wanting to see Kyungsoo sad. Anytime Kyungsoo brought up the topic of his friends or Jongin, Luhan would try to give him advice on how to work things out or sometimes crack jokes to get Kyungsoo to smile. Luhan was always making sure Kyungsoo didn't stay too sad for too long. Kyungsoo had to admit that Luhan was being a really great friend. The wide-eyed boy tightens his grip on Luhan's hand.

“Luhan.”

The blonde looks up at Kyungsoo.

“Yeah?”

“Why are you doing this?”

Now it's Luhan's turn to look confused.

“Why am I doing what?”

“Why are you taking care of me?”

Luhan smirks and looks down at their, now, intertwined fingers. 

“Oh, Soo. Believe it or not, you and I...”

Luhan motions in between him and Kyungsoo with his free hand.

“...have a lot more in common than you think.”

“What are you talking about?”

Luhan tilts his head side to side and then shrugs his shoulders. He marvels at the way Kyungsoo's small hand fits against his own hand. Small and child-like are the words that come to the blonde's mind when he looks at Kyungsoo's hand. Luhan smiles. In the end he stops fidgeting and focuses his attention onto Kyungsoo.

“I had fallen in love with my best friend, once, too.”

Kyungsoo's eyes widen and Luhan looks away as if remembering moments long since passed.

“Yup. It was a long time ago, though. I'm over it, now.”

The blonde looks back at Kyungsoo.

“I know how you're feeling and trust me when I say that being alone with that, isn't any good. I wished many times that I would have someone...anyone, to talk to when it happened to me. Unfortunately, my wish never came true. It was bad. I got really bad.”

Luhan massages small circles, using his thumb, onto Kyungsoo's hand. The blonde's expression darkening just a bit, when he says that last part of his sentence. He stares down at their connecting hands. Luhan's eyes dart back up and a small smile replaces a frown

“When we met and you told me what was going on, it reminded me of my old self. That's why I'm here. I'm not going to hurt you. I don't want you, to hurt, period. That's why, Kyungsoo, I'm staying by your side.”

Kyungsoo is speechless. A million things running through his head and a million things he wants to ask. He doesn't, though. 

The waitress comes by with their order and starts arranging the plates of food on the table. 

Kyungsoo finds himself a bit surprised to feel a small pang of disappointment when Luhan's hand is no longer holding onto his. He doesn't know how to handle the new information he has been given. Something in him, however, tells him that he doesn't have to. Something tells him that the new information was more of an assurance to him that Luhan had good intentions. So, instead of asking any questions or questioning Luhan's motives any further, Kyungsoo settles for the angelic smile Luhan is giving him and for the fact that he isn't alone in this diner or in the new situation life had thrown him into. He is satisfied with having Luhan by his side.

***

 

That night, Kyungsoo goes back home to his, now, empty apartment. He makes his way into the room and turns on the lights that hit the pale tan walls of his apartment just right and brighten up the room. The view to his left gives him a good picture of what occurred while his friends were there and he wasn't. Best friends who have long since gone without a trace, except for their remnants of empty chip bags, discarded soda cans, and a few empty beer bottles scattered here and there across the space of the living room. 

The dark brown, hard wood floors creak under Kyungsoo's weight as he steps around his living room picking up the evidence that his friends were even there in the first place. Kyungsoo looks around to find more 'evidence' in between the dark leather cushions of the sofa. He reaches over to grab the tv remote on the coffee table, just a mere arm's length away from the couch, and points it to the plasma across from the coffee table. Kyungsoo turns the tv off and silences the voice of the anchor woman informing late night tv watchers about the nightly news. 

Garbage in hand, Kyungsoo walks back and heads into the kitchen, through the first entryway to the right of the front door. Hardwood floor ending abruptly at the entrance of the kitchen and transforming into white hard tile. He throws away the empty chip bags and empty cans into the trash. 

Kyungsoo walks out of the kitchen, past the couch in the living, and through the door to the right of the tv that leads into his room. He takes off his shirt, jeans and then plops into his bed facing up at the ceiling, tired from today and the night out with Luhan. He turns onto his side and gazes at the open window next to his bed with the white curtain flowing with the night air. That night, while watching the moonlight filter in through the window, although exhausted beyond belief, Kyungsoo drifts off to sleep, mind racing. He has thoughts about his friends, thoughts about Luhan, and of course, Kim Jongin. Kyungsoo falls asleep with a smile on his face.


	5. My Heart Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was tired of having these one-sided feelings for someone he knows damn well won't return the same feelings. Kyungsoo is tired of putting up a front, but at the same time, doesn't have the courage to come out and admit his true feelings. Kyungsoo thought he was over it. He thought he had succeeded in forgetting Jongin. What a fool Kyungsoo had been to just assume that he could get rid of his love for Jongin in a such a small amount of time.

Kyungsoo loses track of how many days pass. He doesn't keep track of time anymore. It's as if the concept of time had become completely and utterly irrelevant. Kyungsoo had never felt more at peace and in such a good mood, in a very long time. He knows it's probably due to Luhan's presence in his life. The more Kyungsoo got to know the blonde, the more he liked the time he spent around him. 

As for his 'thing' with Jongin, well, Kyungsoo doesn't know how to manage it. It's not like he can say there is anything going on there, because there isn't. Furthermore, because Kyungsoo is extremely set on not actually coming forward and telling Jongin everything, he is painfully aware that there will never be anything between the two. 

The most, Kyungsoo had heard of Jongin, were the few times Chanyeol had mentioned the younger's name, during work. It was inevitable, really. Chanyeol is Kyungsoo's co-worker and Jongin's friend. The younger's name was bound to surface at some point. Oddly enough, however, Kyungsoo didn't mind. From the moment Jongin came back from the states, Kyungsoo did feel a bit awkward and a sense of restlessness would rise at the mere mention of the younger's name, but not anymore. He attributed that to the fact that he really didn't spend time with Jongin anymore and when he did happen to be in the same room as the other, it was always for the shortest amount of time. Kyungsoo always found an excuse to leave early or to actually not have to show up, to whatever it was that his friends had planned to do that day, at all. He was definitely doing a damn good job in cutting Jongin out of his life. 

Kyungsoo could tell that his friends had noticed the amount of time he hadn't been spending with them. Baekhyun even went as far as to confront him about it, one night. His friend had 'broken into'(not really since Baekhyun had the spare key) his apartment and started mouthing off to Kyungsoo about why he hadn't been spending as much time with everyone else as he used. Kyungsoo only looked at Baekhyun with an expression that pretty much said, “Really? You don't know why I'm avoiding you guys?” 

As if Baekhyun didn't already know. Baekhyun knew, of course. He just missed Kyungsoo. He had even gone as far as calling Junmyeon and 'telling on' Kyungsoo. Junmyeon, knowing that something like this would happen, advised Baekhyun to just let the younger, be. Advice which Baekhyun didn't take too kindly.

“He just needs time.”

“But he's my best friend, he should be able to talk to me about these things!”

Junmyeon tried to make Baekhyun understand, but the other just couldn't comprehend why Kyungsoo was leaving him in the dark about how he was dealing with the whole Jongin situation. Out of everyone in their group, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun had known each other the longest and had never really been apart for long, from the first moment that they met. Suffice to say that Baekhyun wasn't handling the sudden separation, all too well.

It wasn't as if Kyungsoo didn't miss everyone either. He did. Kyungsoo didn't want to avoid his friends. He really didn't, but he didn't know any other way. He didn't want to avoid Jongin either, because he still had hope, that he and Jongin could remain friends. Of course, Kyungsoo had long since resigned himself to the fact that maybe they just wouldn't and couldn't be as close as they were before. Not ever. Kyungsoo hated that, but what could he do? He knew that putting space between Jongin and him, would help him in finally getting over his feelings. It had worked before. Kyungsoo just needed to try again. He would, but this time, with a little help from Luhan.

A little help from Luhan meant Kyungsoo having to go through some rather 'creative' ways to pass the time and that would distract him from thinking about Kim Jongin, in the process. Unfortunately, Luhan's latest idea didn't do much in keeping Jongin out of Kyungsoo's mind. To be completely honest, Jongin was all that Kyungsoo thought about, in that moment. Even with Luhan by his side, Kyungsoo could only really see Jongin, with him.

As a result, tonight, Kyungsoo finds himself limping around the kitchen as he tries to move about and cook his dinner; quite starved from the strenuous activities from earlier today. He's sore all over and pain shoots up his leg traveling all the way to his lower back, everytime he takes a step. He curses Luhan, wherever the blonde may be right this moment. Kyungsoo swears that he won't be able to walk straight for the next few days because of what Luhan suggested they do for the day. So, now, Kyungsoo is left with a sore butt, bruises marking the majority of the skin on his hips and thighs, and a heavy heart. 

Kyungsoo probably should've told Luhan that Jongin was a dancer. That way Luhan would have never in a million years suggested that they go and take a dance lesson that day. Maybe, then Kyungsoo wouldn't be sore and achy all over. Having two left feet didn't really help the cause either. It also, didn't help that Luhan loved surprises and had kept the plans for the day a secret from Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo didn't know what was to come until it was too late. He did, however, conclude at the end of it all, that he hated surprises. Suffice to say that, three falls, an embarrasssing face plant, and an almost sprained ankle, later, Kyungsoo had, had enough. Yes, Kyungsoo could dance, but only the typical dancing one does at a club. There, you don't need to know any fancy moves or routines to have a good time. 

Poor Luhan apologized the whole drive to Kyungsoo's apartment to drop the smaller off, but even then, Luhan had a hunch that he'll be apologizing to Kyungsoo for the next two life times, after that disastrous dance lesson. 

Kyungsoo mutters under his breath as he painfully walks out of the kitchen and to the living room. He would much rather sit his fragile aching butt on the soft leather couch than on the wooden chairs in the kitchen, at least for today. 

“'It will be fun!', he said. 'You will love it!', he said. Yeah, tell that to my aching bones, you little blonde fairy!”

Speaking to no one else but himself, the smaller lowers himself down onto the couch ever so slowly, wincing as his clothed behind makes first contact with the leather. He ferociously shakes his head.

“Never again.”

Kyungsoo grabs the fork he set aside next to his plate and twirls it in the middle of the big pile of spaghetti. The fork, holding promises of deliciousness and savory flavors, abruptly stops halfway to Kyungsoo's awaiting mouth. The ringing of the doorbell, announcing the arrival of another human being, being the culprit in preventing Kyungsoo from enjoying his dinner in peace. Kyungsoo groans in pain and in annoyance as he sets the utensil down. Still sitting on the couch, Kyungsoo cranes his neck to take a look at the door. His eyes linger there for a moment, when he doesn't hear the sound of the bell anymore. Kyungsoo sighs in relief at the absence of the ringing and picks up his fork again, only to slam it back down when the bell rings again. The smaller winces because of the extra force and the rapid way he slammed his hand down. His eyes travel back to the front door. He looks down at his lap and decided that, no, it is indeed not worth getting up and walking the four feet to the door. ~I hurt too much.~ Kyungsoo turns his head back to the door; the ringing having gotten increasingly more persistent. 

“BAEK IF THAT'S YOU, JUST WALK IN ALREADY! SINCE WHEN DO YOU EVEN ANNOUNCE YOURSELF BEFORE ENTERING!?”

This time, the person on the other side of the door opts for knocking on the wooden door, doorbell apparently long since forgotten. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. Damn it! He counts to three and pushes himself off of the couch with all the strength he can muster and manages to stand up. He starts limping towards the front door. Well, maybe, more like waddles to the front door. Kyungsoo couldn't really put one foot in front of the other. ~If it's Baek, I'm killing him.~ The knocking gets louder.

“Alright! I'm going! Give me a sec! Geez!”

Kyungsoo reaches the front door and wraps his small hand around the doorknob. He doesn't even bother looking out through the peephole. That would require him stretching up a bit and standing on his tip toes, to be able to see, and like hell was Kyungsoo in any condition to do that. Kyungsoo yanks open the door wide open. His eyes widen as well, right after, when his gaze lands on a tall bronzed male with a red hoodie and dark jeans.

“Hi.”

“Uhm...”

“Can I come in?”

“Uh...what...uhm..sure?”

“Is that a yes?”

Kyungsoo, too dumbfounded to string together any words for coherent sentence, nods and shuffles backwards a bit to make room for Jongin to come in.

“Thanks.”

Blindsided. Kyungsoo was blindsided. He couldn't even feel nervous or awkward like he usually did. He had been caught off guard and his brain was a little slow in catching up to the scene that had started to unfold. Kyungsoo, not knowing what to do or how to react to the fact that Jongin was in his apartment alone with him, starts slowly making his way back to the couch. His body having gone under some kind of autopilot.

“What's wrong with you?”

Jongin had been eyeing Kyungsoo since he had walked in, so he noticed the careful way the smaller had been maneuvering himself. He was trying to see if the older would make some kind of excuse for him to leave or something. For the past few days, Jongin had gotten the impression that Kyungsoo had been trying to avoid him. At least, that's what it seemed like. Jongin really hoped it was just his mind playing tricks on him. 

At Jongin's sudden question, Kyungsoo pauses halfway to the couch and, by some miracle, is able to answer without a stutter.

“Sore as fuck.”

Maybe it's the fact that he's in pain that's making Kyungsoo behave this way. Perhaps, his brain isn't fully concentrated on Jongin, what with his brain impulses sending pain messages all throughout his body, making Kyungsoo not over-react too much in being in the same room as the younger. Kyungsoo doesn't really know. He's just happy that he can keep his mind together with Jongin there. 

Jongin scoffs.

“Sore? From what? From what I remember, you're not exactly the type to voluntarily participate in any kind of physical activity.”

Kyungsoo sticks his tongue out at the younger, like a child, whilst he clutches onto the sofa's side and maneuver's around to the front of it to sit. This is good. I'm not freaking out. 

Jongin laughs at his older friend's childish response.

“If you must know...”

Kyungsoo pauses and groans as he lowers himself onto the couch. Jongin moves and takes a seat to Kyungsoo's right, on the couch.

“I was with Luhan all day. It's his fault I'm all sore.”

Jongin stares at Kyungsoo as the older reaches over for the plate of spaghetti he had set on the table earlier. He was with that blonde all day? And now he's sore? What...oh. Jongin knew that Kyungsoo had been spending more time with Luhan. Sehun had told him. Jongin just didn't think that the blonde and Kyungsoo were already that serious. He swallows as he thinks about Kyungsoo being in that position with Luhan. Jongin's jaw clenches and unclenches as he tries not to think about it and let that idea get to him. He doesn't even really understand why it's bothering him.

The younger's mouth opens and closes as if he wanted to say something but holds back. Jongin gets pensive. Kyungsoo notices as he finally takes in the fork-full of spaghetti into his mouth and moans in satisfaction. 

“What?”

Jongin flinches.

“Huh? What?”

Kyungsoo narrows his eyes at the younger.

“What were you thinking about?”

A reddish hue starts to creep onto the younger's face. 

“N-nothing. Uhm...”

Jongin clears his throat and changes the subject. The tone of his voice and his expression turning more serious.

“I came by to talk to you about something.”

Kyungsoo chokes on his noodles a bit. Fuck. Where is the water?! What could Jongin possibly need to talk to me about, that requires him to get so serious? ~Did someone tell him about me? About my feelings? Holy shit! What do I do?!~ Kyungsoo didn't exactly know why Jongin was there in the first place, but the sudden change in Jongin's tone had him nearing the edge of his sanity. Too bad for Kyungsoo; he was doing so well. Not freaking out and such. 

“Woah! Are you ok? Let me go get you some water.”

Kyungsoo starts coughing to try to clear his throat of the stray noodles he had just tried to inhale. He observes as Jongin makes his way to the kitchen and in less than ten seconds comes back out with a glass of water in hand. Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow as Jongin hands him the cup. How the fuck, did he get the water so fast? He takes a huge gulp to wash down any remaining spaghetti in his throat. He turns to look at Jongin.

“How many times have you been in my apartment?”

Jongin is quiet and doesn't answer.

“Let me rephrase that. How many times has Byun Baekhyun, let you guys into my apartment?”

The younger rubs his neck awkwardly and tries to look anywhere else but at Kyungsoo.

“Maybe like, one or-”

Unfortunately, Jongin makes the decision to look at Kyungsoo straight in the eyes when he answered, and was met with a terrifying death glare.

“OKAY. Maybe I've been here enough times to be extremely familiar with the layout of your living room and your kitchen.”

Now it's Kyungsoo's turn to stare unblinkingly at Jongin.

“I'm. Gonna. Kill. Baekhyun.”

An amused grin forms on Jongin as he visibly relaxes and sinks into the black leather couch. Relief washing over him because it looks like Kyungsoo won't have his head anytime soon.

“Yeah, I'm kind of surprised you haven't already. He's always coming in here when you're not around. Always complaining about why you haven't asked him to move in, with you, already.”

Jongin laughs and the sound the younger makes, is like a sweet melodious tune to Kyungsoo's ears. The sound, makes Kyungsoo disregard the news about Baekhyun having already let himself into his apartment multiple times without him knowing. It suddenly dawns on the older, in exactly what kind of situation he is in. Jongin is here with him in his apartment, alone. His brain, finally having caught up to what's going on. Kyungsoo's heart starts beating just a tad bit faster. Nonetheless, he takes in a deep breath and makes it a mission to get through this moment without a hitch. Kyungsoo decides to behave just like he has always had with Jongin in the past. He will suppress every impulse and every emotion that bubbles up to the surface for his love for Jongin. Even if every fiber of his being tells him to hold out his hand and his heart, for Jongin, he won't. He'll behave like Jongin's best friend because Kyungsoo knows, that he, that Jongin, will never see him as anything more than just a friend.

“Actually, Soo, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Ignoring the sudden racing of his heartbeat, Kyungsoo turns to Jongin with a small smile on his face. Just act like nothing is wrong, Kyungsoo. You will be fine.

“What did you need to talk about?”

Jongin has a sheepish look on his face as he squirms and turns his head around to avoid Kyungsoo's questioning gaze. He rubs the nape of his neck multiple times and licks his lips nervously.

“Uhm, well, you see...”

Kyungsoo looks at Jongin with eyes widening in anticipation and nods his head to urge the younger to speak.

“What? Jongin? Tell me, already!”

The taller of the two, holds in a breath and directs his eyes onto Kyungsoo. 

“I was wondering, since you have an extra room and you don't seem like you want to give it to Baek, if you were looking for a roommate, and if you are, then, would you let me move in?”

Jongin warily eyes the smaller and waits for a response. He doesn't really know what Kyungsoo will say. Granted, if he would've asked this of the older, when they were still in high school, Jongin doesn't doubt for a second that Kyungsoo would've agreed. However, they aren't in high school anymore and Jongin is painfully aware that he had cut off any communication with the man he had deemed as his best friend, for five very long years. Jongin wasn't getting his hopes up for Kyungsoo to agree, he knew what he had done and frankly he didn't know where he and Kyungsoo stood in their friendship; if he could even say he still had a friendship with Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo hadn't even tried to, willingly, reach out to the younger ever since he got back so, Jongin wasn't sure. 

Whilst Jongin was busy hoping for a miracle to happen, Kyungsoo had begun contemplating the reasons the younger would have to move out of his parent's house. He quickly recalls the few conversations he had with Chanyeol about Jongin and remember that the younger didn't exactly have the greatest of relationships with his family. Kyungsoo blinks a few times, the nervousness he had been feeling dissipates and is replaced by concern, before opening his mouth.

“Jongin. Is everything, alright?”

Jongin's lips press together into a firm line. Hesitating before giving Kyungsoo an answer.

“I-”

“If you don't want to tell me it's fine. I don't need to know.”

Noticing the brief hesitation from Jongin, Kyungsoo grabs his plate from the coffee table and starts to get up from his spot on the couch. Not flinching at the screams of pain his body makes because, to him, because nothing hurts more than realizing that his best friend, wasn't acting like his best friend anymore. Kyungsoo thought that he would at least have that, with Jongin. But, it seemed that the younger had to think twice about telling Kyungsoo about his private life, when before, Kyungsoo was always the first to hear about all the good and the bad in Jongin's life. 

Jongin notices what looks like a flash of hurt in Kyungsoo's eyes, as the smaller starts to move away from him. Out of pure instinct or reflex, maybe panic, Jongin doesn't know, but he immediately jumps up from the couch and latches his hand onto Kyungsoo's arm, preventing the older from taking another step away from him.

The older flinches at the contact. Not because of the pain, but because of the unimaginable warmth he felt travel from Jongin's hand, to the rest of his body. 

Jongin lets go, thinking he might've hurt Kyungsoo. He had forgotten the older's body was in pain after the date, he assumes it was a date, he had gone to with Luhan. He grimaces at the reminder. Jongin doesn't have much time to ponder on the things that Kyungsoo and Luhan might have done on their 'outing', because Kyungsoo yanks his arm away from him and starts walking away. Kyungsoo's retreating form, for some reason, bothering him a lot more than whatever ideas Jongin had about Kyungsoo and Luhan.

“Wait! Soo! I'm sorry.”

Kyungsoo is in the kitchen by now and proceeds to drop his used plate in the sink. His minor case of OCD acting up, making him turn on the faucet and clean the dirty plate. Kyungsoo was a bit of a neat freak at times, especially under times of stress. The older was rinsing off the plate, when Jongin walks into the kitchen. Kyungsoo sighs and turns around slowly, the pain in his lower back seemingly starting to get worse. 

“It's fine, Jongin.”

The older knows he should not have reacted the way he did. Especially after all these years. What did he expect? Did he think Jongin would still see him as a best friend? Jongin never even tried contacting Kyungsoo. At one point, it even seemed like Jongin was trying to purposefully push Kyungsoo away. The older remember show Jongin's texts had gone from paragraph long to one sentence long to only a word or two at most. Kyungsoo swallows the lump in his throat at the memory of that incident. 

Jongin opens his mouth to speak, but Kyungsoo cuts him off before he can make a sound.

“As for the whole roommate thing...”

Jongin tenses up and the smaller makes his way to the small dining table and sits on one of the wooden chairs. He makes a mental note to save up for some chair cushions. Kyungsoo doesn't look at Jongin when he tells the younger his answer. 

“You can move in any time.”

Jongin's eyes widen considerably. He hadn't expected that. Not after what just happened. The younger felt sort of guilty for having hesitated in telling Kyungsoo why he was out looking out for a place to stay.

“W-what? A-are you sure? I mean, you aren't mad?”

Kyungsoo scoffs. Of all the things, Jongin thinks the older is mad. If only the younger knew, that anger, was not an emotion Kyungsoo could direct at him.

“I'm sure. And, I'm not mad. Why would I be?”

Jongin takes a seat on one of the wooden chairs across from Kyungsoo.

“Well, when you asked, I didn't exactly tell you, why I need a place to stay. I saw the way you looked when I hesitated.”

Kyungsoo shrugs his shoulders.

“I may have overreacted, a bit.”

Jongin raises an eyebrow at Kyungsoo.

“Jongin. It's fine. If you want to tell me, you will. If not, oh well.”

The older doesn't catch the way Jongin's jaw clenches and unclenches in frustration and annoyance because of the way he tries to look at anything and everything that isn't Kim Jongin. Kyungsoo doesn't notice the pained expression on the younger, as the words he utters, proceed in cutting through Jongin's chest like daggers. 

“But, I want to tell you.”

Taken by surprise, Kyungsoo turns and looks at Jongin for a few seconds.

“Uhm, okay.”

Kyungsoo notices how Jongin's face contorts into a variety of different expressions. The younger seems to be having a difficult time trying to express his feelings into words. Jongin takes a few seconds before his lips part and he speaks.

“It's about my parents.”

Jongin looks down at the surface of the wooden dining table. He takes the older's silence as encouragement to continue.

“They don't think that, me, studying dance, is any good. They think that what I'm doing with my life is a waste of time. They actually have the nerve to tell me that, doing the one thing I love the most in this world, the thing that has kept me sane this whole time, is a complete waste of time.”

Kyungsoo can see the anger and frustration on Jongin's face. The younger couldn't understand why his parents couldn't see what dancing meant to him. They didn't seem willing to even try. The older now understood why Jongin wanted out. 

“So, that's why you weren't getting along with your parents.”

Jongin looks up startled.

“Uh, yeah. Now every time I have a conversation with them, it is always about, why I haven't changed my mind about going to med-school, or why don't I start studying something that actually matters. Uhm, but how did you know I wasn't getting along with my parents?”

Kyungsoo's eyes widen. Crap. The older starts panicking, thinking that Jongin might get mad at him for butting into his private life and knowing stuff he wasn't exactly supposed to know.

“Oh. Uhm, Chanyeol might've mentioned something. It's just you looked so...sad, when you came by to talk to Chanyeol and....”

Kyungsoo stops, not wanting to say anything that might give Jongin the wrong idea. Jongin might figure out the older's feelings and Kyungsoo was nowhere near ready to admit to that. Well, not to Jongin, at least. Jongin, however wasn't satisfied with Kyungsoo, pausing, mid-sentence.

“And? Kyungsoo? 'And', what?”

The older averts his gaze by turning his head away from Jongin and mumbles something sounding very close to, 'forget about it.'

Jongin, on the other hand, with a tightening feeling in his chest, reaches over and cups Kyungsoo's face with one hand. His thumb slowly caressing the smooth white skin of the Kyungsoo's cheek.Jongin can feel the warmth of Kyungsoo's cheeks on the palm of his hand. He makes the older turn and face him. 

Kyungsoo could feel his face turning a shade of red. Him realizing that he was starting to blush only made him blush even more.Kyungsoo had always wanted to know how it would feel like to have Jongin's hand, cup his face, and make him turn and be met by deep comforting chocolate brown eyes. Kyungsoo notices the small smile on Jongin's face. This moment, was something Kyungsoo had only ever dreamt of.....

“You were always a good friend, Soo.”

And for good reason. Kyungsoo bites the inside of his cheek as he tries to hide his disappointment at Jongin's choice of words. His lifts his hand up and firmly removes Jongin's away from his face. Kyungsoo smiles. It's a fake smile. The kind of smile one forces when they're actually having a bad day and are extremely unhappy about it, but don't want others worrying so, they put on a fake smile that let's everyone else know that they're just fine, even when they're actually breaking down on the inside. Kyungsoo glances at the digital lock on the stove. 10:00 pm.He turns back to look at Jongin.

“I'm assuming you want to stay the night, right?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, I was sort of hoping that I could move in tomorrow if that's okay, too.”

Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. Jongin notices and quickly adds,

“And, it won't be for long. I will find somewhere else to stay. I just really needed to get out of my parent's house, quickly. I couldn't handle staying there any more.”

“It's okay, Jongin. You can stay as long as you would like.”

The older soon after, detaches himself, from himself, if that makes any sense. His lips move, forming words and sentences, but Kyungsoo doesn't really hold any meaning or emotion to them. Kyungsoo forgets about the soreness in his body and doesn't even feel the pain as he moves and goes into his room and grabs a pillow and a blanket from his closet. The older only going through the motions of having a conversation with Jongin as the younger starts settling into his soon to be room. Kyungsoo is physically there, but his mind is somewhere else. The older feels numb, almost like he's in a dream. Everything seeming distant. All the words coming from Jongin's mouth sounding as if Jongin were a lot further away than he actually was. At some point, however, Kyungsoo doesn't even here the far away words anymore. He hears nothing and assumes Jongin has just stopped talking. Kyungsoo tells Jongin, 'good night', and walks out the door, not letting the younger have a chance to strike up another conversation. 

He makes his way to his room, locks the door behind him, and falls onto his bed. As he closes his eyes, all the emotions he had pushed down, come flowing back, at full force. The older is pushed back into reality, and he starts to feel every raw emotion he had suppressed from the moment he opened the door to find Jongin standing there. All the joy, frustration, disappointment, and heart break, begins to swallow him, whole. Kyungsoo's burning hot tears glisten in the moonlight as they fall down the curves of his face, to the crevices of his collarbones, until they fall from his body as he turns to lay face down and muffle his sobs. His tears proceed in darkening the white of his pillows and bed sheets. That night, Kyungsoo realizes that the one and only thing hurting, and putting up with the most unbearable pain, wasn't his aching bones or his aching leg muscles, it was his already bruised and broken, heart.


	6. I Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was tired of having these one-sided feelings for someone he knows damn well won't return the same feelings. Kyungsoo is tired of putting up a front, but at the same time, doesn't have the courage to come out and admit his true feelings. Kyungsoo thought he was over it. He thought he had succeeded in forgetting Jongin. What a fool Kyungsoo had been to just assume that he could get rid of his love for Jongin in a such a small amount of time.

Large amounts of steam had accumulated while Jongin showered and relished in standing under a torrent of hot running water. As per his haste, Jongin hadn't brought any spare clothes or any other overnight necessities, to Kyungsoo's place and had to, now, be content with using the older's shampoo and reuse the same clothes he had on, the day prior. Jongin didn't mind the clothes, all that much. He also found that he kind of liked the lavender scented shampoo he was using; it reminded him a lot of Kyungsoo. 

Jongin continues to lather soap on his body, and hurries to get out of the shower and make Kyungsoo breakfast. The younger had woken up before Kyungsoo and decided that making the older breakfast would be a good way to say 'thank you' for letting him move into the spare room. Jongin recalls the events that occurred last night, still quite surprised that Kyungsoo decided to let him move in. If Jongin was being completely honest, he hadn't expected that type of response from the other. He had already been resigning himself to having to sleep on a park bench for the night, if things with Kyungsoo went sour. 

He was definitely aware of the fact that he and Kyungsoo had drifted apart and it didn't exactly help that Jongin hadn't even called his best friend, once, in the last five years. It wasn't like Jongin wanted to distance himself on purpose. Jongin really did miss Kyungsoo, a lot. Jongin did notice that he and Kyungsoo grew apart, just a bit, in the last two years of high school, but after graduation, it wasn't the same. Contrary to high school, where Jongin could and would see Kyungsoo in the halls, after graduation, Jongin had little to no contact with the older. Contact with each other had gotten even worse, than when they were in high school. Yes, there were the spontaneous text message that the older would send and, yes, there were the occasional skype calls and such, but for some reason or another, Jongin just stopped talking to Kyungsoo. 

Jongin bites the inside of his cheek and winces as he recalls the numerous times Kyungsoo had texted him and asked about his well being and, after reading them, he would just hover and press down on the delete button and erase any and all messages. He likes to tell himself that there wasn't any significant reason he put a pause on his friendship with Kyungsoo. Jongin would love to convince himself of that, but then, he would be lying. 

Jongin doesn't know when it happened exactly, but some time, a little after he had just arrived in the states and moved into his dream school to study dance, the image of a shorter male with smooth milky white skin, just wouldn't leave his mind. The younger found himself missing the older's smile, his laughter, and those big brown eyes that had the tendency to get even bigger any time Kyungsoo was startled or surprised. Jongin really missed Kyungsoo. He tried to attribute his longing to see the older for him just really missing his best friend. For missing someone he deemed more of a brother than anything. Someone that practically knew everything about him, because they were just that close. Jongin wrote it off as just a deep emotional connection he had made with Kyungsoo over the long span of their friendship. However, these feelings that had begun to stir within Jongin, weren't enough of a reason for the younger to come to the decision to put distance between himself and Kyungsoo. No. The real reason came in a much simpler form.

Halfway into the younger's first year living in the states, if Sehun hadn't made a certain comment, Jongin would've most likely kept speaking to Kyungsoo and disregarding the monumental emptiness he felt at not having the older around anymore. Jongin had kept in close contact with Sehun and Chanyeol, but since he knew Kyungsoo and his blonde best friend had gotten closer, Jongin began to call Sehun a lot more and ask about how Kyungsoo was doing. The younger asked about Kyungsoo quite frequently and the tall blonde was bound to think something was up. Hence, Sehun made a comment that went somewhere along the lines of Jongin, maybe, having a possible crush on the older. Of course, Sehun meant it as a joke, Jongin didn't know why his friend would say something like that under any other context. Nonetheless, that comment seemed to shake Jongin, to his core. He started overthinking everything and started considering the gravity of what Sehun had said. However, when Jongin started to realize that maybe, just maybe, what Sehun had said, held some truth. The younger fell into a state of shock, or denial. Jongin would never admit to the latter. There couldn't be denial. Jongin didn't like Kyungsoo like that. No way. Right? The younger couldn't fathom how he could associate his feelings for Kyungsoo as anything more than the love designated for a brother.

He blatantly ignored the older's attempts at communication. Jongin didn't even consider how all of that would affect the tiny man. Then again, Jongin was still having quite a hard time forgetting Kyungsoo and was lost in his own little downward spiral. Oblivious to anyone's feelings but his own. Kyungsoo had been his friend, his brother, and Jongin would be damned, if he would let the new revelation of his feelings, ruin that. After all, how could Jongin expect these feelings to be mutual? Kyungsoo had been like an older brother to him and still acted like one. Always checking to see if Jongin was okay, or if he needed anything. Jongin didn't want to ruin that. It did seem counter intuitive, that by ignoring Kyungsoo, Jongin would in a sense destroy the friendship he had with the older, but the younger figured that he could fix it afterwards. Jongin knew that Kyungsoo's world didn't revolve around him. Kyungsoo had other friends, other family. The younger didn't think of himself as being a huge priority to the older. 

Suffice to say that Jongin, cut off contact with Kyungsoo all together and didn't look back. He got a girlfriend and more after the first. Both men and women. Jongin didn't care. He spent more time in the dance studio. Practicing until his muscles ached and he couldn't move anymore. Jongin practiced until he couldn't stay awake during the night and think of a certain heart-shaped smile, he missed dearly. 

For all Jongin knew, five years was long enough and he had finally made his decision to come back home. The inner turmoil, about Kyungsoo during his first year, completely forgotten, sort of, not really, but Jongin thought he was over it. Enough to go back to Korea and try to fix and salvage whatever was left of his friendship with the older. 

Now, before anyone starts to think that the whole 'moving in with Kyungsoo' situation was just Jongin's idea of trying to get closer to the older, it wasn't. Jongin was really having problems with his parents and he couldn't take living under their roof, one more second. He really loves dancing and his dream is to open a dance studio of his own and teach others about dance. He wants to share his love for this type of expressive art and keep on doing it for the rest of his life. Jongin was never one for performing in front of an audience. Yes, he would do it, when the occasion called for it, but it wasn't something that caught his attention. He didn't want dancing to become something that would bring him more pressure or stress. Jongin danced because it felt good and his mind would wander and wander until it got lost and all Jongin could think about, was nothing. His mind would go blank and for a brief moment, Jongin entered an amazing unimaginable moment of peace. When Jongin danced his mind wasn't occupied with the pressure of trying to figure out how to deal with his inner demons or of how to deal with parents that weren't as supportive for his dream as he would like them to be.

Jongin steps out of the shower and messily attempts to dry his hair. He proceeds by wrapping the white towel around his waist, collecting his already worn clothes in one hand and makes his way out of the bathroom. It had gotten way too stuffy and humid in the bathroom for his liking. So, he was going to go change in his 'soon-to-be' room. He's about a third of the way to the room when he hears a noise coming from the kitchen to his left. Still too early for the sun to have come up and pour its rays through the sole window in Kyungsoo's living room, Jongin can see a subtle light emanating from the kitchen. Barefoot, hair still wet, and water still dripping down his toned bare back and chest, Jongin makes his way to the room and stands in the doorway. He sees the familiar outline of Kyungsoo's back as the smaller bends over and takes a pan out of the stove's oven. Jongin takes in the ridiculously tight black skinny jeans that Kyungsoo is wearing, not quite remembering when the older opted for tight clothing. From what he can recall, Kyungsoo was never one to keep up with society's current fashion. Jongin notices the way Kyungsoo's fair skin stands out in stark contrast to the navy blue pull-over sweater. The smaller's hair is combed down, fringe hanging over wide eyes, rather than combed back and away from his face. Different from the times Jongin had seen. He liked this look better. It was familiar. Not the way he had seen Kyungsoo at the club, the first few times. It was weird to see Kyungsoo so changed, so different.

Suddenly, alerted to someone else's presence in the kitchen, Kyungsoo turns his head towards the doorway. Jongin notices the way the older's eyes widen, just a tad, as they eye him up and down,.

“Oh, hey, Jongin. Morning.”

The younger thinks he sees Kyungsoo's cheeks flush red as the smaller turns around and empties the contents of, whatever is in the pan, onto a plate. Jongin catches the scent of coffee already brewing and wrinkles his nose.

“Did you already make breakfast? It's still so early.”

Still not facing Jongin, Kyungsoo answers, presumably busy with whatever he just took out of the oven. 

“Uh, yeah. I have to go in to work at 7 so I woke up a little earlier to make something.”

Kyungsoo turns around with a plate in hand and Jongin's stomach growls in appreciation for the food.

“You made muffins!”

Jongin reaches over for one and takes a huge bite out of it.The younger moans at how delicious the muffin is.

“They're blueberry! Soo, you always make the best food.”

The younger grins at Kyungsoo.

“Yeah, well, thanks. Also, don't be fooled by the smell of coffee. There's tea in the kettle pot on the stove.”

Kyungsoo manages a small smile. Jongin, although grateful that Kyungsoo made tea just for him because he just can't stand the bitter taste of the black liquid, doesn't quite fall for the smile the older is giving him.

“Thanks, but hey, are you ok?”

“Yeah. Just a bit tired.”

It is now, when Kyungsoo is a mere arm's length away, that Jongin notices the dark circles under the older's eyes and the faded redness around the older's irises.  
Squirming under Jongin's scrutinizing gaze, Kyungsoo grips the plate of muffins tighter and walks to the table.

“I'm gonna set these, down, here.”

The older turns and narrows his eyes at the younger.

“Don't eat them all, you'll get a stomach ache.”

Kyungsoo starts making his way out to the living room leaving a laughing , amused, and naked Jongin, in the kitchen. 

“Aha! Don't worry, Soo. I'll save you one. I know they're your favorite!”

The smaller freezes. He takes a step back into the kitchen and stares at Jongin.

“What?”

“What?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head.

“Just now. What did you say?”

“About what?”

Kyungsoo had forgotten how dense Jongin could be.

“About the muffins, Jongin.”

“Oh, that. That I would save you, one.”

“Why?”

Jongin cocks an eyebrow.

“Uhmm, because they're your favorite. Soo, are you sure you're okay?”

This time, Kyungsoo doesn't force a smile. He doesn't have to, because Jongin knew. Even it was something as small as knowing that the older liked muffins, to Kyungsoo, it meant that Jongin had paid attention. Jongin hadn't taken their friendship lightly and that made Kyungsoo very happy. Kyungsoo nods and gives Jongin his signature heart-shaped smile and walks away in a much better mood than he was just a few moments ago. 

Jongin doesn't say anything else either, because he can tell when Kyungsoo's smile is genuine and when it's not. The younger is elated to know that there are still some things about Kyungsoo that hadn't changed. Jongin is happy to know that there are still some things only he knows about Kyungsoo.

“Bye, Jongin! See you later!”

Jongin hears the front door close as Kyungsoo makes his way out. He sits down on one of the wooden chairs and gazes at the blueberry muffins. A warm and loving smile forms on his face. I really missed you, Soo.

***

To: Jongin  
From: Me  
Just come by the apartment any time after 4pm. I'll be there. You can bring all your stuff, then.

Kyungsoo presses the send button and puts his phone inside the back pocket of his jeans. A heavy sigh escapes the smaller's lips as he forces himself to finish wiping down the front counter. 

“Hey, Boss. Are you ok?”

Chanyeol comes out from the back kitchen and stands next to Kyungsoo. He takes notice of the dark circles, present once again, under Kyungsoo's eyes and of the subtle way the smaller's shoulders seem to sag, in a tired sort of way.

“I'm fine. Life's just a fuckin carnival of fun and joy. Why wouldn't I be fine?”

The taller only widens his eyes in surprise at Kyungsoo's outburst and figures that, right now, it probably isn't a good idea to mess with the smaller. He raises his hands, as if surrendering, and backs away from Kyungsoo slowly.

“Okaaaay. You know what? I'm just going to go do the inventory count, now. So, yeah. Uhm, yeah, okay.”

Kyungsoo watches, from the corner of his eye, as Chanyeol scurries his way back into the kitchen. Once again, Kyungsoo lets out a sigh. The moment the words he spoke, left his mouth, Kyungsoo immediately felt that familiar pang of guilt forming in the pit of his stomach. He hadn't meant to snap at Chanyeol. Kyungsoo didn't have anything against his co-worker. It was just that, if he heard someone ask him, one more time, if he was ok, he was ready to fight someone. Kyungsoo had been asked that question, a little too much, these days and frankly, he had just about had it. He could very well say 'yes', but that would require Kyungsoo to pretend like whatever was going on with his feelings for Jongin, was totally under control. Which it wasn't. Kyungsoo could say 'no', but then that would require him to further elaborate on the 'why', and that's not something he is willingingly ready to do. The fact that he saw Jongin half naked with just a towel this morning, didn't do anything to help his already fragile mind and heart. He did get a little happy when Jongin remembered his like for muffins, but that one moment was outweighed when the older remembered the numerous times Jongin had acted like a douche and ignored his calls. Kyungsoo groans as he leans on the front counter, vaguely registering the sound of the bell ringing from the front doors of the cafe. 

“Well, don't you look like the happiest employee in the world.”

A small hand starts stroking and patting Kyungsoo's hair. 

“Aww~ Is little Kyunggie having a bad day~”

Kyungsoo swats the hand away from his head and narrows his eyes.

“Baek, I am soooo NOT in the mood.”

“Oh, C'mon! I'm just trying to be nice here. What am I supposed to do when I see my best friend all sprawled out on the counter like his life is over and his groans of frustration can be heard from outside the door?”

Baekhyun crosses his arms over his chest, concern written all over his face. Kyungsoo, on the other hand only stares at Baekhyun with a blank expression and replies in a very serious manner.

“You could let him wither and drown in his self pity.”

Baekhyun blinks a couple of times.

“Soo, that is sooo not funny.”

“Ugh, I know.”

Kyungsoo groans and rubs his face furiously before leaning over the counter and placing his chin over his palms.

“You want to know what is funny?”

Now it's Baekhyun's turn to narrow his eyes.

“What?”

“Your face.”

“Soo, have I ever told you how much I hate you?”

Kyungsoo laughs and makes his way around the counter and walks towards Baekhyun. 

“You don't hate me. You love me~”

The younger gets even closer to his friend making Baekhyun start squirming away when he notices that the smaller is trying to grasp at him and pull him in for a hug.

“Soo, get away from me! Stop making kissy faces! I am your hyung! Show some respect! Are you drunk?! Stop-”

“Got it.”

Having what he wanted from the beginning, Kyungsoo stops reaching for Baekhyun and starts walking away. Kyungsoo opens up the wallet in his hands, discreetly, and starts sifting through its contents. He hears the door from the kitchen opening and looks up to find Chanyeol.

“Hey,Boss! I'm do-”

“Oh, hey! It's Channie!”

Chanyeol stops in his tracks and tilts his head to the source of the new voice and presence in the cafe.

“B-Baekhyun?”

“Yeah! Hey how've you been? I didn't know you worked here with Kyungsoo. I haven't seen you since we graduated.”

Kyungsoo looks between his co-worker and his best friend.He takes in, the way Chanyeol's eyes widen and the way he starts shifting his weight from one foot to another. Kyungsoo didn't realize that Baekhyun and Chanyeol knew each other, but seeing the way Chanyeol's face lightened up in recognition and something not far from happiness, made it perfectly clear that there seemed to be some sort of history there. However, Chanyeol's fidgeting and sweating had Kyungsoo worried that maybe the taller wasn't feeling all too well, but just as Kyungsoo was about to, ironically, ask if the taller was alright, the red hue of a deep blush starts crawling its way up Chanyeol's cheeks, giving away the real reason for the nervousness. Kyungsoo's gaze shifts between Chanyeol and Baekhyun and an amused smirk grows on his face as his best friend is none the wiser to the effect he is having on Chanyeol. 

“You should come hang out with us, sometime. I'd really like to catch up.”

“Uh, yeah, maybe. Hey, Boss?”

Getting snapped out of his daze, the smaller's head shoots up,quickly, getting a small dose of whiplash in the process.

“Yeah, what's up?”

“I'm gonna go do the inventory, now. I don't want to fall behind on my work.”

Kyungsoo stares at Chanyeol questioningly.

“But, didn't you already do that?”

“NO!”

Chanyeol glances momentarily at Baekhyun, who is just staring at the taller with an innocent smile on his face, not at all fazed by the sudden loud outburst. The giant scratches the back of his neck awkwardly and clears his throat. He pointedly looks at Kyungsoo straight in the eyes.

“I mean, no, I have not done the inventory count, yet. I should go do that now.”

Chanyeol looks at Kyungsoo with pleading eyes. Kyungsoo, already feeling bad about snapping at Chanyeol earlier, sympathizes with the taller and nods. The inventory could always be double checked, anyway. Chanyeol had barely crossed the threshold between the front of the cafe and the kitchen, when Baekhyun had already started hounding Kyungsoo with questions about why he hadn't said anything about Chanyeol working there. Kyungsoo, promptly, proceeds in placing his hand over Baekhyun's face and shoving him away from his personal space.

“Ok, first of all, if you hadn't noticed, we're in a public place, so please control your erratic, hormonal, self. Second of all, why would I have to tell you anything about Chanyeol? I didn't even know you knew him.”

“Well, first, Soo, you started it. When you decided to get all grabby hands with me and started making all those kissy faces. Besides, there is nobody here!-”

“It's a slow day!”

“Whatever! Secondly, this is Chanyeol, we're talking about! He's the guy I had a crush for like forever back in high school!”

The only thing Baekhyun receives from this sudden proclamation is a couple of blinking eyes and an agape mouth.

“Uuuhhhh, what?! How the hell was I supposed to know that?!”

“Soo, it was obvious.”

“No, no it wasn't. Every time you would start talking about your 'crush' you would get in a trance like state and start mumbling gibberish about how cute-”

“and perfect and tall and dreamy. Oh did I mention he is really handsome too~”

“Yeah. Exactly like that. Never, not even once, did you ever mention his name.”

The older snaps out of his daze momentarily and rolls his eyes at Kyungsoo.

“Yeah, yeah, alright. BUT, now that you know, you can help me get with him.”

Baekhyun beams a smile that could almost rival that of Chanyeol's wide grin. The grin that used to creep out Kyungsoo, the first time he and the taller met.. That thought only serves to send a chill down Kyungsoo's spine. 

“Sure, whatever. Here's your wallet, by the way.”

“Yay! Thank you! I knew you were my best friend for a reason. Wait, what?”

Baekhyun's smile falters as he registers the last few words his friend had said. He starts to feel the insides of his jacket pockets, his jean's pockets, and any other parts of his body where he could've put his wallet. Nothing. Baekhyun finds nothing. He looks up at Kyungsoo and his eyes travel from the wide-eyed boy's face down to the boy's extended arm. There, in the firm hold of Kyungsoo's fingers, is Baekhyun's wallet. 

“What!? How the hell?”

Kyungsoo lifts his other hand and in between his middle and index fingers, something metal catches the light and reflects it.

“I needed the spare key to my apartment.”

Kyungsoo watches as Baekhyun's eyes widen in alarm.

“Oh my gosh! Soo, I am so sorry for whatever it is that I have done to deserve this! Please don't kick me out of your life! Please don't -”

“Baek, relax. I'm not kicking you out of my life. Geez! Why are you so dramatic?”

Tears having already started to form in Baekhyun's eyes, the older wipes at them and starts pouting.

“Then, why did you take the key, back? How am I suppose to get it now? You hate me being in there don't you?”

Kyungsoo licks his lips and swallows. He knows he is going to get a lot of shit from what he is about to say next, but it isn't like he can keep this hidden for long. People are bound to find out. 

“It's not that, Baek. It's just...I found... I have a new roommate.”

Baekhyun's back straightens at the sound of those words. Any traces of tears now long gone. His hurt and sad expression, replaced with a look of pure indignation.

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah. Uhm, I need to give the key-”

“ROOMMATE? I asked you so many times to let ME move in and you decide to let a complete stranger-”

“He isn't-”

“...into your house?! How could you that? We're friends! Why couldn't-”

“Baek-”

“Don't 'Baek' me! Why, how, what, even are you thinking? Who is this person anyway?”

This might come off as a bit of a cliché, but if looks could kill, Kyungsoo would be six feet under already. Baekhyun's stare seems to bore holes into the smaller's face and the impatient tapping of a foot, waiting for an answer, has Kyungsoo feeling anxious.

“Uhm...kiuhnjogn”

Kyungsoo looks downs at his shoes and mumbles Jongin's name very softly. So much so, that Baekhyun has a little bit of trouble understanding what the smaller has just said.

“I'm sorry. What was that?”

Kyungsoo pulls his head up and looks at Baekhyun square in the eyes. He gathers up all his courage and takes a deep breath. 

“Kim Jongin. Jongin is my new roommate.”

Baekhyun's eyes widen and his mouth opens and closes. Obviously, wanting to say something, but stopping to collect his thoughts. He opens his mouth again to give Kyungsoo a piece of his mind but the younger beats him to it.

“Before you say anything, Baek. Yes, I already know I am crazy. Psychotic, even. Perhaps a bit of a masochist, too. Yes, I know letting Jongin into my apartment, like this, is the worst idea out of all the worst ideas.”

A look of hurt flashes in Kyungsoo's eyes as he recite the next few words. Words that have already been running through his head from the moment he gave Jongin the 'okay' to move in. Words that, unfortunately, no matter how much he wishes, will never change to mean anything else, but what he already knows. 

“Yes, I know that letting Jongin into my life, like this, isn't going to help me move on. I know that he probably will never love me, the way I love him...”

Kyungsoo looks down and swallows the lump beginning to form at the back of his throat and blinks rapidly, fighting back tears, threatening to spill. He doesn't want to cry. Kyungsoo is done crying. At this point, the smaller feels as though so much time was wasted on a stupid and idiotic illusion of hope, that Jongin would one day wake up and return his feelings. He's done with that. He's done being weak. Kyungsoo glances up at Baekhyun, who can only look on at his friend in sympathy. The smaller manages a weak smile.

“...the way I loved him. It's time I stop avoiding him. Like they say, if you want to overcome your fears, it's best to face them head on, right?”

Baekhyun lets out a sigh and places a hand on his friend's shoulder.

“Are you sure about this?”

Kyungsoo shrugs his shoulders.

“No, but what else can I do?”

Baekhyun bites his lip and nods.

“Alright. You do know I'm here for you, if you ever need anything, right?”

Kyungsoo nods. BBBZZZZ. BBBZZZZ. The smaller reaches for his phone in the back pocket of his jeans. He has two messages. Kyungsoo sighs.

“Who is it, Soo?”

Kyungsoo looks down at his phone, thoughtfully.

“Well, it depends. Are you doing anything today from 4pm and later?”

Baekhyun shakes his head.

“Okay, then. Here. Give this to Jongin when you see him.”

Kyungsoo gives back the key he had taken from Baekhyun's wallet and places it in the older's hand. Baekhyun is confused.

“Wait. Weren't you going to give it to him later, today?”

“I was.”

“Well, are you going somewhere?”

“Yes.”

“Okay? Can you please stop being so vague?”

Kyungsoo smirks.

“I could.”

“I will ring your neck, Kyungsoo.”

This cause Kyungsoo to laugh. He looks back down at his phone and erases one of the two messages. He clicks on the one he saved and shows it to Baekhyun.

To: Me  
From: Luhan  
Hey Soo, I was wondering, if you weren't busy today, could we maybe go and get some ice-cream? I know this really cute ice cream parlor, I think you would like :)

Kyungsoo pulls the phone back and looks at very bewildered Baekhyun. He grabs his keys from under the counter and walks to the front doors. 

“Yeah, I have plans.”

He glances towards the kitchen door.

“HEY! CHANYEOL! LOCK UP, AFTER YOU'RE DONE! I HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE.”

“YOU GOT IT, BOSS”

“THANK YOU.”

Baekhyun blinks a few times and opens his mouth.

“Wait, you're going out with him? The guy from the club?”

The smaller only shrugs and smiles.

“He invited me for ice-cream. I'm not going to turn down free ice-cream, Baek.”

Kyungsoo replies so matter of factly. Baekhyun is just about to say something else, but Kyungsoo is already out the door, waving goodbye, before he can even give his friend a chance to say anything. A good distance away from the cafe, already approaching the bus stop, Kyungsoo takes out his phone and starts texting.

To: Luhan  
From: Me

Sure! I'd love some ice-cream xP Where do you want to meet up?


	7. What If...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was tired of having these one-sided feelings for someone he knows damn well won't return the same feelings. Kyungsoo is tired of putting up a front, but at the same time, doesn't have the courage to come out and admit his true feelings. Kyungsoo thought he was over it. He thought he had succeeded in forgetting Jongin. What a fool Kyungsoo had been to just assume that he could get rid of his love for Jongin in a such a small amount of time.

It's a cold and windy night and most, if not all, of the people in the city are already snuggled up warmly in their beds and sound asleep. Most, if not all, but all except one. A very drunk and stumbling Kyungsoo, whom, at the moment, seems to be having quite a difficult time opening the door to his apartment. He manages to turn the key, the right way, and enters the dark and quiet room. Slipping off his shoes, Kyungsoo, trips on his own two feet and falls with a loud thump onto the wooden floor. Through his drunken haze, somehow, he vaguely remembers that he isn't the only one who lives in that apartment anymore. The throbbing in his head only manages to get worse, once he recalls who the other roommate is. He groans and tries to find his balance to get up off of the floor. Kyungsoo attempts to tip toe carefully and quietly make his way across the hard wood floor, all the way to his room. The last thing he wanted, right this moment, was to end up waking Jongin. He isn't particularly 'up' for dealing with that drama, right now. Kyungsoo curses the creaking of the wood under the weight of his steps as he tries to make it to his room as quietly as possible. Finally, in front of his door, he turns the doorknob ever so slowly and succeeds in entering his room. He makes sure to softly close the door behind him as he enters the empty darkness.  
***  
In the next room, however, Jongin shifts around in his bed and slowly opens his eyes when he hears the sound of someone walking around in the living room. He furrows his brow and rubs his face as he sits up straight in bed; blanket falling off of his bare chest. Jongin blinks several times; eyes trying to adjust to the darkness around him. He can faintly make out the outline of his door and hears more shuffling coming from the other side, followed by loud thump and a few moments later, the soft click of a door opening and closing. Jongin sighs and lies back down, hands behind his head, as he stares up at the dark ceiling. Would this be the ninth? Or the tenth? How many nights has it been already? Good lord, I already lost track. Frustrated, Jongin pulls the blanket over his head. 

This wasn't the first time Kyungsoo had come home late...and drunk. The older had been doing that a lot lately. The first week that Jongin had moved in, Kyungsoo was still around. Granted that the majority of the time, Kyungsoo was working and the only times Jongin ever saw him, were when the older would come back home later in the evening. Apparently, at that point in time, Kyungsoo had taken extra shifts at the cafe and wasn't or couldn't hang out with the group as much. Jongin understood that much. But, now, the younger was getting increasingly concerned with Kyungsoo's new habit of staying out late, because he knew that the older had to wake up early in the mornings; before the sun was even up, to go to work. Jongin didn't think that Kyungsoo could last much longer. At the rate that the older was going, Jongin was sure that Kyungsoo would collapse from exhaustion sooner or later. The human body could only tolerate functioning on the minimal amount of sleep required, for only so long. Jongin knew that, from personal experience from all the nights he worked himself to the bone in dance practice until his body could no longer move, when he was at school. Kyungsoo had to take a break sometime. Jongin groans in frustration because he could only come up with one reason as to why Kyungsoo was behaving this way. Luhan.

Jongin could only blame all of this on Luhan. Why else would Kyungsoo be acting this way? Stupid Luhan. At the mere thought of that blonde, Jongin yanks the blanket off of himself and flails around in bed. Arms and legs thrashing around in annoyance. As much as it pains him, Jongin tries to convince himself that the extreme dislike he feels towards the blonde, is only due to the fact that Kyungsoo was now doing things, not necessarily good things, that the older would never had done in the past. The younger doesn't want to associate his dislike for anything other than him just being concerned over Kyungsoo's well being. It wasn't because he was frustrated that, ever since he had moved in, Jongin had only ever seen Kyungsoo maybe once or twice a day. Only once or twice in the twenty-four hours or 1440 minutes or 86400, that the day allowed. All because Kyungsoo had spent any, if all, of the time, he had off of work, with Luhan. No, it definitely wasn't because of that. Jongin didn't like Kyungsoo as anything more than a brother. No way. The older's relationship with Luhan shouldn't bother Jongin. Especially, when he and Kyungsoo weren't together or anything. It definitely wasn't any of Jongin's business whether Kyungsoo spent time with Luhan or not. Jongin was just a friend and now, currently, the roommate. Nothing else. ~Right, because getting annoyed at the fact that Kyungsoo and Luhan had been spending A LOT of time together, ALONE, doesn't bother you in the slightest. Hmmm...what ever could those two be doing, ALONE?~ Jongin rubs his face furiously and groans. He hated it when his conscience kicked in.  
***  
Kyungsoo squints his eyes as the sun's rays, from the outside, intruding through a small space in between the window curtains. He turns over onto his side; the light causing an unnecessary pang of discomfort in the pack of his eyes. Kyungsoo mentally thanks the heavenly gods that today is Saturday and he doesn't have to go to work. He makes a mental note to thank his Boss for giving him the weekends off. All Kyungsoo had to worry about today was finding a way to take care of the throbbing headache he had woken up with. He figures he went a bit overload last night at the club. He probably should have stopped at his fourth mixed drink...maybe should have called it quits after the seventh shot of vodka too. Or was it whiskey? Both? Kyungsoo can't recall. It's a miracle he even made it home. Then again, Luhan was with him and Kyungsoo knew that the blonde would never do something to hurt him. He felt an odd sense of comfort whenever he was with Luhan.

Kyungsoo sits on the edge of his bed, still wearing the same clothes from last night, and cradles his head in his hands. He can still smell the potent, lingering smell of alcohol on his clothes. He pulls at his clothes a bit and notices the distinct faded spot of a dried spill on his shirt. He doesn't quite remember when he dropped a drink on himself, though. Was it even him who spilled it? He closes his eyes because the world seemed to be spinning just a bit too fast for his liking. He vaguely registers the knocking coming from the door leading to his room. Kyungsoo swallows hard when hears Jongin's voice asking if he could come in. The older makes a noise, sounding more akin to a growl and a grunt combined, than a sound of acknowledgment and approval. He lets the younger enter; too tired and, frankly, feeling too sick to argue with Jongin about why he doesn't want him in his room.

Jongin walks in holding a mug of hot tea in one hand and two aspirins in the other. He thought that Kyungsoo would probably need some help today considering he heard a loud thump when the older was walking in. Jongin figured Kyungsoo had gotten wasted to the point that the older could barely stand and walk straight. He just knew that the older would wake up with a killer headache. Jongin is proven right when he enters Kyungsoo's room and sees the smaller sitting on the edge of the bed, still wearing, what the younger assumes to be, the same clothes from last night. Leather jacket, white v-neck and grey skinny jeans. He watches the way Kyungsoo cradles his head in his small hands. The younger shakes his head. Jongin kind of thinks the older deserves this for being stupid and reckless and going out too many nights in a row. He doesn't say anything. He can only think it. Serves you right. Who fucking tells you that getting wasted every night is such a good idea? Jongin steps forward and walks to take a seat next to Kyungsoo on the bed. Once seated, the younger tries handing the two aspirins in his hand to Kyungsoo. 

“Hyung, take them. You have to drink them. You'll feel better afterwards.”

“Hnnngggg”

Kyungsoo groans and shifts away from Jongin's outstretched hand; trying to avoid all physical contact at any cost. Jongin sighs and rolls his eyes at Kyungsoo's defiance to take the damn aspirins. Well, at least, Jongin thinks that Kyungsoo is just being stubborn, but, in reality, the older just really doesn't want to be coddled by Jongin. Kyungsoo really doesn't need Jongin taking care of him. He doesn't want Jongin near him if it isn't necessary.

“Look, Hyung, you're going to feel like shit for the rest of the day if you don't take these.”

The younger tries one more time and shifts closer to the older and tries to get the pills into Kyungsoo's hands. When the older doesn't listen and moves away from Jongin again, something in the younger snaps. All Jongin was trying to do was help, but Kyungsoo was being unreasonable and extremely stubborn. 

“Fine! You don't want to take them, FINE!”

Jongin gets up from the bed, looks around and finds a desk. He sets the mug of tea and aspirins onto the table, making sure he slams them down hard enough to make the older flinch. Jongin turns and opens his mouth to speak. He doesn't expect for the following words to come out of his mouth, but at this point Jongin is just too annoyed at Kyungsoo, to give a damn. It's been weeks now, that Kyungsoo has been pulling this kind of shit and Jongin is pretty freaking tired of having to watch someone he cares about, spiral down into a drunken abyss. 

“Forgive me, for trying to help you nurse a hangover. Maybe next time you should think twice before going out several nights in a row and getting hammered every single time! What are you even thinking?”

Kyungsoo watches as Jongin paces back and forth in front of him. He finally takes notice that Jongin isn't in his pajamas, but instead in jeans and a simple white v-neck. The older only gets even dizzier as the younger paces. He really isn't up for having this argument with Jongin, this early in the morning. He takes a peek at his digital clock next to his bed and notices that it's already almost 1 pm. Oh. Kyungsoo groans. He knows that he has been going out way too often to be healthy, but he just can't help it. He can't stomach the idea of spending all his spare time with Jongin, every day. So, he opts to go out with Luhan. It also, wasn't like they always went out, specifically to get shit faced drunk off of their asses, but it just somehow always ended up with Kyungsoo suggesting to buy the first drink. Kyungsoo grips the sheets at the edge of his bed and closes his eyes. He tries to tune out the sound of an angry Jongin yelling at him. He fails.

“Oh and shouldn't Luhan be there for you and tell you when you have had enough? I mean, he is who you go out with, right? Shouldn't he be taking some kind of responsibility? If you ask me, he probably isn't someone you should be hanging out with. He's the reason you're going out all the time in the first place! He's the reason you're always getting drunk off your ass, lately! Isn't he-”

Who knows if it was the loud yelling, that only made Kyungsoo's headache worse, or just the simple fact that the older thought it wasn't any of Jongin's business whether he went out several nights in a row, with or without Luhan, but Kyungsoo definitely did not appreciate Jongin's attempts at trying to scold him. He rises abruptly from where he was sitting and startles Jongin into silence. Jongin can only look at his hyung with wide eyes. The older's sudden movement completely taking him by surprise. The younger could see anger written all over Kyungsoo's face and for a split moment, Jongin considers that maybe he may have crossed a line when he decided to yell at the older. When Kyungsoo doesn't say anything, Jongin takes it upon himself to ask if the older was alright.

“Hyung? Are you okay?”

Jongin steps forward and Kyungsoo takes a step backwards at the same time. Kyungsoo looks at the younger, completely baffled at this side of Jongin he was witnessing. Who did Jongin think he was? His mom? His dad? After five years, of no communication whatsoever, he thinks he still has a say in the way Kyungsoo should live his life? All the past frustration, anger, and hurt, that Kyungsoo had pent up for the past several years was bubbling up to the surface and threatening to spill out. All those times that Jongin had ignored him, seemed incredibly fresh in his mind, now. Kyungsoo could remember them, as if they only happened yesterday. ~So, NOW, you want to talk to me? NOW, you want to know what's going on with me?!~ Suffice to say, that no matter how hard Kyungsoo tried to bite his tongue and refrain from yelling back at Jongin, the older just couldn't hold back. 

“No one asked you to take care of me! What's it to you anyway, what I do on my spare time!? From what I remember, these past five years, you couldn't give two fucks about me, considering you never replied to any of my messages!”

Yeah, Jongin definitely crossed a line. The older had never cursed at Jongin before so the younger definitely knew that Kyungsoo was all kinds of levels pissed at him, right now. The younger makes an attempt to interrupt and try to apologize, but this only serves to rile Kyungsoo up even more. 

“More importantly! What the fuck gives you the idea that you can judge who I hang out with?! You're not my mom! Nor my father! Nor my boy-”

Kyungsoo looks away from Jongin and grits his teeth together, stopping himself from finishing that sentence. He runs his hands through his hair in frustration.

Jongin gawks at his elder, because never in his life has he ever seen the smaller so angry before. Never has the elder ever yelled at him like that before. They have never really argued about anything either. The fact that they did, now, only makes Jongin's chest ache, because whether the younger likes it or not, things between him and Kyungsoo, had changed. They weren't the same Jongin and Kyungsoo from high school anymore. Jongin starts thinking about the last few words Kyungsoo had said. The younger can't help but to agree with every single word that was uttered. Kyungsoo was right. Jongin wasn't the older's mom, nor father, nor...boyfriend. Jongin knew what Kyungsoo was going to say next and, honestly, the younger was kind of glad that the older didn't finish that sentence. Jongin had tried, he really had, but he couldn't forget about Kyungsoo. His heart literally skipped a beat as he anticipated the older to finish what he was going to say. The amount of relief that Jongin felt at not having to hear those words out loud was tremendous beyond words. As much as he didn't want to face the truth, he really liked his hyung and if he would've had heard that sentence coming from Kyungsoo, out loud, Jongin wasn't so sure he could bear the heartbreak that would come later. 

Now it's Kyungsoo's turn to pace around. He starts wringing his hands and tries to calm his erratic heartbeat and breathing. He had just raised his voice at Jongin and Jongin at him. Kyungsoo honestly, did not know what was going on. All he knew was that he was tired and just sick of everything. The worst part was that he didn't even really know exactly what he was so sick and tired of! While the older paces around and is distracted by his inner ramblings, he doesn't notice Jongin starting to inch closer to him, not until the younger's hand is already on Kyungsoo's arm. The older takes a sharp intake of air and, instinctively, yanks his arm away from Jongin. 

“No, Jongin. Don't touch me.”

A hurt expression appears on Jongin's face as Kyungsoo looks down at the floor instead of up at the younger. 

“Hyung, I'm sor-”

“NO, Jongin. I don't want to hear it.”

“But, hyung I-”

Kyungsoo finally looks up and meets Jongin's eyes.

“STOP. I don't want to hear about how you're sorry. I don't want your apology.”

Jongin doesn't relent. He truly feels bad after yelling at the older, especially when he thinks about the fact that the older is already enduring a wicked hangover. Jongin can only swallow the hurtful words being directed at him as he tries again to apologize for his behavior. 

“Okay, fine. I won't apologize, but at least tell me what I can do to fix this.”

~Fix this? You want to fix this?!~ Kyungsoo massages his temples, because, really, arguing with Jongin is too much stimulation for his hungover brain. The earth just keeps moving under his feet and his mouth is really dry. He feels really dirty with the same clothes from last night, dried up sweat, from all the dancing, clinging to them. He feels like total and utter crap.

“You don't need to do anything, Jongin.”

“But-”

“Jongin, please. Just, stop.”

The elder turns and walks towards his closet. He rummages in there, looking for a clean towel and clean clothes.

“Hyung-”

“NO.”

Kyungsoo gathers everything he needs for a shower before exiting his room. He can feel Jongin following him out of the room and into the living room. His name is the last thing he hears coming from Jongin's mouth, as he slams the bathroom door closed behind him.  
***  
By the time Kyungsoo was done with his shower and was dressed in a clean pair of sweats and a black t-shirt, Jongin already had breakfast on the table. Even though, it is already a little past two in the afternoon, Jongin figured that the older would want to eat something. If not, Kyungsoo, still needed to get some food in his system to help with the hangover, anyway. 

Kyungsoo makes his way to the kitchen, not expecting there to be food already done. There was some scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast already set on the table. He looks to his left to see Jongin walking towards the table with a pitcher of orange juice and a cup in hand. To say that Kyungsoo was surprised, was an understatement. Not only did Kyungsoo not expect Jongin to be able to cook, in the first place, the argument he had with the younger, a little while ago, pretty much got the older thinking that Jongin wasn't even going to spare a glance his way. The older, frozen in place from the shock of finding out that Jongin actually made him food, doesn't move. Not until Jongin speaks up and tells him to sit. Kyungsoo glances at the younger, who is already sitting on the chair opposite from him, and nods. He takes a seat and stares down at the plate of food. He looks up at Jongin.

“You made this?”

“Yeah.”

Kyungsoo nods. Things are awkward. Great. That's exactly what Kyungsoo DIDN'T want to happen when he decided to let Jongin move in. The older bites the inside of his cheek as he looks down at his plate and starts eating. Kyungsoo has to grit his teeth to refrain from moaning out loud because, damn, the food is good. Maybe it's because there's finally some food in his stomach and it's soaking up all the alcohol in his system, who knows, but Kyungsoo swears this is the best food he has ever had. He immediately starts to regret the way he yelled at Jongin, when he woke up. He shouldn't have. Jongin was only trying to help and he repaid the kind gesture by yelling at him. Then again, whilst Kyungsoo thought over the events that happened, the older didn't think that Jongin had any right to scold him, either. Jongin didn't have any right to criticize the way he chose to live his life or who he chose to live his life with. The older's thoughts are interrupted when he catches Jongin, from the corner of his eye, placing a cup of orange juice next to his plate. 

“Sorry, I didn't make coffee. You're already dehydrated enough as it is, from all the alcohol. Coffee would just make it worse.” 

Yeah. Kyungsoo feels like a complete asshole. Here is Jongin making him breakfast in the afternoon and what did Kyungsoo do? Oh, that's right. He yelled at the younger and told him to butt out of his business. The older shyly wraps his fingers around the cup of orange juice and takes a sip. He can feel Jongin's gaze on him as continues to eat. One couldn't really blame the small blush starting to form on Kyungsoo's cheeks. The older didn't know if Jongin wanted to say something or if maybe, he, himself should say something. What happened earlier shouldn't have happened and Kyungsoo really felt bad about it. Before he gets the nerve to speak up and apologize, Jongin speaks up first.

“Kyungsoo.”

The older nearly chokes on his piece of toast. Great, he isn't even calling me 'hyung' anymore. I must've really pissed him off. He grabs the orange juice and takes a huge gulp, before looking up at Jongin.

“Yes?”

“If I try to give you the aspirins again, will you take them?”

Kyungsoo blinks in surprise, because wasn't the fact that he didn't take the pills, the reason for their argument in the first place? 

“Uhm, yea. I'll take them.”

The older shrinks in his seat as Jongin gets up and walks over to one of the kitchen cabinets, Kyungsoo uses to store medicine. The older feels like a child who has done something wrong and his parents are still mad about it, but because he's their child, they still go around and make sure Kyungsoo has warm food in his belly. The feeling has Kyungsoo pouting as if he really were a child.

“Here.”

Kyungsoo looks up to find Jongin already standing next to him with a hand stretched out towards him. He reaches his hand and and grabs the two white pills in Jongin's palm. The warmth of their hands, briefly, mixes together. Kyungsoo doesn't have time to linger on the thought of how Jongin's warmth would feel against the rest of his body because the minute the pills leave Jongin's hand, the younger starts making his way out of the kitchen. Kyungsoo's eyes widen in surprise at the sudden action and he quickly rises from his seat.

“Wait, Jong-”

Both Jongin and Kyungsoo freeze in their tracks when the sudden sound of the front door being slammed wide open resonates throughout the apartment.

“WHAT'S UP PARTY PEOPLE!”

Kyungsoo raises one hand and brings it to the side of his head. The loud noise making the throbbing in his head come back with a vengeance.

Jongin glances back to look at Kyungsoo, who has a pained expression on his face. The younger looks towards the threshold between the kitchen and the living room only to see Baekhyun making his way in. He sighs. He should've known it was that crazy bastard. Wait, didn't Baek not have the spare key, anymore?

“Jongin! Hey! How's it going?”

“Fine.”

Jongin glances back at Kyungsoo.

“Could you keep it down, though. Kyungsoo is a bit hungover.”

Baekhyun glances over towards Kyungsoo's direction and an evil smirk forms on his face. 

“SURE. I CAN KEEP IT DOWN.”

“Dude. C'mon.”

“Oh, fine. Geez. No need to get so overprotective over your hyung.”

Jongin's jaw clenches at Baekhyun's statement. Baekhyun, on the other hand, ignores Kyungsoo's death glare and pulls him in for a hug.

“Besides, it's not like little Kyunggie, here, can regret the little fun he had last night either~”

The older of the three, pokes at Kyungsoo's cheek as he says this and barely dodges Kyungsoo's attempt at biting his finger off. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at Baekhyun and almost misses Jongin's annoyed expression as the younger starts walking out of the kitchen. He starts trailing after the younger. 

“Wait! Jongin! Where are you going?”

“My room. I need to sleep.”

“What? Why? It's almost three in the afternoon.”

Jongin stops abruptly and turns around to face Kyungsoo. A tired and sad smile plastered across his face.

“Yeah, well, maybe if you had just been a bit quieter last night, maybe, I wouldn't have woken up in the middle of the night...”

Jongin stops when he sees the look of hurt on Kyungsoo's face. He should probably start thinking before he opens his mouth. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He had never yelled at the older in such a way, much less reprimand him for his actions. But, when Baekhyun mentioned how Kyungsoo probably had 'fun' last night, Jongin's thoughts immediately went to how much of a good time Kyungsoo had with Luhan. The thought of Kyungsoo dancing, laughing, and getting drunk with someone that wasn't him, made his blood boil. 

“Look, I just need some sleep, okay?”

With that, Jongin walks away from Kyungsoo and into his room. He throws himself onto his bed and screams into the closest pillow he could find. Jongin was not okay. He was actually losing his mind, right this moment. He thought he could just push down his feelings for Kyungsoo and bury them deep in his heart. Deep enough, so they wouldn't see the light of day, but that obviously wasn't the case. Of course, he could just come out and tell Kyungsoo his feelings, but that would be a lot easier under better circumstances. Not now. Circumstances, now, were far from ideal. Jongin had fucked up, when he decided to cut off communication with the older. The younger knows this decision only made it so his relationship with Kyungsoo, crumbled into nothingness. Add that, to the fact that Kyungsoo, now, appeared to be dating this new blonde guy. Who was he to interfere with Kyungsoo's happiness? Jongin groans, because, fuck, he royally messed up. 

Meanwhile, outside, Kyungsoo can only stand and stare at Jongin's retreating back, as he let's the younger's words sink in. What the fuck? Kyungsoo was at a loss as to what just happened. He thought maybe Jongin had calmed down a bit after what happened earlier, but apparently not. One minute, Jongin was being nice and caring, obviously ignoring how upset he was with the older, and the next moment, he was being cold and sarcastic. Kyungsoo didn't know what was the truth at this point. Jongin had complained about Kyungsoo having woken him up in the middle of the night? Fine. Kyungsoo couldn't care less. He was just going to ignore the older's bipolar mood swings and do what he wanted. Call him crazy for actually considering listening to Jongin about taking it slow with the late nights out. Fuck that. Fuck Jongin. Kyungsoo could and will do whatever he wants. He doesn't need Jongin telling him what he can, can't, or shouldn't do. Kyungsoo angrily turns around and goes back to the kitchen. He finds Baekhyun sitting at the table with a piece of bacon sticking out of his mouth.

“Hey, Kyungsoo. Did you make this? It's really good!”

The smaller narrows his eyes at Baekhyun and then at the food on the table.

“No.”

He deadpans. He grabs the plate he was eating from and throws the remaining food down the sink. He proceeds with furiously cleaning the dirty dishes that had accumulated today, thanks to a certain someone who managed to piss him off not once, but twice, on this very stressful Saturday. 

“Well, I'm assuming things with the new living arrangement aren't going so well.”

Kyungsoo makes it a point to place the clean dishes away with a loud slam in the cabinets. 

“Gee, Baek, what ever gave you that idea?”

Baekhyun can practically see the sarcasm dripping from his best friend's mouth. He knew Kyungsoo's decision to let Jongin move in was a bad idea. I mean, he knew Jongin was looking for a place to stay. The younger had mentioned something about getting away from the family for a while. However, Baekhyun didn't think that Jongin would go and ask Kyungsoo to let him move in. He didn't even, once, consider that Kyungsoo would agree in the first place. Baekhyun was going to have a talk with Kyungsoo about the whole situation and convince him to tell Jongin he had changed his mind, but then Luhan came along. Kyungsoo seemed to be...better. Not one hundred percent moved on or healed from Jongin, but Kyungsoo spending time with Luhan seemed to be helping. So, Baekhyun didn't say anything. He figured that as long as Kyungsoo found someone else, that Jongin's presence in Kyungsoo's life wouldn't cause any unnecessary trouble. If Kyungsoo's relationship with Luhan helped the smaller move on in his life, then Baekhyun approved. Junmyeon did too. Baekhyun had taken it upon himself to update the older on the things going on back home. 

Of course, Junmyeon had called Kyungsoo once or twice to stay in touch and he noticed that Kyungsoo sounded happier ever since he met Luhan. According to Junmyeon, it wasn't like before when one could tell Kyungsoo was trying to force himself to have fun or talk. This time, Kyungsoo seemed more willing. More happy. Nonetheless, since Junmyeon wasn't there at the moment, the task of helping Kyungsoo get on with his life, fell on Baekhyun. 

Kyungsoo was Baekhyun's best friend, so it goes as no surprise that the older of the two has deeply missed his partner in crime. Seeing as Kyungsoo was stressed, right now, Baekhyun thought it was the perfect opportunity to invite Kyungsoo to go out. He waits until Kyungsoo finishes putting the dishes away and then continues in dragging the smaller to the couch in the living room. 

“Soo, guess what?”

“Baek, I don't know if you've noticed, but my brain can't handle some trivial guessing game right now.”

Baekhyun sighs and tries again.

“Fine. Me and the rest of the group, meaning just Sehun 'cause Junmyeon isn't here, want to go out to the club tonight. Wanna come?”

Kyungsoo bites his lip at that tempting invitation, because, lord knows, he needed to blow off some steam after today. He just wasn't sure if going was such a good idea. He takes a glance at Jongin's, closed, door. Kyungsoo hesitates and Baekhyun notices.

“C'mon, Soo! Forget about him. Come hang out with me and Sehun. I miss you. Sehun misses you. A LOT. Like he keeps asking me if I have heard from you. I always say 'no', but I know you're busy having fun with Luhan~”

Kyungsoo punches his friend on the arm.

“OW! What? I speak nothing but the truth.”

Baekhyun grins that creepy smile, that Kyungsoo swears looks exactly like Chanyeol's.

“Please, Soo. I miss you. Sehun misses you. Honestly, I don't know how much of Sehun's hovering I can take. You need to at least hang out with him once. He just really misses you.”

Kyungsoo thinks about the things Baekhyun is saying and decides that, yes, he will go. In all honesty, he had been neglecting his friends a little too much. Sehun had texted and called him a few times and Kyungsoo, unfortunately, had to always decline every time Sehun invited him to go out or something. Jongin would always be there and Kyungsoo didn't want to deal with that. Thinking back on it, all of that seemed quite stupid. Why should he have to stop hanging out with his friends, just because Jongin was also going to be there? Kyungsoo didn't know what he was thinking. 

“Fine. I'll go.”

“YES!! We are going to party hard tonight!”

Kyungsoo smirks and gets up from the couch and makes his way to his room. He needs to get out of his sweat pants and into more 'appropriate' club clothing.

“Oh, uhm, Kyungsoo.”

The smaller turns his head around to face Baekhyun.

“What's up?”

Baekhyun motions towards Jongin's room.

“You know, by default, I have to invite him, too.”

Kyungsoo shrugs

“Yeah, okay.”

After that Kyungsoo, walks into his room and closes the door behind him. Standing behind the door, Kyungsoo can hear the muffled voices belonging to Baekhyun and Jongin.

“Hey Jongin, we are going to go out tonight. Wanna come with?”

“We?”

“Yeah. Me, Sehun, and Kyungsoo. We're going to the club.”

“Kyungsoo said he was going? Seriously?”

“Yup. Why? Does that matter?”

“No. It's just...”

Kyungsoo doesn't hear Jongin and assumes that the younger is probably not amused at the fact that Kyungsoo agreed to go after he came home wasted last night. And the night prior. And the night before last. Kyungsoo shakes his head, because, no, he isn't going to let Jongin ruin this. He isn't going to let Jongin mess with his head any longer. Kyungsoo starts moving away from the door, but doesn't miss it, when he hears Jongin agreeing to go out.  
***  
The club is a bit more crowded, than usual, and strangers' bodies keep swaying from side to side as Kyungsoo makes his way to one of the tables. Apparently, Sehun was just going to meet everyone at the club, so all Kyungsoo had to do was look for a really skinny and tall blonde. Which wouldn't be so hard to do, if Kyungsoo himself wasn't so short. Not that Kyungsoo would ever admit to that. Never. But, because that is just his luck, Kyungsoo has no choice but to cling onto the back of Jongin's black leather jacket as the taller guides him towards Sehun. Baekhyun had gotten lost somewhere in the entrance when a huge crowd of people were just walking out. Kyungsoo didn't worry too much about that, though. He should be worried about the pour soul who manages to get snatched up by Baekhyun while he is lost and trying to find his friends. Oh well. Good luck to that guy. Kyungsoo was getting really impatient that they weren't getting to the table soon and was just about to make a comment about it, when he hears the familiar voice of a friend. 

“Soo!!”

Kyungsoo doesn't have time to register what is happening before he is being pulled away from Jongin and into Sehun's arms. The older can smell the strong smell of alcohol on Sehun's breath as the younger's face hovers just a mere couple inches away from his. That would explain the reason why Sehun was being a bit more touchy feely than normal. Kyungsoo pulls away as much as Sehun allows him and smiles.

“Got started without us, I see.”

Sehun must've really been ready to party, because the boy's face was already flushed and he was starting to slur a few words here and there.

“Yup! I'm tho happy that you thaid you would come today! I mithed you Thoo~”

Kyungsoo laughs and helps Sehun sit on one of the chairs. He thinks that his friend's minor lisp gets a lot more prominent when the younger gets drunk. It's kind of cute actually. Kyungsoo turns to find Jongin has already sat down on one of the chairs and already has a drink in hand. He watches as Jongin scans the dancing crowd in the club. Kyungsoo cocks an eyebrow.

“Where did you get that?”

Jongin's head tilts slightly as he shifts his attention to Kyungsoo. 

“Where did I get what?”

Kyungsoo motions to the drink in Jongin's hand.

“The drink. When did you go to the bar?”

Jongin smirks that devilish smirk that only comes out when Jongin is being a flirt and trying to get laid. 

“I didn't.”

Kyungsoo is more confused than before, but as he stares at Jongin, he starts following the younger's gaze until his eyes land on a some girl in a tight red mini dress on the dance floor. The girl raises her head to look at Jongin and winks. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.

“Of course. How could I forget? You're Kim Jongin. If you wanted to, you could probably get anyone in this club to go out with you.”

Jongin clenches his jaw as Kyungsoo looks at him straight in the eyes and makes that ridiculously ironic statement. He isn't sure, but he thinks he sees a flash of hurt in Kyungsoo's eyes, but immediately dismisses it, because why would Kyungsoo care who Jongin hooks up with? Kyungsoo has Luhan and the older made it very clear, earlier that day, that Jongin had no business meddling in his life. Jongin looks away from Kyungsoo and downs the drink in his hand all in one go. The copper liquid burning as it trickles down his throat. He turns his head to face the older.

“Yeah. I probably could.”

He, then, sets the empty glass on the table and walks away, disappearing into the dancing crowd of strangers. Not sparing Kyungsoo one last glance. Sehun, having watched the exchange between Kyungsoo and Jongin, makes a comment off to the side.

“Geez, that guy can be a real jerk sometimes...”

Kyungsoo watches as Jongin disappears into the crowd and runs his hand through his hair in frustration. Don't let him get to you, Kyungsoo. Stop. Stop thinking about Jongin. Kyungsoo was too distracted with his own issues that he forgot that a very drunk Sehun was sitting right next to him and was now starting to inch extremely close to the older. Kyungsoo is startled when he can feel Sehun's hot breath on his neck. 

“Soo...”

Kyungsoo turns to looks at Sehun. He starts thinking that maybe Sehun needs to be taken home, now.

“Hey, Sehun. You okay? Do you need to go home?”

“No. No, I...I don't want to leave.”

Sehun scoots his chair even closer to Kyungsoo, giving him good access to wrap his arms around the smaller man. 

“I want to stay with you~”

Kyungsoo can barely hear what Sehun is saying, but laughs when he hears the younger start whining about not wanting to leave.

“Hyung~ I like your smile.”

Sehun abruptly sits up straight to look at Kyungsoo, noses almost touching. 

“Did you know that your smile looks like a heart? I like it. It's cute.”

The older lets out a gasp when Sehun suddenly rests his forehead against his own. Kyungsoo was MOST DEFINITELY not expecting that. He is fine with Sehun being a little more touchy than usual, but this position was a bit too compromising for him. For anyone, really. Yeah, he thinks that it is certainly time for Sehun to go home. 

“Sehun-”

“You're cute, Hyung.”

Huh? What? Kyungsoo is at a loss for words and it worries him, that he can't tell whether or not Sehun is joking. The younger seemingly having grown very serious. Either way, if Sehun is indeed serious, well, Kyungsoo can't help but think that Sehun just meant that comment in a friendly way. Like a compliment. After all, Sehun is drunk. He probably doesn't know or have control over half of things he is saying. Kyungsoo doesn't give that statement much thought. The elder smiles at Sehun's 'compliment' and tries to urge the younger to his feet.

“Yes, well thank you for that. I think you're cute, too.”

Sehun's eyes widen and he starts too panic as he realizes what Kyungsoo must be thinking. He didn't know why he was suddenly feeling so bold, but all the things he had been wanting to say to Kyungsoo and kept to himself, just kept spilling out. He would be damned if he let Kyungsoo disregard these feelings.

“No. Soo, you don't get it...”

Sehun cups Kyungsoo's face with his hands and makes the elder look at him in the eyes. The younger begins to say something, but doesn't...can't go through with it. He looks into Kyungsoo's eyes and what he sees does little to fuel his courage. Somewhere in the back of his drunken mind he knows. He had always known. Sehun is painfully aware of the truth. Even hammered as fuck, Sehun can tell. The look Kyungsoo is giving him, is full of concern and worry, but not the kind reserved for a loved one. Kyungsoo looks at him with the worry of an older brother being concerned over his younger brother. The elder looks at Sehun with the worry reserved for a friend. Sehun gulps down the knot in his throat. He gulps down the confession he was all too ready to deliver. He had come to the club early to get a little bit of liquid courage, but as it so happens, he might have gone a little to overboard with the drinks. He likes Kyungsoo very much, but it doesn't seem like the elder would return those feelings. Sehun licks his lips and removes his hand from Kyungsoo's face. 

“Sehun, are you alright?”

“Yes, Hyung. I'll be...I'll be okay.”

Sehun averts his eyes from Kyungsoo and turns to grab his jacket from the chair.

“Wait, what are you doing?”

“Going home.”

“Not alone, you're not.”

Sehun hadn't been acting like himself and he was drunk as hell, so Kyungsoo was not about to let his friend go home alone. Who knows if the younger could even make it to his house all by himself.

“Oh, Hey! Boss!”

Kyungsoo turns his head, because that voice he had just heard sounded extremely familiar, and for someone reason, out of place. He spots his co-worker making his way over with a small Baekhyun not too far behind. 

“Look, Soo! Guess who I found?”

“Uhm, yes I can see him, Baek.”

Baekhyun is grinning like an idiot in love, but that doesn't stop him from noticing Sehun standing and putting on his jacket, like he is about to leave.

“Where is Sehun going?”

“Home. I think he had a little too much to drink. I'm going with him.”

Sehun turns around to face Kyungsoo.

“No, you stay. You just got here. I don't want to ruin your night.”

Kyungsoo starts to say something, but Baekhyun cuts in before he can say anything.

“I'll go. Kyungsoo you stay.”

“But, Baek. You got a ride from me. How are you going to get back?”

Baekhyun points to Chanyeol.

“He has a car.” 

Baekhyun turns to look up at Chanyeol as he grips the taller by his arm and musters the best 'lost puppy dog' eyes he can.

“Do you mind giving Sehun a lift home? Pretty please?”

Chanyeol being the saint that he is, doesn't hesitate and immediately agrees to taking a drunk Sehun home. Kyungsoo still doesn't seem convinced, because, honestly, he would rather make sure, first-hand, that Sehun makes it home alright.

Baekhyun seems to pick up on Kyungsoo's hesitation, but quickly moves to assure the smaller that Sehun will be fine. Baekhyun grabs Sehun by the arm and drags him out of the club. He takes one look at Sehun's face and instantly knows. He didn't major in psychology for nothing. He had noticed the subtle looks Sehun had given Kyungsoo, over time, and the way the younger seems a little too overprotective over him, as well. Baekhyun didn't give it much thought, but with the recent introduction of Luhan into Kyungsoo's life, Sehun had become overly curious about Kyungsoo's relationship. Sehun didn't seem to approve of the blonde. Not one bit. It was easy for Baekhyun to figured out what was going on without Sehun having to tell him. He shakes his head, not in disappointment or disapproval, but in sympathy. ~Looks like our maknae had his heart broken, tonight.~  
***

Inside the club, Kyungsoo watches as Baekhyun pulls a drunk Sehun out of the building followed by Chanyeol. Once the trio is out of the building, the elder turns around and heads into the crowd of dancing bodies to try to find Jongin. He dances through the crowd, because it just makes it easier to move around amongst a mass of grinding bodies. Kyungsoo doesn't find Jongin and all the heat being given off from the people dancing is starting to get to him. He was still feeling a bit 'off' from the hangover he woke up with and is now regretting having agreed to come to the club. The swaying bodies are starting to fuse together and mingle into each other and the once welcomed sound of the bass emanating from the speakers is becoming increasingly unbearable for Kyungsoo. His vision begins to zone in and out of focus. He really should've just stayed home. By some miracle, however, Kyungsoo makes it to the bar and places himself onto one of the empty chairs. Eyes closed and both hands on the side of his face he tries to take deep breaths of air. 

“Kyungsoo?”

Said male, opens his eyes at the sound of his name being called and turns to the owner of the voice. Relief washes over him, when he realizes it's Jongin and the possibility of going home is fast approaching. He turns on his chair and spots the taller standing a couple feet away.

“Finally! I was looking all over for you.”

Kyungsoo jumps of his chair and walks closer to Jongin.

“Really? You didn't look like you were.”

The older scoffs.

“Well, excuse me. Sorry if I decided to sit down after I started feeling bad.”

“Oh, so now you worry about your health?”

Kyungsoo runs a hand through his hair in frustration. He does not want to start this argument again. He just wants to go home. 

“What do you want to hear, Jongin? That you were right? Fine. You were right. I probably should've stayed home.”

“Well, that's a given.”

“Yeah, yeah. You can say, 'I told you so', all you want, once we get home. C'mon, let's go.”

“Wait. Now? We just got here. Why are we leaving?”

A loud sigh can be heard coming from Kyungsoo.

“Sehun got pretty wasted so Baek took him home. It's just us and frankly, I am not feeling so great, so...”

“You want to go home?”

“Kind of.”

Kyungsoo doesn't miss the deflated look that appears on Jongin's face.

“I mean, do you want to stay for a bit?”

It's true that Kyungsoo felt like crap at this very moment, but Jongin had agreed to come out to the club, too. The older figured that Jongin might have actually wanted to enjoy the night out and it was kind of selfish of him to want to make the younger leave with him if the latter didn't want to. In the time Jongin was missing, Kyungsoo assumes he had been with that red mini dress wearing chick doing who knows what. The older shakes the obscene thoughts popping up in his head.  
Kyungsoo looks back and notices Jongin's hesitation in giving him an answer. He gives up.

“That's okay. It's still early so, go have fun. You don't have to come home with me. I'll just go. Call me if you need a ride back.”

Kyungsoo begins to make his way out of the club.

“No! Wait!”

The elder turns around, only to see Jongin walking towards him. He tilts his head up a bit since Jongin is now standing a lot closer than an arm's length away.

“Don't go.”

Kyungsoo sighs.

“Jongin, I'm really not feeling so good. I should go home.”

“But...”

“But, what?”

Jongin runs his left hand through his thick brown hair as he looks away from Kyungsoo and lets out a breath. He swallows as he meets Kyungsoo's gaze one more time. It's by dumb luck that Jongin can manage to ask what he wants, because those big brown eyes staring back at him, in curiosity, leave him weak in the knees and in utter awe. He had always been a sucker for those eyes. 

“Will you dance with me? Just one dance.”

It takes Kyungsoo a couple seconds to comprehend what it is that Jongin is asking, but when he does realize what's going on, his brain starts working at a million thoughts per minute. 

“Uhm, I don't feel up to dancing. The music is going too fast and I'm not sure I can-”

As if on cue the pace of the music changes. Both Jongin anf Kyungsoo turn towards the DJ of the club. This the part of the night where the DJ announces that it's time to slow things down and switches the upbeat tempo of the cliché club music, with a much slower, more sensual beat. Kyungsoo glances at Jongin and doesn't miss the small smile that forms on the younger's face. Jongin turns around and offers his hand to Kyungsoo.

“Please? We'll go slow. I promise.”

The throbbing in Kyungsoo's head had come back and the older was hesitating between going home and taking care of his headache or take Jongin up on his very tempting offer. The pain in his head seeming to fade the longer he stared at Jongin.

Kyungsoo is torn between listening and paying attention to his brain or his heart. However, because there's an enormous amount of information accumulating in his brain, about why saying 'yes' to Jongin is a bad idea, none of the well thought out reasoning breaks through to Kyungsoo. Instead, his heart, the part that holds Kyungsoo's most primal desires and wants, the part that can't help but love the man standing before him with so much intensity, the part that only needs one reason to convince Kyungsoo to say 'yes', wins. The minute Kyungsoo's hand reaches out and makes contact with Jongin's hand, any and all reason for refusing and choosing to walk the other way, disappears. Now, the only force driving Kyungsoo, is his relentless and indescribable need to have Jongin near him. Against his better judgment, Kyungsoo decides to let himself enjoy having Jongin so close to him, bodies moving together in sync, feeling both their body heats radiating off of each other. 

Jongin leads Kyungsoo to the dance floor and pulls him close. He doesn't let himself dwell too much on the fact that Kyungsoo actually stayed and agreed to dance with him. He doesn't want to risk the chance of Kyungsoo changing his mind and leaving. The memory of what happened earlier that day becoming more of lost and forgotten dream. It might be the couple of drinks he had, whatever, but he feels a bit more bold tonight and he wants this. The argument they had earlier seeming like a faraway dream. Jongin wants Kyungsoo here, with him. So, he doesn't worry about the consequences. Instead, he lets himself be at the mercy of his desires.

The younger holds Kyungsoo's left hand with his right and intertwines their fingers together. Kyungsoo is pulled closer by Jongin's free hand on his waist as the elder places his right hand on the younger's upper arm. However, Jongin who is still seemingly not satisfied with their proximity, brings Kyungsoo's left hand to rest on the nape of his neck, letting his right hand fall onto the other's waist. 

In having to rest his hand on the nape of Jongin's neck, Kyungsoo has no other choice but to lean in closer to the younger.The elder's breath hitches when he feels Jongin's free right hand land on his waist. Kyungsoo's grip on Jongin's biceps tightens as the distance between the two, diminishes. Never in his wildest imaginations did he ever think that he would ever be this close to Jongin. So close in that he could feel every flexion and extension of Jongin's muscles as they move side to side, following the rhythm of the music. So close in that he could inhale the smell of Jongin's cologne with every breath he takes.

After a few moments, Kyungsoo becomes too overwhelmed with the smell of the cologne and decides to look up; essentially removing his face from Jongin's chest. He immediately regrets it because Jongin's face is now mere inches away from his. 

Jongin moves his head slightly and instantly meets eyes with the elder, making the smaller blush. Kyungsoo's breathing and heartbeat became erratic and he can feel his face start to heat up and no doubt he is sporting a deep red color on his cheeks by now. The assumption only makes him warmer and he quickly diverts his eyes away from Jongin's. His fingers on Jongin's neck travel upwards and dig themselves into thick brown locks. For a small moment, a fleeting second, Kyungsoo forgets the club and the people around them. 

~♪~the two eyes looking at each other, the one remaining pair of eyes, the lost eyes, the two eyes, tightly shut, the eyes that are too late, the eyes that lost you~♪~

Deep brown eyes try to shyly hide themselves away, but before Kyungsoo looks away, Jongin takes notice of the blush already settling down on the the elder's face. Jongin wraps his hands tighter around Kyungsoo and lets them rest on the smaller's lower back. He can clearly hear Kyungsoo take a sharp intake of breath at the sudden movement. He can also feel the small fingers on his neck, starting to dig into his hair. Jongin can feel Kyungsoo's tight grip on his hair and on his arm. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't bother him. If anything, Jongin relishes the moment, because he isn't sure when he will be able to elicit these types of responses from the elder, again, any time soon. Jongin inhales the familiar inviting scent of lavendar on Kyungsoo's skin and enjoys the warmth eminating from him. The feather light touches of Kyungsoo's finger-tips on his neck, starting to drive him crazy. He doesn't think this moment could get any better. He doesn't even question why exactly Kyungsoo is even letting this happen. He doesn't ponder why it is that Kyungsoo isn't pushing him away. Jongin doesn't even know where the courage to ask Kyungsoo to dance, came from. Maybe it was the way Kyungsoo looked under the dim lighting of the club, with his blue leather jacket, hair slicked back. Maybe it was the fact that Jongin seems to finally understand that he really does like Kyungsoo as more than just friends and having the elder so close to him makes his resolve to hold his feelings back, weaken. Jongin doesn't know the exact reason and it's not that he doesn't care to know...it's just...he doesn't want this moment to disappear as easily as it came. For a brief moment, Jongin swears that the whole world disappeared and all that was left, was him and Kyungsoo.

~♪~ I made a big mistake, I made a mistake, the dream that grew inside of me, was that time would bring you to me like the wind ~♪~

Kyungsoo and Jongin stay like this for a while. Swaying back and forth to the music until the beating of their hearts began to beat in sync with one another. It wasn't until the song was already nearing its end and picking up speed, when Kyungsoo finally begins to break through the haze that is Jongin. Something deep within himself was telling him this wasn't right. Yes, he had always dreamt of this moment, of when he would have Jongin in his arms, but this wasn't right. He couldn't figure out why Jongin wasn't pulling away. Did Jongin have feelings for him? Or worse. Did Jongin find out about his feelings? Was Jongin just doing this out of pity? What was going on? Completely snapped out of his daze, Kyungsoo starts to pull away. 

Jongin feels when Kyungsoo's hands start to pull away from his neck. The younger stiffens. Cold air seeps in between the two when Kyungsoo pulls away and Jongin panics. Jongin doesn't want to feel the cold empty space. He doesn't want Kyungsoo to leave him just yet. His hold on the older's waist tightens and he presses Kyungsoo up against him. 

~♪~now i need to keep you inside my drawer forever, but can I take you out sometimes? Even if my heart that longs for you becomes a small star, at least from far away, at least in my heart, I will warmly shine for you~♪~

The smaller gasps at Jongin's sudden action. He looks up to look at Jongin with wide eyes. Surprise written all over his face when he notices that Jongin's lips are a mere breath away. Kyungsoo is now hyper aware of his surroundings and as such, he definitely doesn't miss Jongin's ragged breathing when the younger starts to lean in closer to him. He doesn't miss the way Jongin's gaze softens when the younger looks into his eyes, as if asking for permission. Jongin's gaze flickers from Kyungsoo's wide eyes and heart shaped lips. The elder can feel the ghost of Jongin's warm breath on him as the younger leans his forehead onto his. Kyungsoo's hands lay on the front of Jongin's chest, where he can feel the erratic beating of the taller's heart. Jongin's lips hover a few centimeters over Kyungsoo's. 

“Kyungsoo.”

~♪~What if it was me, the eyes that are looking at you inside your eyes...~♪~

Jongin calls out Kyungsoo's name almost like a plea. The younger has thrown all caution out the door. If Jongin is going to do this, he has to do it now, before his resolve wavers. Jongin tilts Kyungsoo's chin with one finger, giving him more access to the heart shaped lips that have been plaguing his dreams for countless nights, now. 

Kyungsoo doesn't have time to react to Jongin calling out his name, when he already feels a set of warm and soft lips on his. Although, caught off guard at first, Kyungsoo gradually relaxes and closes his eyes. Kyungsoo can feel Jongin's warmth spreading all throughout his body. All the way from his lips to the ends of his toes. When Jongin massages Kyungsoo's waist, ever so slowly, the elder opens his mouth in a silent gasp, prompting Jongin to deepen the kiss. Jongin taste so sweet, like warm honey, and Kyungsoo can't get enough. The smaller leans deeper into the kiss, moving his lips and tongue against Jongin's. Kyungsoo balls his fists into the front of Jongin's shirt, pulling the younger closer.


	8. Life Goes On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was tired of having these one-sided feelings for someone he knows damn well won't return the same feelings. Kyungsoo is tired of putting up a front, but at the same time, doesn't have the courage to come out and admit his true feelings. Kyungsoo thought he was over it. He thought he had succeeded in forgetting Jongin. What a fool Kyungsoo had been to just assume that he could get rid of his love for Jongin in a such a small amount of time.

Waking up with a hangover is not fun. Not fun at all. The natural sunlight from the outside world and the artificial kind emanating from the lightbulbs in the apartment is uncomfortable to the eyes and manages to induce a feeling of nausea in the pit of Sehun's stomach. Add that to the fact that Sehun can instantly taste the rising awful sour bile at the back of his parched throat as he sits up straight on his bed. Yeah, waking up with a hangover is not fun.

Getting up from his bed and making his way to the bathroom is no easy task. The minute Sehun rises to his feet, the pounding in his head worsens and the overwhelming urge to puke almost overtakes him. Thankfully, he manages to make it to the bathroom and turns on the shower. Sehun steps in and the immediate contact of warm water on cold skin is enough to ease the pulsating headache that had situated between his eyes. 

With the amount of alcohol Sehun had consumed you would think that a lot of last night's events would be nothing but a foggy memory in his mind, but that wasn't the case. Much to Sehun's dismay, Sehun could recall everything that he had done the night prior. He remembers arriving at the club earlier than the rest. He remembers deciding that it was a good idea to take a couple of shots of vodka before Baekhyun and Kyungsoo got there. Unfortunately, the alcohol combined with his nerves turned those couple of shots into a couple more...and a few more. 

Sehun had decided that last night was going to be night that he would come clean and tell Kyungsoo about his feelings. He was going to tell Kyungsoo that he liked him. Was being the key word. He probably should've called it quits on his sixth shot because by then, Sehun had become an incomprehensible mess; barely able to sit up straight and have full control over the words that spilled out of his mouth. He knew he was a light weight so why did even think drinking was such a good idea in the first place?

He groans when he remembers how the only think he could tell Kyungsoo was that the older had a nice smile and how he thought it was so cute. Remembering is like a hit to his ego and pride. ~Smooth. Sehun. Real smooth.~

He turns off the water and steps out of the shower; wrapping a towel around his waist. Blonde hair still soaking wet, water still dripping down his bare back and chest, Sehun walks to his kitchen and opens the refrigerator, searching for water. Even after brushing his teeth, a foul taste still lingers in his mouth. It's disgusting, really. He's starting to regret having drank so much last night. 

Sehun goes back to his room and throws himself onto his bed, not caring to put clothes on and after setting the cup of water on his bedside table. Of course, Sehun was aware that even if he did tell Kyungsoo how he felt, there wasn't a good chance that Kyungsoo would reciprocate those feelings. All Sehun wanted was to tell Kyungsoo and get these bottled up feelings off of his chest. Not telling Kyungsoo would only prevent Sehun from being able to move forward with his life. If he were to tell Kyungsoo everything, it would just be that much easier for Sehun to accept the fact that Kyungsoo would never see him as anything more than a friend. Being just a friend was just fine, well, with due time, Sehun would learn to be fine with it.

It felt like weeks since he last saw Kyungsoo and, frankly, Sehun missed him. It's not like he didn't notice why Kyungsoo wasn't around as often, either. Sehun knew that Jongin's arrival was going to affect Kyungsoo in a negative way. He just didn't think Kyungsoo would opt out to use someone else to get his mind off of Jongin. Baekhyun was so glad that Kyungsoo had finally found someone that made him happy, but everytime Sehun heard that Kyungsoo was out with Luhan, he always ended up in a bad mood. For one, yes, he was in a way jealous that Kyungsoo wasn't hanging around anymore and was spending more time with Luhan than with him, but Sehun was also not too happy with Kyungsoo's and Luhan's 'relationship' because Kyungsoo was going out to clubs a lot more than usual. According to Chanyeol, Kyungsoo was showing up to work hungover, most days out of the work week. Kyungsoo was drinking and staying out late a lot more often and Sehun didn't like that. Putting aside his jealousy over Luhan, Sehun didn't think Kyungsoo was handling Jongin's arrival back home, that well. Sehun was afraid that at the rate Kyungsoo was going, the older was going to end up hurting himself. That was what worried Sehun the most. 

Sehun groans in annoyance because he just can't believe that he fucked up his chance to tell Kyungsoo everything. Last night was suppose to be the night he confessed his feelings, but instead he had a few too many drinks and, he is sure, that he made a fool of himself in front of Kyungsoo. While Sehun wallows in his ill fortune, his cellphone on the bedside table starts ringing. Sehun doesn't even bother looking at the caller ID when he reaches over and puts the phone to his ear. He really should've at least glanced at the name on the phone's screen.

“Hey, Sehun. It's me Kyungsoo.”

Sehun chokes on his spit at the sound of Kyungsoo's voice on the other end of the line.

“Sehun? Are you okay?”

Once his coughing fit is over and Sehun has composed himself, somewhat, he finally speaks.

“Y-yeah. I'm fine. Just have a killer hangover.”

Sehun can hear Kyungsoo laughing on the other end.

“I bet. You really outdid yourself last night with the drinking. AHA you even said my smile was cute!”

Sehun blushes and literally facepalms. Oh lord. Kill me now. This is so embarrassing. Maybe if I pretend I don't remember, things will be okay.

“Did I? Really? Yeah, to be honest, last night is kind of a blur.”

“Oh really? Well...you didn't really miss much. I'm glad you made it home safely.”

Although the thought of concern is touching and it makes Sehun feel a bit giddy, like a high school girl finally speaking to her crush, a sigh of relief escapes Sehun's lips because thankfully, Kyungsoo isn't going to dwell too much on his abnormal behavior at the club.

“Right. Well, did you need something?”

“Yeah...uhm...you see...”

Ignoring the unusual movement of the room and the ever growing feeling of nausea, Sehun sits up straight with his legs dangling over the side of the bed. The tall blonde becomes concern when he hears the nervousness in Kyungsoo's voice.

“Soo, is there something wrong?”

“Well, no...yes...maybe?”

“Oookaaaay. Which is it?”

“I just...I need you to do me a favor. But, you can't ask me why or what happened. I just need you to help me.”

“W-what, why...How am I supposed to help you if I don't know what's wrong?”

“Look, you don't have to do much. All I need you to do is call Jongin and tell him to go over to your place or something.”

“What? Why?”

“Sehun! Uuuggggh...I'm sorry I know I'm not making sense. I promise I'll tell you what's going on soon, but I just need you to get Jongin out of...our apartment.”

Kyungsoo is right. He isn't making any sense at all. Sehun is completely at a loss as to what is going on. 

“Please, Sehun. All I can say, is that something happened last night. I don't want to talk about it, right now, but I really can't...I don't want to see Jongin.”

Sehun sighs. Who is he to deny Kyungsoo of anything? Especially when the older is going out of his way to literally plead for Sehun to help him. Sehun is just weak for Kyungsoo.

“Fine. I'll get Jongin to come over to my place or something. Is there like a specific time you want him out or-”

“Right now. Just call him now and keep him at your place for like an hour. That's all I need.”

“Alright...wait...if you don't want to see Jongin...are you not at your apartment?”

There's a long pause before Kyungsoo answers. 

“Well, no. I didn't go home last night...”

“You didn't- Okay, so where did you stay if you didn't go home?”

“I went...I'm at Luhan's...”

Sehun's grip on his phone tightens when he learns that Kyungsoo spent the night at Luhan's place. It takes a few seconds for Sehun to suppress the jealousy and anger bubbling in his heart. He is able to find his voice again, but even then, the words coming out of his mouth sound strained.

“Oh. Okay. Well, at least you had somewhere to go. I'm going to hang up now and call Jongin.”

“Yes, please. I really owe you for this. Thanks, Sehun.”

“Yeah, Hyung. I'll talk to you later.”

The phone calls ends and Sehun falls back onto his bed in resignation. 

That's right. Kyungsoo has Luhan, now... 

His phone still in his grip, Sehun brings back up close to his face. Thumb pressing down on the screen, he goes and starts scrolling down his list of contacts. Sehun's gaze lingers on Jongin's name for a few moments.

“Tch...”

Sehun sighs and dials Jongin's number. He holds the phone up to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Jongin. It's Sehun. Wanna come over?”

...and even if Soo didn't have Luhan, he would still have someone else in his heart, that wouldn't be me...

***

The plan was relatively simple. Sehun was to call Jongin to get him out of the apartment he shared with Kyungsoo so, Kyungsoo could go in and do whatever it is that he needed to get done. All Sehun had to do was get Jongin to come over to his apartment. Sehun figured that he and Jongin could just lay around and watch tv to make the time go by quickly. That would've been the plan if it wasn't for the fact that Sehun started thinking about why exactly Kyungsoo wanted to avoid Jongin. 

While he was waiting for Jongin to get to his place, Sehun did a lot of thinking. He reasoned that ever since Jongin's return, Kyungsoo hadn't been acting like his usual self. The older had been avoiding any sort of situation where Jongin would also be present and because Sehun had developed feelings for his hyung, he just couldn't help but notice all the small things that Kyungsoo did. Kyungsoo was hanging out with Luhan more because he wanted to avoid Jongin. That much, Sehun knew. So, now, not only was Sehun still annoyed about finding out that Kyungsoo had spent the night at Luhan's place, but he was also getting even more irritated because he had come to the conclusion that Kyungsoo was staying out late at clubs and getting drunk with Luhan, because of his feelings for Jongin. Feelings that Jongin failed to notice. 

It's enough to say, that by the time Jongin arrives at Sehun's place, Sehun isn't at all too happy with his best friend. In fact, he couldn't wait until the hour, that Kyungsoo needed, was up so he could kick Jongin out. Jongin's mere presence was annoying Sehun so much. Enough to the point that the maknae was now sporting a permanent bitch face while the two sat on the couch in front of the tv. Sehun's irritation grew to a new extreme and it wasn't too long before his patience gave out.

“So, when are you moving out?”

Jongin, too immersed into the music show that they were watching, isn't paying much attention to Sehun, so he doesn't quite grasp what it is that the blonde was asking. 

“Huh?”

Sehun's patience had reached its end and wanting Jongin's undivided attention, he snatches the remote out of Jongin's hand and turns off the tv.

“Moving out. When are you moving out of Kyungsoo's place?”

Jongin turns to face Sehun and scrunches his face in confusion.

“Uhm...I don't know. I still haven't pulled enough money together to rent a new place. Why do you ask?”

Sehun lets out an exasperated sigh.

“Just. No reason in particular. Although, if it's money you need I'll be glad to help you.”

Jongin blinks a few times not quite understanding why Sehun seems so agitated.

“Sehun, did...did you talk to Kyungsoo? Did he say something about wanting me to move out?”

Both males look at each other unblinking. For a few moments, the only thing that can be heard throughout the apartment is the sound of their breathing. Time seems to slow down and an uncomfortable silence engulfs both Sehun and Jongin. Sehun is the first to speak.

“No. I haven't spoken to Kyungsoo and even if I did, what reason would Kyungsoo have to kick you, of all people, out of his apartment?”

Sehun knows something big happened between Kyungsoo and Jongin. Kyungsoo was acting too weird for something not to have happened and he was going to get the truth of Jongin, one way or another. 

On the other hand, Jongin seems to be perplexed about what is going because, why does it seem like Sehun is pissed off and at him for that matter. Jongin doesn't remember doing something that would've caused Sehun to be angry at him.

“There's no reason. I just...Kyungsoo...he didn't come home last night. I was hoping you knew where he was. I really need to talk to him.”

“Tch...Talk to him? You want to talk to him? Please. For the last five years that's all Kyungsoo ever wanted from you and you completely ignored him!”

Okay. Forget finding out the truth about what happened last night. Sehun was just really irritated with Jongin, with Luhan, with himself...he has really had enough of all these lies and bottled up feelings. Sehun rises from his spot on the couch and runs his hand through his hair in frustration. At the moment, he is finding Jongin to be really annoying. Sehun had already resigned himself to the fact that Kyungsoo won't ever return his feelings. That's fine. What is not fine is Sehun watching from the sidelines, not being able to do anything to help, as the person he likes is getting his heart broken, over and over, by a clueless moron that he calls his best friend. 

When Sehun looks back at Jongin all he sees is pure bewilderment written all over his friend's face.

“Sehun, what are you talking-”

“Oh god! Jongin, please tell me that you aren't that blind! Tell me that you aren't really this dense. How could you not see it?!” 

A little bit offended at the fact that his friend is accusing him of being dense, Jongin gets up from the couch.

“Dude, what the hell are you talking about?”

It's at this point that Sehun completely loses his cool. He grabs Jongin by the shoulders and looks him dead in the eyes.

“Jongin, don't you see? Don't you see what having you so close, does to him? You hurt him without even realizing that you're hurting him!”

Jongin doesn't move or say anything. Too confused to grasp what is going on. He decides to just let Sehun continue speaking. Clearly his friend needed to get something off of his chest. Sehun lets go of Jongin and starts pacing back and forth. Jongin can only listen and watch while he waits for Sehun to calm down.

“It was the same back in High School too. You never saw his feelings for you. You hurt him every time and because he liked you so much, he just stood there and took all that hurt, in. You keep doing it and honestly...I...don't want to see Kyungsoo suffer anymore.”

At the mention of Kyungsoo's name Jongin perks up. He is even more confused than before.

“Fine. I admit it. I like Kyungsoo. After I had gotten heart broken because of Junmyeon-hyung, Kyungsoo was there for me. We became friends. However, somewhere along the way I began to see him as more than a friend. I don't know when, but it happened.”

Sehun swallows the knot in his throat. He's angry because this confession was only supposed to be heard by one person and one person only, but here he was, airing it all out in front of Jongin. He raises his head to look up at Jongin with a tinge of sadness in his eyes. 

“You know what the sad part about all of this is? It's that I know Kyungsoo will never return my feelings. He will never look at me the way I look at him. He will never look at me the way he looks at you. Kyungsoo can say all he wants about having Luhan now, but that doesn't mean anything. This whole time, the only person that has ever been in his heart...that person was always you, Jongin.”

Tears fall down Sehun's face as he utters the cold hard truth. His heart is in too much pain for him to just continue sitting idly by as Kyungsoo gets his heart broken. 

“Do you realize how hard it is to watch the person you care deeply about, cry over someone else? He loves you, Jongin. He always has and I have a sickening feeling that he always will.”

Sehun sits back down on the couch leaving Jongin to stand in the middle of living room in shock.

“You know what gets me? Jongin, you had this perfect person...this beautiful human being, right next to you this whole time and you couldn't see him! I hate it so much that he still clings to the idea that one day he will actually have you. I hate how, from the beginning, I knew that Kyungsoo would never like me the way he liked you. I hate that it hurts me to no end, watching as Kyungsoo suffers because the one person that he loves more than anything in this world is too dense and blind to see the truth!”

Jongin drops back down onto the couch, eyes unwavering from Sehun.

“I hate so much that I can't seem to be able to help Kyungsoo, to move on...”

Jongin stares at Sehun, too stunned to say anything. His friend's words cutting through him like a sharpened blade. He has never seen Sehun so angry, but at the same time, so sad. Jongin's mouth opens and closes as if wanting to say something but not knowing what to say.

“Sehun, I didn't-”

“Don't!...Don't say you didn't know. You did. I told you, once. Back in High School, I told you. I told you that Kyungsoo liked you, but you just disregarded it. You said he would get over it, soon. Well, guess what? He didn't. So, now you need to figure out what the hell it is that you feel for Kyungsoo and fix this mess.”

Having had enough, Sehun rises from his spot on the couch, grabs his cellphone, his keys, and walks to the front door. He looks over his shoulder at Jongin.

“I'm heading out. Make sure you lock the door when you leave.”

Jongin watches as the front door closes behind Sehun. He sinks into the couch and hangs his head. He rewinds his memories in his head, going over everything that Sehun had just said. Sehun couldn't be lying. There was just no way. The blonde had looked too angry, too sad, and too frustrated for any of it to not have been true. Jongin feels like crying, because, yes, it was true. Sehun had told him back in high school that Kyungsoo liked him. Jongin remembers thinking nothing of it. Well, at least to Sehun it may have seen like he thought nothing of it. In reality, Jongin was too scared to even consider it the truth. Kyungsoo was his best friend. Jongin didn't want anything to jeopardize his friendship with Kyungsoo. He didn't want to take the chance at a relationship with Kyungsoo and then have it end badly. In turn, ruining the friendship they had before. Jongin couldn't have known that Kyungsoo still liked him. No way.

~But I did. All those times Kyungsoo was there for me. All those times he stayed after school with me and listened to me go on and on about my worries and insecurities. All those times he had let me see that beautiful heart-shaped smile of his , when I was feeling down. All those times Kyungsoo had paid a little bit more extra attention to me, when I hurt myself during practice. All those times he asked me if I had eaten and rested up well, just to make sure I would have enough energy for my dance practice. All those times, I knew. Who wouldn't know? I just...I just chose to ignore it.~ 

A sense of urgency envelops Jongin as he realizes that, no, he didn't want to lose Kyungsoo over this. The kiss last night might have pushed Kyungsoo too far and Jongin was starting to regret ever thinking that moving in with Kyungsoo was a good idea. He couldn't lose Kyungsoo like this. Even after he had been such a coward and chose to shy away from his feelings for the older, it seemed he was still going to lose Kyungsoo, anyway. Jongin couldn't let that happen. He refused. He needed to find Kyungsoo. He needed to explain himself and more than anything, Jongin needed to apologize. 

Kyungsoo hadn't come home last night. Jongin had stayed awake for hours waiting to hear the front door open and close, alerting him to the arrival of the older. However, that didn't happen. Jongin had woken up to an emtpy apartment. Kyungsoo still hadn't come home when Sehun called him, but maybe, just maybe, the older had gone back, already. At the prospect of Kyungsoo being back home, Jongin jolts up from the couch. 

After Sehun had left the apartment, Jongin follows minutes after, in a rush. He runs in the direction of Kyungsoo's apartment, avoiding head on collisions with the people on the streets. He dodges the cars speeding up when the traffic light turns green because Jongin just can't wait for the pedestrian walking sign to turn the same color. He continues running, without taking a single break for air. He doesn't stop moving until his legs have finally brought him to the front door of Kyungsoo's apartment. 

***

 

The sky is blue and there's not a cloud in sight. The gentle breeze that rolls by carries with it the slight scent of the cherry blossoms in full bloom. All in all, it seems like a beautiful day. 

Sehun crosses the street and makes his way to a nearby park and takes a seat at one of the vacant benches. The fresh air indeed having done him some good. He isn't as hot headed as he was a mere few minutes ago. In fact, now that he thinks about it, he can't believe he let himself blow up like that. He hadn't meant to tell Jongin about Kyungsoo's feelings for him. It wasn't his secret to tell. 

The scream of joy from children can be heard a distance away. Sehun lifts his head up and sees two small children running with a small red balloon. He watches as they run towards their parents. Together, all four seem like a very happy family. All smiles. It's now that Sehun notices the rest of the people in the park. There are other families with their sons and daughters just like the previous one. There are also a few couples here and there walking hand in hand. The one thing they all have in common? They all have smiles on their faces. They are all filled with genuine happiness.

Sehun sighs. He can feel his cellphone in his pocket. He doesn't know if it's just him, but he swears the phone feels a lot heavier than it should. He reaches into his pocket and pulls the phone out. He dials Kyungsoo's number.

“Hello?”

“Where are you?”

“I'm still at my apartment, why? Is something wrong? You don't sound so good.”

No doubt Sehun's voice is threatening to give him away. Of course he isn't alright, but that doesn't matter right now. What matters right now is Kyungsoo.

“Jongin is on his way back. You should probably leave now, if you don't want to bump into him.”

“W-what?! Now? What time did he leave your place?”

Sehun will move one. He knows he will. He can. Somehow, telling Jongin that he liked Kyungsoo, made him feel a lot lighter. Maybe, all he needed was to just tell someone. Anyone, who would listen.

“I don't know. You should just leave, now.”

“Wait, but, Sehun you don't sound alright. Do you want to meet up? Maybe-”

Sehun feels kind of guilty hearing Kyungsoo worry for him when all this time, truth be told, Sehun had secretly been wishing that Jongin had never come back home. Regardless of Kyungsoo and Luhan, Sehun just really wanted for Kyungsoo to look at him. If only just once. Sehun had spent his time telling Kyungsoo about Jongin's hook ups overseas, whenever Jongin called him up. He hoped that one day Kyungsoo would move on and look at someone else. Maybe him? How could he be so selfish. This was probably karma getting back at him for not being a good friend to Kyungsoo. What had kyungsoo ever done to him besides be there for him when he needed someone. Kyungsoo had helped him when his heart ached over losing Junmyeon, but how did Sehun repay him? By inflicting more pain on Kyungsoo by airing out all of Jongin's promiscuous outings while he was abroad. He didn't deserve a friend like Kyungsoo.

“No, Kyungsoo. I'm fine. I just...I need time alone.”

“Are you sure? If you need someone to talk to. I'm here, you know.”

Sehun lets out a weak laugh.

“Yeah, hyung. I know.”

“Okay, then. I guess I'll go now. Bye.”

“Wait!”

“Yeah?”

Sehun swallows the lump in his throat and takes a deep breath before continuing. 

“Thank you.”

“Thank you? For what?”

Sehun bites his bottom lip and looks up at the clear blue sky. A single white cloud, that Sehun hadn't noticed, moves over a bit and hovers over him. The shade darkens the bench where Sehun is sitting. Looking around, it looks like the shade only reaches around the bench, while everyone else at the park is walking around, enjoying their day, under the sunlight.

“Thank you for being my friend.”

There's a pause on Kyungsoo's end.

“Of course! You know I'll always be there for you. Which is why I want to make sure you're okay. Are you sure you're alright?”

Sehun can imagine the sincere smile on Kyungsoo's face right this moment. There's nothing that tells him Kyungsoo means anything other than what he has said. To Kyungsoo, Sehun will always be just a friend. Sehun's eyes start to burn with the tears starting to form. It's getting more and more difficult to hold back the tears as the phone call drags on. 

“I'm fine, hyung. Just glad that I met you. You should go, before Jongin gets back. I'll talk to you later.”

The phone call ends and a few tears have managed to escape down Sehun's face. Sehun wipes them away quickly, when the shade that had surrounded him disappears and the returning sunlight threatens to expose the fact that he had been crying. The wind picks up again and Sehun can smell the cherry blossoms, once again. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He stays like this for a few seconds, only being able to hear the laughter of playing children and the whispers of 'I love you' from the young couples. He leans back onto the bench and opens his eyes again. It had been such a long winter that it almost seemed like there would be no end to the cold. No end to the amount of barren tree branches. However, now that spring had arrived the park looked alive and well again. It was once again filled with bright colors and laughter. A soft smile appears on Sehun's face. It really is a beautiful day, today.


	9. Wait A While

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was tired of having these one-sided feelings for someone he knows damn well won't return the same feelings. Kyungsoo is tired of putting up a front, but at the same time, doesn't have the courage to come out and admit his true feelings. Kyungsoo thought he was over it. He thought he had succeeded in forgetting Jongin. What a fool Kyungsoo had been to just assume that he could get rid of his love for Jongin in a such a small amount of time.

Tired brown eyes flutter open and close, in an attempt to adjust to the feeling of being awake. He is a bit disoriented so, a sense of panic and confusion quickly begins to set in as Kyungsoo gazes up, down, left and right. He's in a room, but this is not his room. His eyes travel down to the bed sheets. These are not his sheets. This is not his bed. Kyungsoo bolts up into a sitting position, completely alert and awake, now. He seems not to be able to instantly recall how he got to this place. He moves around trying to spot the familiar outline of his cellphone. Patting through the sheets, he finally finds his phone and begins to dial Baekhyun's number. About halfway through dialing his friend's number, Kyungsoo remembers that they had gone out to the club, last night, together. 

He remembers Sehun and how drunk the blonde had gotten, that he had to be taken home by Baekhyun...and...Chanyeol? Kyungsoo shakes his head in confusion. Chanyeol was there, too? Kyungsoo thinks harder about last night, brow starting to furrow, and does indeed recall having seen his co-worker there. 

Kyungsoo continues dialing Baekhyun's number, because he still doesn't know exactly where he is and an anxious feeling is starting to spread all throughout his body. He is about to press the call button, when an image of Jongin's face flashes through his mind. Right. He most definitely remembers Kim Jongin. Kyungsoo's small, fair, fingers press down lightly on his lips at the reminder of what had happened between him and Jongin, last night. His whole body heats up as he remembers. He can still feel the way Jongin's lips felt against his own. So soft. So warm.

He remembers lips parting and wandering hands, exploring untouched and undiscovered territory. Unknowingly, a small smile creeps onto Kyungsoo's face. However, the more he thinks about the events that occurred last night, the more confused he gets. We kissed and then...and then...then what? 

A frown situates itself on Kyungsoo's face as he tries to figure out what happened after. Kyungsoo is startled from his daze at the sound of a soft knock at the door to the room he is in. He bites his lower lip when he realizes he hadn't even noticed that the door was there to begin with. Kyungsoo stiffens as he doesn't know whether he should say something to let, whoever is on the other side of the door, know that he is in there, or just stay quiet and pray that the stranger just walks away. He grips the bed sheets in a tight fist as he glances around the room for a place to hide. Kyungsoo's head turns from to side to side until his gaze lands on a closet door. It's a bit cliché, but he's too scared to care. 

“Kyungsoo, are you awake?”

Just as Kyungsoo had gotten up from the bed and was about to make a dash to the closet, he stops. He knows that voice and most importantly, he knows the owner of that voice. His whole body immediately relaxes and he sits back down onto the bed. He watches as the knob on the door slowly starts to turn. The door opens just enough for someone to be able to stick their head through. Kyungsoo watches as a head of messy blonde hair appears. A small sigh of relief escapes him, alerting the blonde to him being awake. Kyungsoo gives Luhan a small smile. Luhan smiles back and makes his way into the room and sits down on the bed next to Kyungsoo. There's concern written all over his face.

“Are you ok? How are you feeling? Better?”

The dark haired man finds it odd that Luhan is asking him whether if he is okay or not. Kyungsoo can't recall why he wouldn't be alright. His eyes do feel a bit swollen and puffy, though. Did I cry?

“Uhm, Yeah. I think so. I mean...why would I not-”

Now, memory can be a very fickle thing. Someone can stop being able to recall things because of old age. Other people sometimes have a lot of things on their mind that many other things tend to get forgotten in the process. Sometimes people go through a very dramatic event in their lives that can leave them in shock. In turn, hindering their ability to keep memories. When we want to recall something important, our memories sometimes let us down. However, they do have a knack for resurfacing at the most unexpected of times. Like now, for instance. The moment Kyungsoo finished his sentence, assuring Luhan that he was completely fine, it was like a dam to his subconscious had been completely destroyed. The memories of last night begin to flood his mind. 

He remembered, now. He remembered that while kissing Jongin, in a moment of lucidity, he had pushed the younger away from him. Kyungsoo knew, somewhere deep in his mind, that he couldn't let whatever was going on with him and Jongin, escalate. He had a gut feeling that the kiss should not have happened in the first place. Not with the way their friendship had been going. 

In an instance where the human body is under extreme duress, the person has two options. Fight or flight. It is the most basic instinct of human survival. In this instance, Kyungsoo chose flight. He couldn't confront Jongin, in that moment. There was no way. Not when Kyungsoo wanted that kiss to happen with every fiber of his being. Mind you, that all thought and reasoning was thrown out the window the moment his lips met Jongin's. It was all Kyungsoo's primal desire that drove him. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold his own against Jongin after that kiss. All his senses were alive and working overdrive. All he wanted was to have Jongin back in his arms. He could still feel Jongin's warmth lingering on him as he pushed the younger away. Kyungsoo couldn't think straight. All he wanted was to have that warmth back. Having Jongin so close to him and then thinking about the fact that they would end up going home together because they lived together, was too much. Kyungsoo had to go. 

He took one last look at Jongin. Jongin seemed to sense that the older was about to leave because, just then, the younger's eyes widen in panic. Kyungsoo could see how Jongin pleaded and begged with his eyes, for him not to leave. With a shake of his head, Kyungsoo utters the only words that he could think of.

“I'm sorry.”

Then, he left. 

He left Jongin inside the club, while he got into the car, that Jongdae had left in his care, and drove off. Kyungsoo remembers how he didn't know where to go. He remembers just getting into the car with an undeniable need to get as far away from the club as possible. He remembers thinking that going to Sehun's would be good, until he recalls that the tall blonde had gotten drunk and was taken home by Baekhyun and Chanyeol. He thought of going to Baekhyun's, but, again, his eyeliner wearing friend was probably going to be with Chanyeol. Kyungsoo didn't want to interrupt whatever Baekhyun had up his sleeve, to get Chanyeol to go out with him. Junmyeon was out of the question, because well, he was in Paris with Jongdae. So, no luck there. Kyungsoo had come to the bleak conclusion that he had no place to go. 

At a red stop light, Kyungsoo's breathing starts to get choppy and he panics even more when the thought that he may go through another panic attack, crosses his mind. A cold sweat breaks out on his forehead and his grip tightens on the steering wheel as he tries to calm himself and force himself to take deep breaths. He can feel his heart beating hard and fast against his chest, as if wanting to jump out.   
Kyungsoo hears his phone beep, alerting him to a new text message. He glances towards his phone and finds that the message is from a familiar blonde. Next thing Kyungsoo knows, he was standing at Luhan's front door.

It's now, that Kyungsoo remembers how he got to Luhan's place. He remembers how shaken up he was and how much of an utter wreck he must've appeared to Luhan. Kyungsoo had told Luhan everything. He told Luhan about what happened at the club, about what happened earlier that day, and about his still lingering feelings for Jongin, that he just couldn't completely shake off. He remembers telling Luhan about his frustration on why he let Jongin kiss him, when he knows he shouldn't have. His frustration about not knowing why Jongin even initiated the kiss anyway. Kyungsoo blames himself for having let the situation get that far. 

Luhan had noticed Kyungsoo had gotten a far away look to him. The blonde figured that Kyungsoo was recalling what had happened last night, but considering Kyungsoo had experienced going through a panic attack before, Luhan was beginning to worry that it was going to happen again. Kyungsoo hadn't looked alright last night. On the contrary, Kyungsoo had started to hyperventilate while he started rambling on about what happened at the club. The smaller man was completely wrecked and emotional. So much so, that he had cried himself to sleep.   
Luhan bites the inside of his cheek as he scans Kyungsoo's face and notices that the younger's eyes had started to glisten with tears.

While Kyungsoo begins to drown in his self-blame and pity, Luhan instinctively wraps his arms around the smaller man. The blonde couldn't stand watching Kyungsoo cry. It hurt his heart to watch the other male in pain. 

Kyungsoo hadn't even realized, but tears had begun to form in his eyes and were now tracing hot, stinging lines down his cheeks. Remembering eveything, right now, was stirring up all the feelings he had tried to keep locked away. There were too many emotions engulfing him and Kyungsoo didn't know how to handle it. It felt like he was drowning. 

Luhan tightens his hold on Kyungsoo, when the younger starts shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. Luhan's hand rubs Kyungsoo's back up and down in a soothing manner. The blonde whispers assurances of:

“It's okay.”

“I'm here.”

He starts muttering pleas of:

“Please, don't cry.”

Kyungsoo grips at the back of Luhan's shirt and hides his face in the crook of the other's neck. He closes his eyes to the world and lets himself fall apart. 

***

A stilling and serene atmosphere settles itself inside Luhan's apartment. Both Kyungsoo and Luhan find themselves sitting at the dining table with cups full of hot tea in hand. Soft white vapor emanates from the tea, dissipating into the air. The morning sun rays shine through the windows from the kitchen and living room. Light bounces off of the white walls in the house, illuminating the whole place making the room seem bigger than it really is. It's a quiet morning, for the most part. Only the sound of sipping and swallowing of tea coming from the two males, is heard. 

“Have you decided what you're going to do?”

Seconds pass while Kyungsoo brings the cup of hot tea to his lips. He swallows before setting the cup back down. With a shaky breath he answers.

“Yes.”

“What are you going to do? Are you going to take me up on my offer?”

Kyungsoo rub his hands over his face. He's exhausted. All the crying from before having drained him of his energy. Previously happy and curious eyes having become sad and tired. Kyungsoo can feel the continuous stinging in his eyes. He doesn't need to look in a mirror to know that his eyes are probably red rimmed and puffy. Even so, Kyungsoo gives a weak smile and nods.

“I'll have to go to my place and pack a few things, though.”

***

Kyungsoo is tired. He doesn't know how many hours he had spent crying. All he knows is that he feels drained and his face feels swollen as fuck. Nonetheless, he pulls himself together, long enough to go back to his apartment. He isn't as nervous or tense as he should be, considering the fact that he got Sehun to call Jongin and lure the roommate out of the apartment while Kyungsoo went back and got a few of his things. The deafening quietness that welcomes Kyungsoo is the indicator that Sehun had succeeded and Jongin was not there. Kyungsoo knows that avoiding Jongin through this method is downright childish and stupid. He knows. He just can't seem to force himself to appear before Jongin. At least, not right now. 

The older makes his way to his room and starts rummaging through his closet for a suit case. It seemed that Kyungsoo had made the decision to stay at Luhan's for a while. He had come to the conclusion that he needed time and space by himself to think. 

Of course, 'by himself', he meant away from Jongin. If Kyungsoo wanted to figure out a way to approach the younger after what happened last night, he had to get away. If he wanted to salvage any remnants of whatever relationship he had with Jongin, because if Kyungsoo were to be honest, both him and Jongin had started out as friends. Before his feelings had developed into something felt for someone as more than a friend...before those feelings had gotten in the way, Jongin had been a close friend he had kept dear to his heart.

Kyungsoo wasn't running. Far from it. He was done with that. He just needed time. All, Kyungsoo needed was a week, at most. He needed time to clear his mind. Time, to figure out his heart. 

A few shirts, jeans, and undergarments later, Kyungsoo thinks that he has everything he needs for a week's stay out of the apartment. He zips up the suitcase and then just stands there. In the middle of his room, Kyungsoo just stands. He looks around at his room, from his bed to the light blue paint of the walls; different from the rest of the apartment. Nostalgia hits Kyungsoo hard as he remembers the day he moved in. 

His family wasn't at all too happy that Kyungsoo had opted not to continue going to college after his first year. His mother being a well-known prosecutor and his father a renowned doctor. A lot of people had expected their son to follow in either of his parent's footsteps. A lot of things were expected from the son of this dynamic duo. So, imagine everyone's surprise when Kyungsoo, one day, declared that he didn't want to go to college anymore. Kyungsoo didn't know what exactly he wanted to do for the rest of his life. At the time, it had only been a year since he had graduated from High School. 

Kyungsoo smiles at the memory of his parents yelling and demanding an explanation for why he had dropped out of college. He can't forget the feeling of being nineteen and all these adults asking-no-demanding of him to choose a career he wanted to do for the rest of his life. He was only nineteen. How was he supposed to know? He had excelled in all his school subjects. There was nothing he was bad at. That fact only made his decision to choose something to study a lot more difficult. Unless you count physical education. Yeah, that he wasn't so good at. 

Even though, his parents were against the idea of him leaving college, at first, they seemed to come around later on. They let Kyungsoo move out on his own, giving him a good sum of money to get him started. Of course, the money was only a one time thing. Kyungsoo's parents had been very clear when they told their son, that once the money ran out, if Kyungsoo still wanted to live outside of home and not pursue his studies, he would have to find a way to make ends meet on his own. Kyungsoo being the well-prepared person that he is, decided that he wasn't going to wait until the money ran out. He started looking for a job the moment he moved out of his parent's home. The money from the cafe was enough for him to be able to buy the basic necessities like food, clothes and toiletries, but thinking about it now, however, Kyungsoo is reminded that he doesn't have very much of the money, his parents had given him, left. Most of it having gone into the rent for the apartment and the bills. Kyungsoo had succeeded in making the money last a good four years, though. Unfortunately, it was only a matter of time before he would have to decide if he would go back to school or not. 

Kyungsoo sighs. 

“If only deciding whether to go back to school or not was my biggest worry...”

How did it get to this? Kyungsoo wonders. He starts laughing a bit when his eyes land on his desk at the corner of his room, next to his bed. He remembers what Baekhyun had suggested to help move on from Jongin. He had written so many letters to the younger. Without much conscious thought, Kyungsoo starts moving towards his desk. Like clockwork, having done this so many times before, he takes a seat at his desk and pulls out a blank piece of paper from one of the drawers. He turns on his desk lamp. One last letter. It's time I moved on from this. It's time to tell the truth. With a pen in hand Kyungsoo starts writing.

He doesn't know how much time he has spent writing. All he knows is his hand is starting to cramp, but he doesn't let that fact deter him. He needed to finish this. He had to. Kyungsoo writes the last word of the letter and sets the pen down, finally. He doesn't have much time to relax his hand before his phone is ringing, making him almost fly out of his chair in surprise. He recovers from the initial shock and digs the phone out his pocket.

“Hello?”

“Where are you?”

“I'm still at my apartment, why? Is something wrong? You don't sound so good.”

Kyungsoo can hear Sehun on the other side breathing heavily. The younger's voice sounding a bit strained as well.

“Jongin is on his way back. You should probably leave now, if you don't want to bump into him.”

“W-what?! Now? What time did he leave your place?”

Sehun sighs.

“I don't know. You should just leave, now.”

“Wait, but, Sehun you don't sound alright. Do you want to meet up? Maybe-”

“No, Kyungsoo. I'm fine. I just...I need time alone.”

“Are you sure? If you need someone to talk to. I'm here, you know.”

Sehun lets out a weak laugh.

“Yeah, hyung. I know.”

“Okay, then. I guess I'll go now. Bye.”

“Wait!”

“Yeah?”

On the other side of the phone call, Sehun swallows. He takes a deep breath before continuing.

“Thank you.”

“Thank you? For what?”

There's a pause. Kyungsoo can only hear Sehun's soft breathing through the phone.

“Thank you for being my friend.”

Kyungsoo lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He was kind of expecting Sehun to have some bad news for him r something. He smiles.

“Of course! You know I'll always be there for you. Which is why I want to make sure you're okay. Are you sure you're alright?”

“I'm fine, hyung. Just glad that I met you. You should go, before Jongin gets back. I'll talk to you later.”

Kyungsoo doesn't get a chance to say good bye, with Sehun having abruptly ended the phone call. Kyungsoo finds it weird, but doesn't dwell too much on it, when he considers the fact that Jongin is on his way back to the apartment and he is still there. He figures he can call Sehun later. He quickly rises from his chair, leaving the letter on his desk along with leaving the desk lamp on. He quickly scans his room making sure he isn't forgetting anything. When he feels that he has everything his dashes out if his room. He is about to close the door to his room, but thinks twice about. In the end he decides to leave the door, to his room, slightly ajar and makes his way to the front door.


	10. Here Is One More Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was tired of having these one-sided feelings for someone he knows damn well won't return the same feelings. Kyungsoo is tired of putting up a front, but at the same time, doesn't have the courage to come out and admit his true feelings. Kyungsoo thought he was over it. He thought he had succeeded in forgetting Jongin. What a fool Kyungsoo had been to just assume that he could get rid of his love for Jongin in a such a small amount of time.

When Jongin enters the apartment, it's quiet. He looks around to find that there isn't a single sign of life anywhere in the room. His shoulders sink down in disappointment, because whether he will admit it or not, he was expecting Kyungsoo to have come back home by now. Of course, he knew that Kyungsoo might want to avoid him for a while, but a guy can dream. Right?

His feet drag against the floor as he makes his way in and the front door shuts close behind him. The apartment is dark, except for the small rays of light filtering in through the window in the living room. A sarcastic 'hmph' escapes Jongin's lips, because, in a way, the apartment has somehow transformed into the physical representation of what he's feeling. Alone, dark, and empty.

Jongin walks towards his room, deciding that lying down and drowning in his sorrow is the only thing he can do at this point. He tried texting and calling Kyungsoo, but the older didn't seem to want to respond or pick up. He called Baekhyun, but he didn't know where Kyungsoo was, either. Although, Jongin suspected that Baekhyun was lying because how could Kyungsoo's best friend not know? Again, Jongin figured Kyungsoo was trying to keep his distance from him, so he let that go. 

He also thought about asking Sehun, but after the argument they just had, Jongin reasoned it was better to just let his friend be. Jongin bangs his head on the door of his room, not yet having entered and berates himself for not having seen the signs. Sehun used to call a lot when he was still abroad and he should've noticed the way Sehun began to talk more and more about Kyungsoo. He bangs his head one more time because maybe that way all the dense and stupid will miraculously seep out of his brain and allow him to be more sensitive to the things going on around him. He probably could've picked up on Kyungsoo's feelings, as well. Looking back on it, he should've probably paid more attention to the people around him, then let himself be consumed by his own problems. Maybe then, things with Kyungsoo and, now, Sehun, wouldn't have gotten so messed up.

Jongin lets his head rest on the door to his room a little while longer. Out of pure longing, he turns his head to the direction of Kyungsoo's room; his gaze lands on the slightly opened door. It seems he really has missed Kyungsoo a lot. The uncontrollable need to speak to the older and make things right, somehow makes it seem like more time has passed. Even though, it has only been less than 24 hours since he last saw Kyungsoo. Jongin thinks he's going crazy because it's as if he can actually see the way the light from Kyungsoo's room peeks out through the slightly opened door. He sighs. He misses Kyungsoo so much, that now, he is even imagining that Kyungsoo is actually in his room and not...wherever it is that the older decided to go. Jongin closes his eyes, expecting that when he opens them again, the workings of his imagination would have disappeared and once again there would be nothing but a closed door. When he opens his eyes, however, the light from the room is still there. The door to Kyungsoo's room is still open. 

Jongin lifts his head, walking away from the door to his room and starts making his way to Kyungsoo's. It isn't his mind playing tricks on him. The door to Kyungsoo's room really is open and light really is coming from the inside. Jongin's heartbeat picks up at the possibility that Kyungsoo might actually be in his room, right this moment. He opens the door the rest of the way and and takes a few steps into Kyungsoo's room. His heart falters when he first notices the bed and its undisturbed state. His gaze then travels to the source of the light which turns out to be the desk lamp on Kyungsoo's desk. A deflated look appears on Jongin's face as he realizes that Kyungsoo isn't there. At least, not anymore. He looks around a bit more, because he is sure that the desk lamp was not on, when he left this morning. 

He notices several of the drawers on Kyungsoo's dresser are half-way opened and others are semi-closed. The doors to the closet are also opened and when Jongin walks closer to investigate he finds that something big seems to be missing from the top shelf. The more that Jongin looks around the more he notices that most of the important things that Kyungsoo uses are missing. Things like the older's cell-phone charger, laptop, shirts, shoes. All in all, it seems like the older came by just to pack some of his belongings in the time that Jongin wasn't there. 

Jongin drops down on the edge of Kyungsoo's bed and hides his face in his hands, letting a groan escape him. He can't really blame Kyungsoo if the older decided to stay out of the apartment for a few days. If what Sehun had told him was really true, then the kiss last night really must've troubled Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo's absence can only be traced back to that fact and it pains Jongin more to realize that he is the cause for driving Kyungsoo away.

Jongin raises his head and turns towards the desk. He rises from his spot and walks over to turn off the lamp. His arm stops about halfway, however, when a piece of paper with some writing on it, catches his attention. If the 'Dear Jongin' at the top of the page didn't give it away, the handwriting sure had to. Jongin would recognize it anywhere. The piece of paper appeared to be a handwritten letter from Kyungsoo, addressed to him. Jongin takes the paper into hand and situates himself on the chair next to the desk. He stares at the piece of paper for a good while. Glancing around the room he recounts all the stuff that's missing and turns back to look at the letter. Maybe, Kyungsoo wrote this and left it behind for me to read? Curiosity getting the better of him, he begins to read.

"Dear Jongin,

Where to start...  
If you're reading this then you're probably in my room, right this moment. I don't know if that means you have been waiting and expecting me to come home or something and you just decided to check whether I was in my room or not. I don't know. However, if that is the case, honestly, I don't really know how to feel about that. I do know that I wouldn't feel so great to hear that you weren't waiting and looking for me. At the same time, it's not like I am expecting you to be waiting for me. Does that make sense? No. I don't think it does. 

There's a lot of things I want to say, I just can't seem to find the right words. I promise that we will talk about what happened last night. I mean, we have to. We can't just leave things the way they are.

I'll be gone, for a week, at most. Don't panic, though. I need time, Jongin. That's all. With my current state of mind, I doubt that I will be able to say all the things that need to be said.

In fact, there are so many things that you should know. That I should've already told you. There are many things that I should've said to you, so many years ago. I should've told you how I felt about you. I shouldn't have kept those feelings hidden for so long. I shouldn't have just stood by, on the sidelines, wishing and hoping that one day you would look at me and think of me as more than just a friend. I should've just told you. Maybe then, I wouldn't have hurt so much.

I spent so many years contemplating the 'what ifs', that somewhere along the way I forgot how to live my life. Gradually, I stopped acting like myself. To be honest, now that I think about it, I sort of lost myself. The 'what ifs', with you, were suddenly the only thing I thought about, day in and day out.   
What if...

You going abroad and completely cutting off contact with me, so suddenly, didn't help. I thought that, at least, if I couldn't have you as a lover or whatever, then staying as friends was okay. It would be okay because you would still be in my life. However, you stopped speaking to me. I'm still a little confused as to the 'why' of it all. Why did you just suddenly stop replying to my texts? You still responded to Sehun. Why couldn't you respond to me? You just completely set me aside. You didn't give me an explanation you just...you just ignored me...as if I wasn't anyone important. Do you know how horrible that made me feel? Of course you don't. How could you, possibly? It's not like I ever said anything, either.

I'm not really sure why you kissed me, last night. I'm sure you, yourself, are questioning why you kissed me, as well. Or not. I don't know. How could I pretend to know what is that you're thinking? 

Anyway, questions like this...I think we'll be able to clear them up when we talk and meet face to face. I do think that we need some time and space apart before that happens. At least, me. I need some time and space. I know a lot of what I'm saying...a lot of what you're reading, probably isn't making much sense right now. I ask that you please bear with me on this. I swear I will clear this all up the next time we see each other. Hopefully, by then, I will be able to speak to you...to tell you the truth, in a way that you will understand. 

I'll only be away for a week. So, I hope you can guard my place for the time being. Don't go and throw a wild party while I'm gone. You still owe me for that last thing you broke. Lord have mercy on you if I show up and my place is completely trashed :P

Don't worry too much about me. I'll be staying at a friend's house, so I'll be okay. You can stop calling and texting me, now. I'm fine. Please, don't try to look for me. Sehun knows where I am, but don't make him tell you. But then, why am I thinking that you would go to such great lengths to find me? Yeah, you probably don't care. Well maybe you do, sort of. Just know that I have a place to stay at and I'll call you in like a week or something. You're probably very confused as of right now, but that's ok. 

P.S. If you're interested, inside the bottom right hand drawer of my desk, where I assume you're sitting at, you'll find envelopes with your name written on them. Like this one, they're all letters that I had written for you. I wasn't going to send them ever. You weren't meant to read them, but things got...complicated. It was all something Baek suggested as a form of therapy or whatever. You'll understand if you read them. It would be best if you did read them. Of course, all the contents of these letters, I'm just going to repeat when we meet again, but if you want, you can read them now. I think it would be best if you knew some of the story from my point of view. Yeah, so, if you're up for it, the letters are there. Guess I'll see you in a few days. 

See you soon.  
-Kyungsoo"

Jongin stares at the letter in his hand. He has no idea what to feel. He really wanted to speak to Kyungsoo, now, and clear things up. Kyungsoo doesn't know that Jongin already knows about his feelings and to Jongin, all this time and space business seems really unnecessary. Jongin wants to fix things as soon as possible, but then there is this letter, that Kyungsoo wrote, telling him that the older won't be back for a whole week. A letter telling him how much the older hurt when he stopped talking to him. A letter telling him how confused Kyungsoo is or was when they kissed. 

Jongin doubles in on himself and rubs his face in frustration. He brings the letter back, close to his face and reads that last part again. A whole week. Where is he staying at, anyway?

He looks down to his right, to the bottom drawer of the desk. He reaches over, opens the drawer and sure enough, there they are. White envelopes with his name written across the front, in Kyungsoo's handwriting. Jongin pulls out all the envelopes and places them onto Kyungsoo's desk. There's quite a few of those white envelopes. He sinks back into the chair and just stares at them.. 

Written in those letters is everything Kyungsoo wanted to say to him, but didn't. In those letters, is all of the feelings that Kyungsoo suppressed and locked away. In those letters is the confession that Jongin should've heard from Kyungsoo and no one else. 

Jongin takes a deep breath and relaxes. Leaning forward he reaches for one of the envelopes and takes out the letter enclosed within. He unfolds the letter and begins by reading the same two familiar words from the previous letter:

"Dear Jongin... "


	11. Don't Look For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was tired of having these one-sided feelings for someone he knows damn well won't return the same feelings. Kyungsoo is tired of putting up a front, but at the same time, doesn't have the courage to come out and admit his true feelings. Kyungsoo thought he was over it. He thought he had succeeded in forgetting Jongin. What a fool Kyungsoo had been to just assume that he could get rid of his love for Jongin in a such a small amount of time.

“Yes, can I get a double shot iced americano and a low fat soy milk caramel latte with no whipped cream?”

“Ah, yes. Coming right up.”

Chanyeol gives the customer his best 'happy employee' smile as he takes the money for the order. He is really trying very hard to get through this lunch rush by himself, because Kyungsoo is nowhere to be found. He can already feel the corner of his eyebrow twitching as he starts on making the...

Low fat soy milk...what was it again?

The giant groans in frustration and has to really hold himself back from screaming because who the hell thought it was a good idea to allow customers to place complex as fuck coffee orders when the barista of this establishment has gone missing?! Not that Chanyeol doesn't know how to make the drinks, but Kyungsoo only taught him so much before he up and disappeared. Suffice to say, that Chanyeol still hasn't been taught the most complex of the complex coffee drinks this cafe has to offer.

“Hey! Can you get our order over here?”

Chanyeol looks up to see that three more people have walked into the cafe and are now waiting impatiently at the register waiting to get their orders taken. 

“Yes, of course. I will be right there. Could give just one moment, thank you.”

He turns back to create the order from hell, and utterly gives up when he puts on the whipped cream at the top and the customer has to remind him that, in fact, they had specifically asked for no whipped cream.

~God damn it! Fuck!~

“Oh I am so sorry. I'll take that back and make you another.”

~You're a dude what the fuck are you doing ordering a low fat skinny frappe...uuuggghhhh what the hell was the order again?~

“Excuse me! Are you going to take our order or not?”

“Is my drink ready?”

“Could you please take my order? I have somewhere to be.”

There are so many people and a whole multitude of voices resonating from left and right. Chanyeol's grip on the coffee cup tightens. For a moment, he believes he might actually be going insane. His head keeps turning from side to side as he tries to assure everyone that he will get their orders soon, but in all honesty, Chanyeol just really wants to tell everyone to leave and never come back. The stress of the lunch rush, really being too much for one lonely man to handle. If one more 'Is my order ready?' is asked Chanyeol doesn't think he will be held responsible for his actions. He is ready to take someone down.

The bell at the front double doors of the cafe jingle and Chanyeol can feel himself die a little inside. More customers is definitely not what he needed at this moment. 

“Hey, Chanyeol. How's it going?”

Chanyeol looks up to see that the person who has walked is none other than Byun Baekhyun. He is about to give the other man an answer when a customer who has already ordered starts asking about where her drink is.

“I really have to be somewhere in ten minutes. Can you please hurry up with my drink?”

“I'm sorry. Yes, I'll get on that right away.”

He turns back to see Baekhyun giving him a questioning look.

“Bad time?”

“You have no idea.”

“Excuse me! Can you take my order?”

Chanyeol takes a deep breath to compose himself and be able to speak nicely to the customer instead of biting his head off. His gaze shifts back to the waiting customer.

“Yes, I will take your order, as soon as I am done with this other customer's drink. Please bear with me.”

Chanyeol walks towards the coffee maker's area and tries to pretend that he didn't just hear the customer call him and 'incompetent employee'. Yes, Chanyeol is ready to take someone down. 

“Here you go. I'm sorry for making you wait.”

The customer leaves without so much as a thank you. Chanyeol things that a rude customer is the least of his problems when he turns to find that there are angry looking customers still waiting for their drinks. Maybe it's all the pressure and the yelling, but something finally cracks within Chanyeol and he has half a mind to tell all these people to piss off. He opens his mouth to say something, but a small hand on his forearm pulls him back slightly and he turns to find that Baekhyun is standing next to him. 

“I'm sorry about the wait. We seem to be a little shorthanded today, but don't worry. I'll get started on all your drinks and you can be on your way.”

Chanyeol gawks at Baekhyun as the smaller man tells him to 'go man the register' and that he will take care of the drinks. Chanyeol doesn't say anything because at the speed Baekhyun is creating those drinks, anyone would think that this man has spent his entire life working in a cafe. The lunch hour passes by smoothly after Baekhyun has taken over the role of barista and before Chanyeol knows it, there are no more customers walking in and the customers who had walked in, leave happy, with their coffee drinks in hand. The tall man breathes a sigh of relief and as soon as he finishes wiping down the front counter, he walks to one of the empty tables with Baekhyun following right after. 

“Well, that was chaotic.”

Chanyeol sinks back into his seat and groans.

“Fuck yea, it was.”

He glances up at Baekhyun.

“Thank you, for helping me.”

A mischievous grin appears on Baekhyun's face.

“Of course. Besides, I already know how you can repay the favor.”

“Wait. Repay?”

Baekhyun nods.

“So, you didn't just help me out of the kindness of your heart?”

“Nope. Well, not completely at least.”

Chanyeol watches the way Baekhyun leans forward on the table and rests his chin and one of his small delicate looking hands. His heartbeat grows faster with the sweet smile Baekhyun is giving him. Chanyeol straightens up in his chair and folds his hands together on top of the table. He swallows. ~Damn. He is so beautiful.~

“So, what do you want?”

Baekhyun shrugs.

“Nothing complicated. Just go out with me.”

Chanyeol's eyes widen in surprise.

“W-What? Like-Like a date?”

Baekhyun nods again and covers Chanyeol's folded hands with his. He can hear as Chanyeol sucks in a breath at the sudden skin on skin contact. Baekhyun smiles to himself.

“Don't worry. You don't have to give me an answer, now.”

Baekhyun retreats his hand and leans back into his chair, completely eradicating the close distance with Chanyeol.

“Actually, the reason I came by is because I'm looking for Kyungsoo.”

Chanyeol's ears perk up at his manager's name. He scoffs. 

“Beats me. He left me all alone to deal with the cafe today. He didn't even-”

Rriiinnnggg. Rriiinnnggg. Rriiinnnggg.

“...call.”

Rriiinnnggg.

Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol.

“Aren't you going to answer that? That's probably Kyungsoo.”

“Oh yeah? How would you know?”

“Please. Kyungsoo isn't the type to just not show up for work without a reason or not letting anyone know. He was bound to call at some point.”

A kick to his chair prompts Chanyeol to get up and get the phone.

“Answer it!”

Chanyeol glances at a cross armed Baekhyun.

“You're so bossy.”

“I know, but you like me like this. Now go answer the phone.”

The taller man grows beat red when Baekhyun sends him a wink. He turns away, shyly and gets up to answer the phone.

“Hello-”

“Hey, Chanyeol. It's me, Kyungsoo. Sorry I'm only calling, just now.”

“Oh, hey! Yeah, no worries. I mean you only left me to get through the lunch rush by myself. It's no big deal, really.”

Kyungsoo's low laugh is heard on the other side, in response to Chanyeol's sarcastic reply. The taller man, however, rather than feeling angry at Kyungsoo for leaving him stranded at work, feels more relieved to hear that Kyungsoo sounds alright. In the small time that he had been working with Kyungsoo, Chanyeol had come to know that Kyungsoo was an exemplary employee. He was always on time for work, even is he was hungover, and he was always good with the customers. Kyungsoo's coffee creations were always complimented by anyone who walked in. So, even though Chanyeol didn't voice his worries, to him it did seem kind of odd, that Kyungsoo hadn't come in for work that morning. 

“Sorry about that, Chan. Yeah, I wasn't planning on not showing up, either. It's just...”

Kyungsoo sighs.

“...something...unexpected came up. Sorry, but I was calling in to tell you that I won't be at work for a week. I already called The Boss. He said he'll be coming in to help you out, so you won't manage the cafe on your own. I called to let you know.”

“You are going to be gone? For a week? What happened? Why are you taking a week off? Kyung-”

The phone is yanked out of Chanyeol's grip by a very pissed and worried Baekhyun. 

“What the hell do you mean you're taking a week off?!”

“Baek? What are you doing at the cafe?”

“Looking for you, genius? You haven't answered any of my calls or texts and now you're missing work? Why? Are you okay? What happened?”

“Okay, you know, I'm sorry I didn't answer your calls. I kind of just turned off my cellphone. I just need to get away from everything for a while.”

Baekhyun seems to grow impatient with Kyungsoo's explanation.

“Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?! Do you know how worried I was?!”

“Baek-”

“And you need to get away? Why? What is going on?”

Chanyeol tries to tell Baekhyun to calm down and stop asking so many questions. Maybe then, Kyungsoo would have an opportunity to speak. Baekhyun, however, wanting some answers and really being the his normal erratic self, pulls away and starts walking around the cafe, avoiding Chanyeol. 

“Baekhyun! There are still customers here! Stop running around.”

A customer gets up from his seat and bumps into Baekhyun while he was walking around, giving Chanyeol enough of a window to take the phone away from Baekhyun. He puts it to his ear while leaving Baekhyun to deal with the angry customer who has managed to drop his drink all over himself because of Baekhyun.

“Yeah? It's me, Chanyeol. Look I don't know why you need the week, but if The Boss already said yes, then it's cool with me. Don't worry about Baekhyun, I can take care of him. Just...”

Chanyeol reaches the front register.

“You're okay right? You're not hurt or anything?”

“No Chanyeol. I'm fine. Just think of this as some sort of vacation for me. It has been long overdue.”

Chanyeol nods to no one, but himself.

“Alright. So, I'll see you in a week, Boss.”

Kyungsoo groans on the other end.

“How many times have I told you not to call me that?”

Chanyeol laughs.

“Ah, okay. I got it. I'm gonna let you go now, Boss. Baekhyun is stomping his way over here. Bye!”

Baekhyun manages to get the phone from Chanyeol a little too late because when he puts the phone back to his ear, the only thing he hears is silence. He turns to look at Chanyeol.

“What did he say? Is he okay? Why is he taking a week off?”

“Calm down, Baekhyun. He's fine. From what I could tell he is just fine.”

“How do you know?”

“Look I trust Kyungsoo and if he says he is fine then he is FINE. I'm sure if he needed help he would've asked us.”

This doesn't seem to calm Baekhyun completely, but it's a start. Chanyeol can already see the panic in Baekhyun's eyes diminishing. Before his very eyes Baekhyun becomes calm and collected, at least, that's how it appears on the outside. No doubt, the smaller man is dying of concern over his friend and internally freaking out over whether or not Kyungsoo is safe. Chanyeol carefully pulls Baekhyun by his arm and leads him to one of the tables and forces him to take a seat.

“I know you're worried about Kyungsoo, hell I am too, but if Kyungsoo was able to call and tell us that he is okay...I believe him. You should, too. I'm sure if something bad happened, he would've said something.”

Baekhyun pouts and crosses his arms in stubbornness as if he were a toddler who didn't get the toy that he wanted. Chanyeol thinks Baekhyun looks rather cute with that pout on his face, but doesn't dare say anything as to not risk Baekhyun yelling at him for thinking of such things while Kyungsoo is missing. The taller just settles for giving Baekhyun an assuring smile. 

The bell hanging on the front doors of the cafe jingles again, alerting Chanyeol that there's a new customer, so he leaves Baekhyun at the table and makes his way to the register. He hadn't turned to see who had entered until he began to ask the customer for his order.

“Can I get your order? Oh! Hey, Jongin. What's up?”

Jongin raises his hand and gives a small wave.

“I'm not actually here to order anything. I just stopped by because I wanted to see Kyungsoo.”

“Well, you and me, both. Kyungsoo just called five minutes ago saying that he isn't going to be in, for a week. Something about taking a vacation.”

Jongin's face falls as he hears this new information. He had been hoping that, even though Kyungsoo wasn't going to be staying at the apartment, that he would at least show up to work. Jongin thought he could catch Kyungsoo here and maybe, finally, they could talk.

“Did he say where he was going or where he is staying?”

Chanyeol looks at Jongin curiously.

“Uhm, no. He didn't, but don't you live with him? Shouldn't you know?”

Before Jongin even has a chance to come up with an excuse as to why he doesn't know about Kyungsoo's whereabouts, Baekhyun comes up next to him and turns him around by his arm.

“Chanyeol's right. You live with him. How come you don't know where he is?”

“I-I...you see-”

“Don't you dare try lying to me, Kim Jongin. I majored in psychology and I can read people and can tell when they're lying.”

Jongin sighs and doesn't even try to get out of this one. Not because he believes that Baekhyun is some kind of super lie detector, but because he has never been that great at lying, anyway. 

“Kyungsoo hasn't been home in two days.”

Baekhyun's eyes widen at this and Jongin continues to speak.

“All I know is that he said he wasn't going to be around for a week and that we shouldn't worry. He wouldn't tell me where he's staying or with who.”

Once Jongin utters the last word, there's silence. Partly, because Chanyeol is on alert while observing Baekhyun not saying anything and looking like he is ready to murder someone. With the way the small man is eyeing Jongin, Chanyeol is ready to intervene at any moment.

Baekhyun seems to be eerily calm and does nothing but breathe in and out as he looks Jongin up and down. He takes in the dark circles under Jongin's eyes and the disheveled hair.

“Jongin?”

“Yes.”

“You look tired. Have you not been getting enough sleep? Maybe you have something on your mind, that's been bothering you, lately?”

“What? Well, no-yes, sort of. W-What does this have to do with anything?”

Baekhyun tilts his head to the side, keeping his eyes trained on Jongin. He remembers that two days ago, the last time he saw Kyungsoo, they had gone to the club. He also remembers leaving early with Sehun and Chanyeol, leaving Kyungsoo and Jongin together, alone. Baekhyun narrows his eyes at Jongin. 

“When was the last time you saw Kyungsoo?”

“I already said that Kyungsoo hasn't been home for two days. Two days ago is the last time I saw him.”

“Uh-huh. Right.”

Jongin looks at Baekhyun incredulously.

“What? You don't believe me?”

“No. It's not that. It's just...”

Baekhyun takes a step towards Jongin. 

“It's just, two days ago, we went out to the club. Me, Chanyeol, and Sehun were there. As well as you and Kyungsoo. The difference is, me, Chanyeol, and Sehun, all left early and the only two left were you and Kyungsoo.”

Panic threatens to overtake Jongin as Baekhyun starts insinuating and perhaps putting the pieces of the events that happened, together. He hadn't wanted to tell Baekhyun any of what had occurred. He had read the letters Kyungsoo had left and he knew damn well what Baekhyun's part in this whole thing, was. If Baekhyun truly was Kyungsoo's best friend, Jongin figured that the one who harbored more negative feelings towards him was definitely Baekhyun.

“S-So, w-what are you saying?”

Baekhyun notices the stutter in Jongins voice and as he looks up and meets Jongin's gaze, he can already see the tell-tale signs of a person under duress. Eyes shifting side to side, pupils dialating. Oh yeah, Baekhyun knows Jongin is panicking.

“I'm just saying, that if Kyungsoo went missing two days ago and the last one who was with him, was you, then couldn't the reason why Kyungsoo decided to leave for a week, have something to do with you?”

Jongin swallows.

“W-why would you think that has anything to do with me?”

Jongin makes the bad choice of meeting Baekhyun's eyes and instantly freezes up. The man may look harmless, with his delicate features and small stature, but right now, he looks anything but. 

“Jongin.”

Baekhyun takes a step closer to Jongin. Jongin steps back.

“Stop.”

Baekhyun takes another step. Jongin steps back, one more time.

“Lying.”

Baekhyun takes another step making Jongin walk backwards into the front counter. The younger is cornered and has nowhere to run. Jongin licks his lips before opening his mouth.

“I-I-”

Baekhyun slams his hand hard on the counter behind the younger, startling both Jongin and Chanyeol. Luckily, the customers that were left in the cafe had long since left and the only people left were Chanyeol, Jongin, and Baekhyun.

“What did you do to Kyungsoo?”

Baekhyun looks directly at Jongin. No words are exchanged between the two. The smaller waiting for an answer and the other trying to come up with an answer that won't anger Baekhyun any further. 

While Baekhyun and Jongin are in their eye staring showdown, Chanyeol speaks up.

“Hey, why don't you two calm down a bit. We won't be able to figure out where Kyungsoo is if we keep fighting with each other. Baekhyun, why do you automatically think that Jongin has anything to do with Kyungsoo-”

“I don't think! I know! So, c'mon Jongin. Tell us. Why did Kyungsoo run away?”

“Baek-”

Baekhyun turns to face Chanyeol.

“Chanyeol. I know you mean well, but this isn't really any of your concern. Can you please, butt out?”

“Butt out? Are you freaking serious?! I don't know if you know this, but Jongin is my friend and you're kind of accusing him of having something to do with Kyungsoo having gone M.I.A. So, excuse me for standing up and trying to defend him.”

Baekhyun backs away from Jongin and turns around to face Chanyeol.

“Look, Chanyeol. I'm not telling you not to defend your friend, but you haven't been here long enough to know the whole story. So, unless you magically know what has gone down between Kyungsoo and Jongin these past few years, then I suggest you STAY OUT OF THIS.”

Shocked doesn't even begin to describe the way Chanyeol feels right this moment. It's a feeling between finding out that someone close to you, has lied to you and having something precious of yours, taken away. Chanyeol starts questioning how he could've misjudged someone so badly. He had thought that Baekhyun was kind, sweet, and just. Seeing Baekhyun like this, accusing Jongin before he knows the facts, just makes Chanyeol question what else he has misjudged about Baekhyun. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Nothing is wrong with me, Chanyeol. I know you're angry, but it's because you don't know and that's okay.”

Baekhyun turns away from Chanyeol and shifts his attention back to Jongin.

“So are you going to tell me or not?”

Jongin opens and closes his mouth not really knowing what to say. His eyes dart between a conflicted looking Chanyeol and a really pissed off looking Baekhyun. In the end he has no choice, but to admit defeat.

“I...you're right. It's my fault Kyungsoo is gone.”

Chanyeol turns to face Jongin, in shock, when he hears the younger admit to Baekhyun being right.

“I...that night at the club...we...I-”

Baekhyun grows increasingly impatient with Jongin's slow retelling of what happened between him and Kyungsoo that night.

“Just spit it out, Jongin.”

Jongin takes in a deep breath.

“I kissed Kyungsoo.”

Chanyeol goes from shocked to confused rather quickly. Jongin, however, notices the way Baekhyun only seems to grow even more furious upon hearing this new information. Yeah, it seemed Baekhyun really didn't like him.

“Before you say anything, I swear I didn't know how Kyungsoo felt. I didn't know. I feel so bad-”

Jongin doesn't get to finish that sentence. The moment Baekhyun heard what Jongin had done, he tuned everything else out. He took a few steps towards Jongin and punched the younger square in the face. 

“Kissed him? Are you fucking serious right now?! Do you have any idea what he has gone through, these past few years, because of you?”

Jongin wipes away some of the blood from his mouth. He hangs his head down, not daring to look at Baekhyun. He doesn't look up at Baekhyun, not because of fear, but more out of shame. Jongin couldn't face him. How could he? Baekhyun knew exactly what Kyungsoo had gone through. He witnessed Kyungsoo at his worst, while Jongin had been off overseas, dating all kinds of people, left and right, just to make himself feel better. Jongin doesn't even fight it when Baekhyun grabs him roughly by the collar and starts telling him off. 

“You are such a selfish prick! Did you think that just because you're back, that things would go back to normal?! That what you did, didn't mean anything and Kyungsoo would just go back and act the way he used to, when you were around?! What's wrong with you?!”

Chanyeol quickly runs around the counter and steps in between Baekhyun and Jongin. He struggles in pulling Baekhyun away from Jongin, but eventually succeeds.

“Baekhyun, calm down.”

“Calm down? Chanyeol do you have any idea what this jerk did?”

Baekhyun runs his hands through his hair in frustration. He can't do this. He can't be in the same room as Jongin right now. All he wants to do right now is just beat the shit out of the man who has managed to do wrong to his best friend. The man who single-handedly has managed to break his friend's heart into a million pieces. Without one last look at Jongin, Baekhyun storms out of the cafe. 

While Chanyeol is busy checking over Jongin, all he hears is the hard slam of the front doors of the cafe, closing. He turns his head in time to see a glimpse of Baekhyun's silhouette as the smaller starts walking away from the building. 

***

~A couple days later, at Luhan's place...~

“It's been five days, Kyungsoo. Don't you think it's time you went back and faced him?”

Kyungsoo sinks into the soft couch and tries to pretend like he didn't just hear Luhan tell him to go back.

“I know you heard me. The volume on the tv isn't that loud.”

As if to make a point, Kyungsoo raises his arms, with the tv remote in hand, and increases the volume on the tv.

Luhan shakes his head at Kyungsoo's childish behavior. It's not that he didn't like having Kyungsoo around, hell, he loves having the shorter man around. It wasn't everyday he would come back home and already have a full home cooked meal waiting for him. With Kyungsoo around, he had someone to talk to and his house didn't seem as empty and lonely anymore. Luhan liked having Kyungsoo around, but he knew that the smaller was only here to buy some time and stall before having to face his problems. It would only be a matter of time before Kyungsoo, left. 

The blonde walks over and sits himself next to Kyungsoo. He reaches over and pulls the tv remote out of Kyungsoo's grip. He shuts the tv off, earning an annoyed look from Kyungsoo. 

“Turn it back on! I want to see the show!”

“No.”

“Luhan~”

Kyungsoo whines.

“Please~”

“Not until you tell me when you plan on going back home. I mean I know you staying here was my idea, but don't you think five days is enough?”

“Do you hate me, being here so much? Is that it?”

“Believe me, that is not the case. I'm just worried. You're friends must be worried sick about you. You didn't even tell them where you were going.”

“I told Sehun.”

“That doesn't count. You made him swear not to tell anyone.”

Kyungsoo crosses his arms and puts on his best pouty face. Luhan looks at Kyungsoo uncaringly.

“You know that's not going to work.”

Kyungsoo doesn't falter.

“Oh really now? Puppy eyes? Really?”

Kyungsoo's gaze only intensifies. Luhan looks away and crosses his arms.

“Nope. Not gonna work. I don't care how close you look to crying with those big cute eyes of yours. I'm not falling for it.”

Clearly not having any sort of effect on Luhan, Kyungsoo gives up.

“Do you even feel?”

Luhan turns to look at Kyungsoo again.

“Of course, I do. I just don't tend to give in when spoiled brats try to pull the puppy dog look.”

Kyungsoo holds his hand over his chest in mock hurt.

“Did you just call me a 'brat'?”

“A spoiled brat.”

“You're mean.”

“So are you.”

“How?”

“You're letting your friends worry about your well-being, by not telling them where you are!”

At that, Kyungsoo puffs his cheeks in annoyance. A few moments of silence falls over the two men and it only breaks when Kyungsoo finally speaks up.

“I'm not running away. You know that, right?”

“Really? Do I? It sure doesn't seem that way.”

Kyungsoo groans.

“It's not like I haven't thought about what happened and about what I'm doing. The entire time I have been here, that's all I have thought about.”

Luhan stays quiet and can only stop and look at the pained expression on Kyungsoo's face.

“The more I think about that night...the more I can't think of a reason why Jongin would kiss me. I say he kissed me, because that's exactly what happened. I had spent so much time imagining how kissing Jongin would be like, but I wasn't the one who kissed him. He kissed me. Why? I don't know.”

Luhan cocks an eyebrow.

“Really? You can't come up with a reason as to why Jongin kissed you? At all? There's nothing you can come up with?”

Luhan can only stare at Kyungsoo incredulously as the shorter man shakes his head. 

“Seriously? There's nothing?”

“No. I already told you. Why? What do you think is the reason?”

“Oh, no. Nope. I'm not gonna tell you. You will have to find that out for yourself when you talk to Jongin.”

“Aww c'mon, Lu. Tell me~”

“Nope.”

“Fine! Be that way.”

Once again Kyungsoo crosses his arms and stares angrily at the dark screen of the television. He blinks several times as he thinks over the things that happened between him and Jongin. He tilts his head from side to side as he ponders over everything that went wrong. He realizes that a lot of the stuff that happened could've been avoided really easily if only he had done one thing. This realization amuses him so much, that he find himself laughing at how stupid he acted.

“Wow. You have really gone off the deep end haven't you?”

“Huh?”

“Why are you laughing?”

“Nothing...just...”

“Just?”

“I handled my feelings for Jongin really stupidly.”

“Oh. So you've finally realized.”

Kyungsoo doesn't hesitate in punching Luhan's arm for that comment.

“OW! What was that for?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

Luhan doesn't say anything because he knows he deserved that. Although, he doesn't understand why Kyungsoo had to punch him so hard.

“So, how?”

Kyungsoo looks up confused, not understanding what Luhan is asking.

“How, what?

“How did you handle your feelings so stupidly?”

A sigh escapes Kyungsoo's lips as he thinks about the answer. His lips form a sad smile.

“It's simple. All this pain and sadness could've been avoided, if only I hadn't been such a coward and been honest from the beginning.”

Kyungsoo pauses to see if Luhan is going to say something. When Luhan doesn't say anything, he continues.

“I realize that not telling Jongin how I felt, was my first mistake. I should've told him, the moment my feelings for him changed into me caring about him as more than a friend. Everything could've been avoided if only I had just told him.”

Luhan nods as he can see that Kyungsoo seems to finally be able to come to terms to the fact that he is also responsible for some of the pain that was inflicted on him. He is glad that Kyungsoo can finally see this. 

“So, then, it was all about communication?”

“Yeah. It seems that was the problem.”

Kyungsoo turns to find Luhan looking very deep in thought. He nudges the blonde a bit.

“What is it?”

“Oh, nothing. Just...”

“Just?”

“I don't know. I guess I just find it amusing how communication seems to have been the mistake both you and Jongin made, in this whole situation.”

Kyungsoo tilts his head slightly and stares at Luhan in confusion. 

“What do you mean by 'you and Jongin'? The both of us, made the same mistake?”

Luhan smiles.

“Don't worry. I'm sure you'll figure it out soon. Here.”

Luhan reaches over to grab Kyungsoo's hand and places the tv remote in his palm.

“You can watch tv, now. I gotta get to work. See you later.”

Kyungsoo watches as Luhan puts on his jacket and grabs his keys before walking out through the front door. He is still a little confused as to what that last thing Luhan said, meant, but forgets about soon after. The music show on the tv proving to be, too much of a good distraction to his problems.


	12. Let Us Move On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was tired of having these one-sided feelings for someone he knows damn well won't return the same feelings. Kyungsoo is tired of putting up a front, but at the same time, doesn't have the courage to come out and admit his true feelings. Kyungsoo thought he was over it. He thought he had succeeded in forgetting Jongin. What a fool Kyungsoo had been to just assume that he could get rid of his love for Jongin in a such a small amount of time.

Several days have passed since Kyungsoo 'disappeared', as Baekhyun likes to call it. Baekhyun hadn't been dealing well with Kyungsoo's absence and his dislike towards Jongin only seem to grow with each passing day. When Baekhyun found out that Sehun knew where Kyungsoo was, he wasted no time in interrogating his friend and using some, less than conventional ways, to threaten the truth out of the tall blonde. It seemed that Sehun was able to hold his own against an erratic and borderline homicidal Baekhyun because, in the end, Sehun just wouldn't give up Kyungsoo's location. Something about having promised his hyung that he wouldn't say anything to anyone, especially Jongin. Of course, that last part seemed to only annoy Baekhyun to no end because now he felt that he couldn't know where Kyungsoo was, all because of Jongin. No matter how much the people around him told him that it wasn't just because of Jongin, that it was Kyungsoo who explicitly said NO ONE, including friends, was to know where he was saying. Yeah, Baekhyun couldn't see or hear past his dislike for Jongin. 

On the other hand, Sehun seemed to be fairing quite well after what happened with him and Jongin. Yeah, he was still avoiding Jongin, just like Baekhyun. He didn't really stay around long enough to engage Jongin with any sort of conversation and if he did, well, it maybe only lasted a few minutes before he had some 'business' to take care of. All in all, Sehun seemed to be doing pretty well, though. He is aware that he, at some point, is going to have to talk to Jongin for both of them to move on past their issues. He's waiting for Kyungsoo and Jongin to settle their problems, first. Only then will Sehun approach Jongin, again. In the meantime, while it isn't the best of solutions, Sehun has taken upon going out at night to the clubs or the bars, to numb the unbearable emptiness in his chest. Sometimes with people he knows, sometimes alone. It all depends on his mood.

Furthermore, since Baekhyun and Sehun have decided not to be anywhere near him at the moment, Jongin is left alone, all by himself in Kyungsoo's apartment. Chanyeol, the only one out of the whole group that still wants to speak to Jongin, does come by once in a while. The giant isn't to worried about the way he saw Baekhyun change before his very eyes, back at the cafe. After getting the most important snippets of the full story, Chanyeol can understand where Baekhyun is coming from. However, he still doesn't believe that Jongin is completely to blame in this situation. Which is why, more than anything, when Chanyeol does come by to Kyungsoo's apartment, it is just to check in on Jongin and make sure he is eating regularly. After witnessing the confrontation between Baekhyun and Jongin, he found out most of the backstory from Jongin, himself. He had been helping Jongin with the bloody lip, Baekhyun had given him when Jongin suddenly broke down in front of him. Jongin told Chanyeol about Kyungsoo's letters, but not in so much detail, because the only thing Chanyeol could figure out was that Kyungsoo had feelings for Jongin and that something went wrong, leading to this fucked up mess. In all honesty, Chanyeol is still extremely confused as to what is going on. Nevertheless, Jongin is still his friend and he doesn't think it's right to just let him fend for himself, when he obviously appears to be hurting so much, as well. With regards to Sehun and Baekhyun, Chanyeol thinks that Jongin hurting is something those two, are neglecting to see.

Eventually, it is at one of those moments where Chanyeol has just left Kyungsoo's apartment after checking up on Jongin, that the younger gets a phone call. Jongin is sitting on the couch, quietly picking at the food Chanyeol brought by, clearly not interested in eating any of it, when his ringtone startles him. It took a few days, but after a while Jongin stopped expecting Kyungsoo to be the one who is calling, so now he just let's the phone ring without any care in the world. He lets it ring until it stops and he figures the caller will just not call again. He's aware that Kyungsoo said he would call in a week, but lately Jongin has been too depressed to even take note of the days that have passed, much less worry about what day he is living in. 

The phone rings again, but Jongin still doesn't pick up. 

For the past several days, all Jongin had done was go to his dance practices, because he was still part of a dance group that went around performing at different events, at many different theaters. It was an opportunity that was given to him while he was abroad and he didn't hesitate in taking it. Aside from practice, he had begun to teach at a dance studio, part-time. It was a place that one of his teachers from the dance group, owned. Jongin had been doing well, before everything that had happened...happened. Now, he just couldn't be motivated to put his all, into his dancing. He still practiced, but he wasn't dancing to his full potential. His teachers noticed. His students noticed. They all worried, but Jongin always gave them an excuse, telling them that he was okay. I'm just tired, that's all. I think I'm coming down with something. I'll get better. Don't worry about me...

The phone rings a third time and Jongin starts to think that maybe the call is important. He still doesn't pick up.   
Reading the letters, really did a number on him. Jongin knows that the contents of those letter are probably not even a small fraction of what Kyungsoo had to endure all these years. With him going abroad, it only seemed to make Kyungsoo's mental state worsen. Even if Kyungsoo wanted to tell him the truth during that time, there was no possible way he could. Not while Jongin wasn't answering his calls or text. Hell, Jongin had even gotten a new number and phone just so he wouldn't have to think of Kyungsoo, every time the older called. Baekhyun had been calling him all kinds of insulting names and, now, Jongin was inclined to start believing that those words were accurate in describing someone like him.

On the fourth ring, Jongin turns to give the phone a hard look and gives up. He reaches over and answers it. He brings it to his ear and listens to hear who it is.

“Hello? Jongin? Are you there?”

Jongin straightens up at the familiar usage of his name over the phone. He knows that voice. 

“K-Kyungsoo?”

“Yeah. It's me.”

“What- How- Where-”

“Jongin.”

“Yeah?”

“It's been a week. I told you I would I call you in one week. I called three times, already. Are you busy?”

“What? Oh, no. Uhm...”

Jongin looks around and rapidly rises from the couch, with the energy of a thousand suns. He can't help the smile forming on his face, because it's been days since he had heard Kyungsoo's voice and, honestly, he is glad to finally be speaking to him. It no longer seems like Kyungsoo is somewhere far and unreachable. It no longer seems like he would no longer be able to see Kyungsoo, again.

“I'm not busy.”

“Good. So...”

“So?”

“Right. Uhm..You want to meet up?”

“Yes! I mean-”

Jongin coughs because, really, did he relly just scream 'yes'? As if seeing Kyungsoo has been the only thing on his mind? 

“Yeah, sure. Let's meet up.”

Laughter can be heard coming from Kyungsoo's end, making Jongin blush the lightest shade of pink.

“Okay, then. How about the cafe. I'm actually close by, so that would be perfect.”

“The cafe? Yeah, no problem. I'll be there.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“So, I'll see you.”

“Yeah. Right. Bye.”

“Bye, Jongin.”

Jongin hangs up and stares at his phone with a huge smile on his face. It was really him. It was really Kyungsoo who had just called and Jongin couldn't be any happier. The gravity of the situation starts sinking in right about the time when Jongin is finished getting dressed after taking a much needed shower. One last look in the mirror and it finally sinks in that he is going to see Kyungsoo. They are finally going to talk about what happened several days ago. Jongin's mood dims a bit at the realization. This next conversation with Kyungsoo could make or break, whatever relationship, they have with one another.

***

Kyungsoo has his suitcase with him when he gets to the cafe. He looks around and doesn't find Jongin anywhere. It seems that he has gotten there, first. He walks in and finds a table at the very back of the cafe, wanting some privacy for when Jongin gets there and they finally meet.

There aren't many people in the shop either, which puts Kyungsoo more at ease. He knows Chanyeol isn't there. The Boss having sent the taller to go buy more inventory. Kyungsoo had called, before coming over, to see if Chanyeol would be there. If he had been there, Kyungsoo would have had to be prepared to see more people than just Jongin, today. Although, he did want to see the rest of his friends, Kyungsoo really needed to see Jongin first and clear things up between them. 

Kyungsoo doesn't remember ever being as nervous as he is now. He clasps his hands together and leans on the table hoping that the knot that has formed in the pit of stomach goes away soon. He glances at the front doors of the cafe, waiting for Jongin to get there. He doesn't think he is that hard to miss, what with him being the only one with a suitcase next to him. A few of the customers there had given him a strange look, but quickly disregarded him. He takes out his phone and starts playing with it. He checks his messages, even though he knows there aren't any new ones. He goes through his contacts, knowing full well that no one has called, nor does he need to call anyone, right now. He has gotten to the point where he starts scrolling through the pictures on his phone to pass the time. Kyungsoo is so bored out of his mind, by this point, that he fails to see Jongin walking in through the double doors of the cafe. 

“Hi.”

Kyungsoo nonchalantly looks up from his phone and proceeds to let it drop from his hand and onto the table in surprise, when he sees who it is.

“Jongin!”

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.”

Jongin reaches for the phone and hands it back to Kyungsoo. The younger doesn't miss the brief brush of their fingertips as Kyungsoo takes his phone.

“No, it's fine. I just got bored while waiting.”

“I'm sorry. Have you been waiting long?”

“Oh, no. I just got here earlier than I thought I would.”

“Ah, I see.”

“Yeah.”

An awkward silence settles between the two. Both waiting to see if the other is going to say anything. Jongin, being the eager person that he is, speaks up first.

“So, you look, well.”

“I look, well?”

“I mean you look, okay. As in nothing happened to you.”

“Oh.”

“You disappeared without telling anyone where you went.”

“Right. We should- I should probably explain.”

Jongin sits across from Kyungsoo and silently waits for the older to speak.

“I was at Luhan's this whole time.”

“You were with Luhan?”

Kyungsoo nods.

“Oh.”

Kyungsoo seems to pick up on that less than pleased sounding, 'oh'.

“'Oh'? Why do you say it like that?”

Jongin hesitates before answering.

“Nothing. It's just...”

The younger struggles with the next few words.

“This..right now...we are going to be honest with each other for the next couple of minutes, right? This is why you wanted to meet up?”

“Well, yeah. I still don't get what that has to do with Lu-”

“I don't like him.”

“Uhm...”

“I have nothing against him because I personally don't know him, but I just don't like him hanging around you all that much.”

“You don't like him because you don't like that he hangs around me so much?”

Kyungsoo didn't think the conversation was going to start off like this. He didn't think that Jongin would actually manage to make him feel annoyed in the first few seconds of them meeting since the night at the club.

“Yup.”

“Why?”

“It's complicated-”

“Complicated? If you want to talk about complicated, then let's just start with those letters. Did you read them?”  
Jongin seems to grow somber at the mention of the letters.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Okay. So it goes without saying that you know, now. You know how I feel about you.”

Jongin blinks. The lump in his throat getting increasingly more umbearable.

“Yeah.”

The younger looks up at Kyungsoo expectantly. He doesn't know how to continue this conversation, so he is looking at Kyungsoo, waiting for him to say something. 

“This is so much harder than I thought it was going to be.”

Jongin tilts his head to the side.

“How so?”

“Jongin~”

Kyungsoo groans and leans back into his seat as he rubs his face in frustration.

“ This is part of the reason why I left. So, I could find the words to say, when I need to say them, but I don't even know where to start~”

A heavy weight seems to diappear from Jongin's chest as he finds that he isn't the only one who can't seem to find the right words. 

“You can start by telling me the other part of the reason for why you left.”

Kyungsoo lets out a heavy sigh and looks back at Jongin.

“I left because...I got scared.”

“Scared?”

“Yeah. That night, at the club, you kissed me and it kind of surprised me.”

“So, you ran away because I kissed you? You could've just told me you didn't like it-”

“No. It's not that I didn't like it- I just-I mean -you-damn it! Why is this so hard?!”

Kyungsoo slams his forehead on the table and enjoys the cool contrast from the wooden table to his skin.

“Kyungsoo?”

“Hmmmm~”

“Are you okay?”

“Nooo~”

Jongin can't help but smile at the way Kyungsoo is acting. He is just too cute for his own good. 

Kyungsoo rasies his head abruptly when he doesn't hear Jongin say anything else. When his eyes land on Jongin again, he can see that the younger is casually leaning his head on the palm of his hand and just staring at him, with a smile on his face. The older can feel his cheeks warming and he has to look away because, damn, he really, really likes this man and he can't help but get shy when Jongin is looking at him that way. 

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Jongin, don't act like you don't know.”

“But I don't. Tell me.”

Jongin leans forward, smile still on his face, and purposely starts teasing Kyungsoo.

“Don't do that, Jongin.”

The younger stops the teasing when he hears the sudden stern change in Kyungsoo's voice. He leans back and takes a look at Kyungsoo's pained expression and at the sadness that has seeped into the older's eyes. 

“Did you know?”

Jongin blinks a couple of times in confusion of not understanding what Kyungsoo is asking.

“Did I know, what?”

Kyungsoo looks up at Jongin with those big brown eyes of his, that appear to be on the verge of tears, and Jongin's breath hitches. 

“That, I like you. That, I love you.”

Jongin's eyes widen in shock.

“Even now, after everything, I still do. After so many years, I still love you. Why do you make it so hard to love you, though?”

The younger nervously licks his lips. He hadn't been expecting that. Of course, he was bound to hear it, sometime. Kyungsoo was bound to say that he liked him, but Jongin just wasn't prepared to hear the 'I love you' that followed. It kind of pains him to have Kyungsoo say it, though. In a way, Jongin didn't want Kyungsoo to tell him. Jongin didn't feel like he deserved Kyungsoo's love. He had screwed up so much, that now, even though he has finally come to terms with the fact that he has fallen in love with his best friend, it may just be a little too late. How can he tell Kyungsoo that he likes him too, after everything that has happened?

“I'm sorry, Kyungsoo. I didn't mean to hurt you.”

“No. It's okay. I mean...it's partly my fault too. For not saying anything and bottling up everything. I'm just as much to blame. Besides, it's not like I should've expected anything. I knew you would most likely never see me as anything more than a friend. Falling in love with you, was my mistake.”

Jongin bites his bottom lip in nervousness. If he is going to tell Kyungsoo, this is as good a time as any. He doesn't want Kyungsoo to think that all his feelings were a mistake. That all the suffering he endured, was for nothing. He likes him, too. Whatever happens after this, Jongin is going to have to take it with stride because he just can't bear to keep on going with his life without letting Kyungsoo know how he feels.

“Kyungsoo?”

“Hmm?”

“I'm sorry. I'm-”

“Jongin, you don't have to keep apologizing.”

“No, Kyungsoo. Let me finish. I need you to listen.”

Kyungsoo is a bit surprised to hear Jongin speak this way, but nonetheless, he stops talking and lets Jongin continue.

“If we really want to move on...if this is going to work...if we have any chance of saving any part of this friendship...I feel like I should be honest with you as well.”

Jongin glances at Kyungsoo. The older nods.

“Go on.”

The younger swallows and tries to normalize his breathing. He's pretty sure his blood pressure is through the roof right about now. He has never felt so nervous in his life.

“I...I like you.”

Jongin observes Kyungsoo's reaction and as he does, he doesn't know what to make of it. He thinks he sees Kyungsoo's eyes widen and look a bit larger than usual, but more than anything, all he can see on Kyungsoo's face, is confusion. 

“I've been doing a lot of thinking while you were gone. I look back, to when we were still in High School, and I think I have liked you ever since then. I understand if you're angry at me after hearing this, but I just need to say it. I need you to know everything.”

Kyungsoo takes a deep breath to calm himself after hearing what Jongin just said. Mad? Yeah, maybe a little bit. All the time he spent fawning over Jongin and Jongin had liked him all the same. If only he had told Jongin, so many bad things could've been avoided. So, is he angry? Yes, but not necessarily at Jongin. He is more upset at the circumstances of it all. His hand curls into a fist on his lap. 

“Back then, I think I was just afraid. I kept thinking that it was impossible for me to fall in love with my best friend. I kept think that there was no way, I could let that happen. I didn't want to lose the friendship we had, but looking back on it now...it seems that...our friendship kind of fell apart, anyways. When I went abroad, it got worse. At first, it thought that going overseas would help me forget about you, but I was wrong. I didn't want to admit it back then, but I really did miss you. I missed you so much, it was insane how much I missed you. I couldn't get you out of my head. I went to dance class and I practiced until I was too exhausted to move and couldn't think of you anymore. I think I realized my feelings for you a bit too late, though. When I got back and I saw you with Luhan, it just, it bothered me so much to see you so close to him. You had also changed a lot in the time I was away. Your hair was different, the way you dressed was different. It felt like I didn't know you anymore. That bothered me to some extent , too. Thinking about it now, I feel so stupid for even trying to tell you how to live your life. I feel so stupid about telling you what you should or shouldn't do because you're right I'm not your mom, your father, or even...your boyfriend...to tell you anything. I am truly sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean for that to happen. I hope you can forgive me somehow. Someday.”

Neither of the two men utter a single word afterwards. They stay silent for a few moments, letting Jongin's words hang in the air between them. Kyungsoo tries to let all of what Jongin just said, sink in. Meanwhile, Jongin nervously waits for Kyungsoo to say something...anything. 

“Jongin.”

Jongin prepares for the next words that will come out of Kyungsoo's mouth. Perfectly aware, that Kyungsoo could choose not to ever see him ever, again.

“Hmm?”

“It's funny, actually. I think we both made a lot of mistakes in handling our feelings for one another. Number one, being that we didn't tell each other how we felt. I told you. You don't have to keep apologizing. I'm just as much to blame. Besides, you lived your life the way you wanted. Even if going abroad was a way for you to try to forget about me...you went because it was a good opportunity for you to pursue your dream, as well. You love dancing, Jongin. I wish I could've done the same. Done what I wanted. Instead, I hung onto this illusion of you coming back and that everything would go back to normal.”

Jongin takes a deep breath.

“So, what are you saying?”

“I'm saying I forgive you. It's okay, Jongin. We both made mistakes and I think it's time we started fixing them. Don't you?”

Jongin was ready to lose Kyungsoo, when he agreed to meet up. He was ready to have Kyungsoo hate him for not telling him that he also felt the same way, those many years ago. Jongin was prepared for that. Not this. For Kyungsoo to forgive him so easily, seemed surreal. Of course, Jongin was happy, because this meant that him and Kyungsoo, they would still mean something to each other. It's not like either of the two would no longer be in each other's lives.

Jongin nods.

“Yeah.”

***

Sometime, later that day, Sehun finds himself sitting, alone, at one of the local bars. He sips on some cheap beer and dwells in the solitude of his mind. Baekhyun wasn't backing off and the constant texts asking where Kyungsoo was, were starting to get annoying. For that reason, Sehun had turned his phone off. He didn't need Baekhyun reminding him of where Kyungsoo was or rather with who he was with. He had enough of that the other day, when he got into that argument with Jongin. The last thing he needed was to think about the other guy in Kyungsoo's life.

“Hey, how's it going?”

Speaking of the Devil. Sehun turns his head to glance at the one man that he seriously did not want to think about at this moment. He looks Luhan up and down and rolls his eyes. Sehun hopes the shorter man will get a clue and just leave him alone. He hears the barstool next to him being pulled back. Well, fuck.

“Have you seen Kyungsoo, yet?”

“What?”

“Wow. Funny how the only way you will talk to me is if I mention Kyungsoo's name.”

Sehun rolls his eyes.

“What do you want?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to know if you had seen Kyungsoo, yet.”

“Kyungsoo is living with you at the moment. When would I have been able to see him?”

“He left today. Today was the last day of that week he decided to take off from his life or something. I just assumed you had seen him already, is all.”

Luhan turns around to the bartender and orders a shot of vodka. Sehun's jaw clenches. He hadn't known that Kyungsoo was coming back today. He hadn't said anything. He pulls his cellphone out of his pocket and turns it on. Besides the annoying text messages from Baekhyun, there was nothing. Kyungsoo hadn't even called or texted to tell him that he was coming back. Sehun downs the beer and orders a shot of whiskey.

“Whiskey? Really? Damn what changed your mood?”

Sehun turns to face Luhan.

“I'm sorry. Did the fact that I was willing to answer your questions give you the impression that I actually wanted to speak to you? 'Cause I don't.”

“Geez, man. I know you aren't dealing well, with the whole Jongin and Kyungsoo situation, but damn, you could at least show your elders some respect.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I'm older than you-”

“No not that. You're so not, by the way. The other thing about Jongin and Kyungsoo.”

“I so am! Don't let my pretty face fool you. I'm actually twenty five, thank you very much. As for the whole Kyungsoo and Jongin thing...I know you like Kyungsoo.”

“Twenty five?! No way? Wait, how? How could you possibly know?”

“Well, for one, you just confirmed it, right now. Two, Kyungsoo likes to talk. Like a lot. He talked a lot about you and how good of a friend you are. To be honest though, half of the stuff he said that you did for him, made it sound more like you guys were dating or something at some point. Which I totally thought, but Kyungsoo firmly denied it. Can I get another shot of vodka over here, please?”

Sehun doesn't know whether he should be more surprised at the fact that this toddler looking man is actually twenty-five, and his hyung, or at the fact that even Luhan was able to pick up on the fact that he liked Kyungsoo. Him and Luhan had never even formally met! How could Luhan have possibly figured it out?

“Are you gonna want another drink? It's on the house.”

“What? No. Not right now. Wait, how can it be on the house?”

“Oh...well...I kind of maybe...sort of work here?”

“Maybe...sort of?”

“Alright fine. I own this place.”

Sehun's eyes grow to the size of saucers in surprise. He turns to give Luhan is best 'what the hell?' face. Luhan only nods.

“Yeah. I own this local and a few other bars around town, including that club we first met at, amongst several other clubs. It's a family business kind of thing.”

Sehun can only stare at Luhan with a dumbfounded expression. It takes a few moments before Sehun is able to find his voice again.

“I think I'll have that second drink now.”

“'kay. Hey another round of vodka over here!”

“I don't like vodka.”

“Too bad. I do.”

The bartender pours both Sehun and Luhan a shot of vodka. The taller blonde watches as Luhan downs the shot in one go. He starts wondering where all that alcohol goes, in such a small and petite body. He then starts wondering why Luhan seems really relaxed for someone who's boyfriend is probably talking and making up with their first love since high school.

“Why are you even here?”

“Uhm, have you not been paying attention? This is kind of my job. I have to come and check-”

“No! I mean...isn't Kyungsoo with Jongin right now or something?”

“Probably. Another shot of vodka, please!”

Where does all that alcohol go? No, Sehun. FOCUS!

“So, Kyungsoo being alone with Jongin doesn't bother you?”

“Hmmm....Nope. Not really. Why should it?”

“Uhhh, maybe because Jongin is Kyungsoo's first love and you're currently the man dating him.”

Luhan stares at Sehun like he has grown another head. He blinks several times and his eyes widen when he comprehends exactly what Sehun is saying. He is throws back his fifth shot of vodka before giving Sehun an answer.

“Okay, I don't know what Kyungsoo has told you, but him and I aren't dating.”

The level of incredulity in Sehun, right as he hears those words, is astounding. He nearly spits out his drink.

“What?! What do you mean you're not dating?”

“Exactly that. Kyungsoo and I, are not dating.”

“But, Kyungsoo...he...all those times he went out...it was with you! Even, now! When he needed to get away, he went and stayed at your place! He stayed all those nights at your place!”

“Yeah and he slept in my bedroom while I-”

“Look, I don't want to hear what you guys-”

“- WHILE... I slept on the couch. In the living room. Like many feet away from my bedroom.”

Sehun shakes his head.

“No way.”

“Yeah, way. I can't believe you thought me and Kyungsoo were actually dating.”

“You guys made it seem, so...I thought...”

The bartender walks up and interrupts Sehun's rambling. 

“You guys up for another round?”

“Yep, more vodka, please.”

Luhan downs his shot and then looks over to see that Sehun is still working on his first shot and has a second, filled to the brim and waiting, next to him.

“Are you going to drink that?”

Sehun looks at what Luhan is pointing at and shakes his head.

“Alright, then.”

The younger stays quiet, too preoccupied going over the times, he knows of, when Kyungsoo was with Luhan. He really can't believe that he ended up harboring such dislike towards the small blonde, over something that wasn't even real to begin with.

“Luhan?”

“Hmmm?”

“I'm sorry.”

“Huh? Why?”

“I have hated you for the longest time. Probably since the first time I met you and without a legitimate reason.”

“Ooooh. Nah. Don't worry about it.”

“No, really. I'm sorry.”

“You get weird when you drink. Besides you didn't hate me, per se. You were just jealous. Jealousy is normal, Sehun.”

“Yeah, when there is actually a real reason to be jealous.”

“That is true. If you want a real reason then the person you should be jealous of, in my opinion, would be this Jongin guy.”

Sehun scoffs.

“Yeah, right.”

“Oh. What's wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Really? It doesn't seem like nothing.”

Luhan watches the way Sehun gets a far away look on his face. He can see the lingering sadness in his eyes, he hadn't seen the first time they met. Something must've happened to make Sehun this way.

“Hey, stop doing that to your handsome face. It doesn't pay to looks so sad all the time.”

Sehun laughs.

“You think I'm handsome?”

“Oh my God. I'm showing concern over you and that's all you picked up on?”

The younger laughs a bit more and Luhan can't help but smile at watching a happy Sehun.

“Hey, Sehun. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.”

Sehun turns to look at Luhan.

“Really?”

“I've been told I'm a good listener. Just ask Kyungsoo, if you don't believe me.”

Sehun ponders that offer for a moment before speaking. If Kyungsoo trusted this man, enough to tell him about his problems about Jongin, why could Sehun do the same? What could be the harm?

“Can you be a good listener some other time?”

The younger scoots closer to Luhan.

“Let me just borrow your shoulder, for now.”

Sehun cranes his neck and rests his head on Luhan's shoulder. Luhan moves his head slightly surprised at the sudden action. He gazes at Sehun's face, not being able to do anything else, but to admire Sehun's fair and soft looking skin. He averts his eyes when he hears Sehun let out a heavy sigh. He sounds tired. 

“Would you like another round?”

Luhan looks up at the bartender and smiles.

“Sure, why not?”


	13. This Is My Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was tired of having these one-sided feelings for someone he knows damn well won't return the same feelings. Kyungsoo is tired of putting up a front, but at the same time, doesn't have the courage to come out and admit his true feelings. Kyungsoo thought he was over it. He thought he had succeeded in forgetting Jongin. What a fool Kyungsoo had been to just assume that he could get rid of his love for Jongin in a such a small amount of time.

Kyungsoo wakes up to the feeling of someone nudging him awake. He opens one eye and takes a peek at the digital clock on his bedside table. It's 7 a.m. On a Saturday. On his day off. He groans and turns over to the other side away from the nudger. It's too early to be awake at this hour especially on his day off from work. Unfortunately, the nudger only moves to the other side of the bed and starts moving Kyungsoo awake again. 

“Kyungsoo~”

Said man tries to ignore the nudger.

“Soo~”

Just pretend you're sleeping. Maybe he will go away.

“Kyungie~”

Please go away. Kyungsoo turns away one more time. A few seconds pass and he doesn't feel the nudger nudging him anymore. He relaxes and tries to fall back to sleep. He is almost sound asleep, when he feels a hard hand slap down on his bottom.

“KYUNGSOO. WAKE THE FUCK UP.”

Kyungsoo throws the sheets off of him and starts whining and groaning.

“WHAT THE HELL, BAEKHYUN. LEAVE ME ALONE. GO HOME. IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THIS SHIT.”

“Really? Is that how treat your friends, when they were nice enough to come by at seven in the morning and bring you breakfast?”

“Yes. Especially, if it's seven in the morning on a Saturday, ON MY DAY OFF.”

Baekhyun narrows his eyes at his friend who is still in bed hiding his head under a pillow. He scoots closer and bends down to whisper in Kyungsoo's ear.

“Even if said friend has brought you coffee and muffins?”

Kyungsoo instantly pulls his head out of the pillow and sleepily glances up to look at Baekhyun.

“Really?”

“Go to the kitchen.”

Not having to tell him twice, Kyungsoo leaps off of his bed and makes his way to the kitchen. He vaguely noticed Jongin walking out of his own room, probably having been woken up by all the yelling.

“Morning, Jongin.”

“Morning, Soo...and Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun nods.

“Hey.”

Baekhyun still isn't all too happy about the fact that Jongin is still living at Kyungsoo's apartment. To him it's as if what happened several weeks ago, just happened yesterday. Albeit, that he has gotten better at trying to at least be civil with Jongin, for Kyungsoo's sake.

Baekhyun and Jongin follow after Kyungsoo, to the kitchen. They hear Kyungsoo squeal in joy before they have even gotten there.

“They're blueberry! Baek, I'm sorry I yelled at you. I love you. You're awesome.”

“Of course! What kind of a friend would I be if I didn't know your favorite muffin flavor?”

Kyungsoo grins and starts taking out the food from the brown paper bag.

“Oh, Jongin, there's something in there for you too. I didn't know what you liked so I got you a ham and cheese croissant.”

“That's fine, thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Don't expect this kindness out of me all the time.”

“When have I ever expected any sort of kindness from you, anyway?”

Kyungsoo freezes as he can physically feel the awkwardness in the room go up a few notches. It's amazing how he has grown to be able to sense the tension that accompanies both Baekhyun and Jongin every time those two are in the same room.

“C'mon, guys. It's too early for you two to start fighting.”

Baekhyun narrows his eyes at Jongin, clearly not ready to be the first one to look away. Jongin, on the other hand, doesn't want to cause Kyungsoo any trouble so he drops the subject.

“Baek.”

Baekhyun turns to face Kyungsoo, momentarily forgetting about his little squabble with Jongin.

“Hmm?”

“How much cream and sugar did you put into my coffee?”

“Three creams and two sugars. Why?”

“He doesn't take his coffee that way.”

Both Baekhyun and Kyungsoo turn to look at Jongin. The younger walks over to Kyungsoo and replaces the coffee in the older's hand with the cup that was supposed to be his.

“He only takes one cream and one sugar. Baekhyun got mine, black, so you can fix it however you want.”

Jongin gives Kyungsoo a sweet smile, but when he turns to glance at Baekhyun the smile disappears and is replaced by a scowl. Baekhyun rolls his eyes.

“Whatever. So, when are you moving out?”

The sudden question has both Kyungsoo and Jongin stiffening up. The youngest of the three looks up at Baekhyun. He swallows the bite of food he just took, before answering.

“Uhm, I don't know. I was going to talk to hyung about that, but probably soon.”

Baekhyun takes a seat at the kitchen table and starts picking at one of the muffins.

“How soon?”

“Like...maybe...next week?”

Still fixing his coffee, Kyungsoo is at the kitchen counter facing away from Baekhyun and Jongin. The pair doesn't notice the way Kyungsoo tenses up at the fact that Jongin is thinking about leaving so soon. Jongin hadn't even told Kyungsoo he was looking for another place to stay.

“Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo blinks and looks over his shoulder. Apparently Jongin had said something, that he didn't catch.

“Yeah?”

“I said that Chanyeol seems to have a spare room, that he is willing to rent to me. Do you think I should take it?”

“Uhmm...I guess?”

“You guess?”

“I don't know, Jongin. Just...it's up to you, if you want to move in with Chanyeol.”

“Oh, okay.”

Kyungsoo nods. Baekhyun sensing that things have gotten a bit strained, pipes up and tells Kyungsoo about Junmyeon having come back from Paris already.

“Oh, yeah? When did he get back?”

“Last night. He told me to tell you that he will be waiting for you at that old diner we used to go to, when were still in high school, for lunch.”

“You're not coming?”

“Nope. He said he wanted to talk to you alone. Something about me being too loud and impulsive.”

“He said that?”

“Yeah! Can you believe that jerk?!”

“Yeah, what in the world could Junmyeon-hyung be thinking?”

“Right?- Wait. Why do you say it like that?”

“Like what?”

Kyungsoo looks at Baekhyun with wide innocent eyes.

“You think I'm loud and impulsive, too. Don't you? You know what I'm out of here. I don't need this kind of negativity so early in the morning.”

“Aww c'mon, Baek. Don't go.”

Kyungsoo follows after Baekhyun. He stop his friend from leaving right as Baekhyun has his hand on the doorknob. 

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. You are not loud or impulsive.”

“Liar.”

“Baek, c'mon. Don't be like that.”

“Yeah, Baek. Don't get all butthurt and whiny.”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at Jongin's comment.

“Jongin!”

“Sorry.”

He looks back at Baekhyun.

“Forgive me?”

“Fine, whatever.”

“Don't 'fine, whatever' me. You're lucky I even let you keep that copy of the apartment key you made behind my back.”

Now it's Baekhyun's turn to look at Kyungsoo with innocent eyes.

“What copy?”

“Don't play coy with me, Baek. How did you get in here this morning when Jongin is suppose to have the only other key to the apartment?”

Baekhyun blinks a few times and guiltily looks down at his feet. He mumbles out an answer barely audible to the people in the room.

“Sorry. Could you repeat that? I couldn't quite catch that.”

Baekhyun raises his head and faces Kyungsoo.

“Fine! I admit it. I made a copy of the apartment key without your permission. Are you happy now?”

“Not really. You made a copy without my permission and I doubt you're going to give it up.”

“You're right. I'm not.”

Kyungsoo hits Baekhyun upside the head.

“Just come with me to the kitchen and help me finish all those muffins you brought me.”

“...'kay...”

Holding his head in shame, Baekhyun follows after Kyungsoo.

***

“Hey, hyung.”

Junmyeon looks up from the menu in his hand to see Kyungsoo already taking a seat across from him in the booth.

“Hey, Kyungsoo. Long time no see.”

“I know! It feels like forever since I last saw you. How was Paris?”

“It was fun! Jongdae was always taking me out to see the city. He took me to some nice restaurants- Oh! We also got to see the Eiffel tower! It was great. I had a lot of fun.”

By the smile on Junmyeon's face, Kyungsoo can tell that his hyung was happy.

“That's great, hyung.”

“Yeah. We would've stayed longer, but Jongdae's father called. Something about having trouble with the company or something.”

“I hope everything is ok.”

“Oh, yeah. Everything is fine. Jongdae is already working on fixing the problem. The company should be fine.”

“You know sometimes I forget that Jongdae-hyung is the heir to a multi-million dollar company.”

“Well, it's not like he goes around flaunting that he is rich, all the time. Besides the car, Jongdae really doesn't own anything too flashy.”

“That's true.”

Kyungsoo and Junmyeon stop speaking, right then. They glance at the menu quickly and when the waiter comes by they give him their order.

“So, I already told you, how my vacation to Paris was. What about you? Anything new happen while I was gone?”

Kyungsoo combs his hair back with his fingers and smiles at Junmyeon.

“Hyung~ Stop stalling. I already know Baek kept you updated on everything that happened. He didn't just stop with telling you that Jongin came back. I'm sure he told you about everything else.”

“What-”

“Hyung, don't even try to lie to me.”

Junmyeon sighs.

“Alright, fine. So I do Know what was going on. How do you feel?”

“About what?”

“About Jongin.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

Junmyeon raises an eyebrow at Kyungsoo.

“I don't know, hyung. Can we not talk about this, right now. I want to enjoy my lunch.”

“Yes, you do and we are going to talk about this. So, tell me.”

Kyungsoo looks around the diner. He counts that there are only six other people besides him and Junmyeon. After that, he just gazes around as he tries to buy some time for him to collect his thought.

“I still like him.”

“That's a given.”

“Hyung!”

“What?! Okay, I'm sorry. It's just...you have liked Jongin ever since you were in high school and then for the last five years. Feelings like that don't just disappear overnight.”

Kyungsoo sighs.

“I know. I just...I was already working on moving on from him but then he comes back and shakes me up again.”

“So, what are you saying?”

“I'm saying...I don't know if I should just keep on doing what I was doing and try to move on from Jongin or actually give him a chance. Actually give it a try with him and see how it goes.”

“Well...yeah...that's a big decision. Are you sure you're up for that? I mean I know you like Jongin and all, but I don't want you to forget everything you went through these past few years either.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, don't let yourself fall so fast for him. Be cautious. You know? Don't give too much and get nothing in return.”

“Hyung, don't worry. I'm not going to forget what I have been through. How can I? It was a really dark time in my past. If I do decide to try things out with Jongin, I will be careful. I promise.”

“Alright. Just remember, if you need any advice or any help, whatsoever, I'm here.”

A heart shaped smile forms on Kyungsoo lips.

“I know, Hyung.”

“Alright, then. Let's eat.”

“We still haven't gotten our food, yet.”

“Waiter! Wait-”

“Hyung, calm down. Our food will get here soon.” 

Kyungsoo tries to stifle his laughter as he watches Junmyeon start arguing with the waiter about why their food isn't ready. He can't remember a time when Junmyeon wasn't like this. Always the impatient one. He may look innocent, but he is anything but. Come to think of it, most of his close friends seem to have that in common. He silently watches as Junmyeon starts walking into the kitchen of the diner. Kyungsoo doesn't get up to stop Junmyeon. They both have been coming to this diner since their high school days, that the cook already knows them by name. The cook really seems to be fond of Junmyeon so Kyungsoo doesn't worry too much about Junmyeon being kicked out of the diner.

What does keep bothering Kyungsoo, is the conversation he just had with his hyung. He doesn't know what to do about Jongin. On the one hand, he could decide to give Jongin a chance. Now that he knows about Jongin's feelings, it seems that maybe there is some hope for the two of them. 

On the other hand, he still can't seem to forget the pain he felt, when Jongin had gone abroad and suddenly started ignoring his calls and texts. Kyungsoo can't seem to shake off the memories he has of Jongin and his girlfriends or the memories of Jongin asking him for advice on how to get a girl. The pain of the past seems to linger too much for Kyungsoo's liking.

Luhan was right when he said that both he and Jongin had made the same mistakes in this whole situation. Kyungsoo mentally thanks the heavens for allowing him to have met Luhan when he did. He doesn't know how he would've managed without him.

Kyungsoo ponders going to Luhan for some advice because he honestly doesn't know what to do about Jongin. He is going to have to figure it out soon, though, because Jongin is already almost set to move out of the apartment. Again, Kyungsoo doesn't know how he feels about that fact, either.

***

Kyungsoo is working on a double shot espresso latte, when Jongin walks in through the double doors of the cafe. He instantly perks up when he sees Jongin but then his mood dims down when he sees Chanyeol walking in right behind him. The giant probably having shown Jongin his new room, before he decided to move in.

“Hey, Boss!”

“Hey.”

Chanyeol walks right past Kyungsoo and into the back. Kyungsoo assumes he is going to get ready for his shift.

“Hi, Soo.”

“Jongin.”

Jongin eyes Kyungsoo, curiously.

“Are you mad?”

“No. Why would you think that?”

“Well, you just said my name in a very 'annoyed and irritated' kind of way.”

“Sorry. I didn't mean...”

Kyungsoo sighs.

“Whatever.”

The older turns around and calls out the name on the cup of the latte. He waits for the customer to get her drink before he picks up the bin under the counter and walks over to clean up the tables. Jongin follows after him.

“Hyung.”

Kyungsoo continues cleaning the tables, trying to ignore Jongin.

“Soo.”

He still doesn't turn and when he finishes that table he starts moving to the next. Kyungsoo is about to move to his third table when he feels someone grab him by the arm and twirl him around.

“Kyungsoo!”

He looks up to see Jongin, looking back down at him with concern.

“What's wrong? Did I do something to upset you?”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and pulls away from Jongin.

“No. You didn't do anything.”

Kyungsoo starts moving away but Jongin reaches over and grabs him by the arm again, keeping him in one place.

“I thought we agreed that we wouldn't keep things from each other anymore. It only ends up making things more difficult. Soo, tell me.”

“No, Jongin. It's stupid, anyway.”

“If it's bothering you this much, it is most definitely not stupid.”

Kyungsoo looks up at Jongin. The urge to just have Jongin back in his arms, the way he had him back at the club that one night, suddenly becomes unbearable, with their current proximity to each other. The older licks his lips and pulls himself out of Jongin's grip. He shifts his gaze down to his feet as he mumbles under his breath why he got irritated all of a sudden.

“I don't want you to move out.”

“What?”

“Oh c'mon! Don't make me say it again.”

Jongin bursts out into laughter.

“No! No, it's not that. I heard you...I just...I'm surprised that's all. You really don't want me to move out?”

Kyungsoo rubs the back of his neck and looks away from Jongin.

“No. Not really, no.”

Kyungsoo can't help the small blush that starts forming on his face as Jongin gives him one of his cute, sweet smiles. The older tries to look away, but that doesn't help, because he can feel Jongin's eyes on him. 

Jongin takes advantage of the fact that Kyungsoo isn't watching him and reaches over to grab Kyungsoo's hand. He tugs the smaller towards him, into his arms.

The older tenses up at suddenly being engulfed by Jongin's warmth. The memory of the club suddenly flashed before his eyes and he starts to feel hot all over. Jongin's smell doing things to his senses that he can't control. They hadn't been this close since, then. Kyungsoo always been careful at the apartment. Making sure that he didn't elicit any unnecessary skin on skin contact. He can feel Jongin's hot breath on his ear, as the taller starts talking.

“If you really don't want me to move out, I won't.”

Kyungsoo balls his hands into fists on the front of Jongin's shirt. He knows asking Jongin to stay, is only going to send mixed signals, but at the moment, Kyungsoo can't seem to care. Jongin might leave tomorrow, or the day after, or the next day after that. Just the thought of not having Jongin near him anymore, has Kyungsoo's heart aching. The older may not be able to come to a firm decision on what to do about Jongin, with regards to their relationship, but he most definitely knows that he doesn't want Jongin to leave. 

“I'll stay.”

“You don't think I'm being annoying for telling you not to move out?”

Kyungsoo can feel Jongin's body shake as the younger laughs.

“No, I don't think you're being annoying.”

Jongin rests his head on the crook of Kyungsoo's neck and his arms fall lower onto Kyungsoo's waist.

“I think you just really like me, is all.”

Kyungsoo knows he is probably beet red by now, so he hides his face in Jongin's shirt. His small hands go towards Jongin's back and he holds the younger closer to him. He is suddenly very glad that he decided to clean the tables at the very back of the cafe, away from prying eyes.

“Kyungsoo.”

“Hmm.”

“I really like you, too.”

The shorter man leans his head away from Jongin and takes in a deep breath. He pushes Jongin off of him and takes a couple steps away from him. Air. I need air. I need to cool down. I need an ice cold shower. Yeah, that's what I need.

Jongin has a huge grin on his face as he watches Kyungsoo stumble over his feet as he continues cleaning the tables. He doesn't think that teasing Kyungsoo will get old any time soon. He knows that Kyungsoo is on the fence about giving him a chance. He can tell. Jongin can see the way Kyungsoo looks at him when the older thinks he isn't looking. It's like Kyungsoo is weighing his options. Like he is fighting an internal war between his brain and his heart. Jongin knows. He isn't as clueless or dense as he was before. 

“Hey, Kyungsoo. Do want to get my order?”

Kyungsoo stops cleaning the table momentarily to look over his shoulder at Jongin.

“Y-yeah. What do you want?”

“Really? You don't know? I thought you would know, by now.”

Jongin can hear Kyungsoo groan.

“Fine, I'll go get your tea. Just give me a sec.”

“Okay. Oh and Kyungsoo?”

“What?”

“I like you.”

“Shut up!”

Kyungsoo throws the rag he had been using to clean the tables at Jongin and goes behind the counter to make the taller's order.

Yeah, Jongin doesn't think he will ever get tired of teasing Kyungsoo. The more he thinks about it, to him, it doesn't matter what Kyungsoo decides to do. If Kyungsoo wants to give Jongin a chance at wants to try and be in a relationship with him, that's great. Jongin couldn't be happier. If not, well, Jongin is just going to have to live with the fact the maybe he was a little bit too late. Nonetheless, whatever the outcome, Jongin is just happy that he will still be Kyungsoo's life, somehow. Whether a lover or friend. It doesn't matter. Jongin will be happy as long as he can still see that heart-shaped smile he has grown to love.


End file.
